splendra

It really bothers me that so many people who are living in active addiction think their children do not know what is going on.

As an Adult Child of an Alcoholic/Addict I can attest that I heard my parents arguing when they thought I was asleep or out side. The crap hung in the air and caused a stench that only someone in the grave could not notice. Yet I was told that nothing was going on. I learned not to ask about it because I did not want to get hit. It threw a fog over my eyes that I still have trouble clearing.

If you have children and have an active addict living in your house don't tell your children lies about what is going on and don't act like they do not have eyes and ear and feelings about what is going on unless you want to see your children repeating the same mistakes you have made.

When we lie about reality to our children they can feel that it is not the truth. Nothing contributes to addiction more than lies. Remember that okay?

teke

i agree splendra, my kids are older now and i regret not getting out yrs ago. i can see how living in addiction has effected them even though i thought at the time, i was protecting them. yes. i believe they know when things are not ok even though sometimes they tend to wonder and worrry in silence. i also believe that if i had lied to them, they would have learned not to trust me as much as they didn't trust dad.

painter

Dear Spendra, how old were you? I have two grandchildren (6 and 4). I worry about them all the time. I can still see how insecure they are when they come every weekend. But I was just wondering how old you were when you became aware of the situtation.

splendra

Probably I was still in the womb when I knew things were not right. I know children know what's going on while they are still in the womb. We are born aware society puts the veil over our eyes. I do not know where we got the notion that children are not aware. Innocence does not mean unaware or make you unaware.

Being born is a horrendous experience for everybody involved especially the child and the mother. Were yoiu not tired after your children were born? The baby is tired too. If not for the stuff that is put into a child's eyes in the hospital all senses would be it tip top shape and ready to go. Many male children are circumscribed at birth and maybe they don't trust the new world too much along with the stuff they put into their eyes it might just be a little painful and disorienting to say the least. As soon as the pain is gone (poor little fellas) and the eyes clear up they are pretty aware of what is going on.

I have a lot of experience with infants. I never treat them(or any other child) like they do not know what is going on. They usually like me pretty good.

tjp613

My father was an alcoholic and emotionally abused my mother horribly. He died in a plane crash when I was 8, but i remember....

I remember him always being annoyed with me when i wanted his attention
I remember my mother leaning against the wall in a dark hallway...sobbing
I remember my dad locking me in a dark room when I was 3...and I was terrified of the dark
I remember being afraid of the smell of alcohol breath
I remember my mom taking good care of our physical needs, but not our emotional ones (she didn't have the energy)
I remember being scared all the time, especially at night
I remember feeling terribly lonely though I was never alone

liesagain

splendra...........I agree with you
the kids know......they may not know "what" but they know somethings going on............even at very young ages

It gets more difficult as they get older and have their own opinions and voice them without hesitation.

the kids hurt and they are disappointed in the addict and often with us .....the non addict parent when they become old enough to understand the extent of the addiction and the effects and then cant understand why we........the non addict / co-depend didnt "just leave" or make the addict leave