Malcolms

Hi everybody. I had posted a few weeks ago when I quit and then relapsed. It dawned on me this morning that it was incredibly rude of me to just disappear without at least telling everybody who took the time to read my earlier posts that I am ok.

I don't have much to say. I'm still drinking, which is why I'm not posting. I'm trying to keep it under control, and so far, I've done ok. Anyway, this is mostly just to tell people that I am still alive and am ok.

bananagrrrl

Thanks for the update.

You can still drink and post. You obviously want to stop drinking.

Goat

Welcome back!

Stick around, even if you're drinking.

If you want to quit, then we're happy to have you around!

-Goat

eureka

I'm glad you are alive.

Tazman53

Thanks for letting us know you are okay.

I can let you in on a secret!!!!

If you have a desire to stop drinking you can go to AA meetings drunk on your ass as long as you are respectful!

I was close to fall down drunk at my first meeting. I was made more then welcome, heck they even gave me a free book!!! LOL

coming_clean

there is no shame in relapsing here...i've been a continiuous relapser myself...i know the guilt and shame...but those are useless emotions in regard of ur recovery....

keep coming back...we're not here to judge....just to help

Anna

Hi Malcolm,

We're here to offer you support.

Dee74

Thanks for dropping in Malcolms - welcome back

like others have said, we're here for people struggling...feel free to jump back in if you want support, mate

D

Asta1

I concur with everyone. Keeping in a supportive network may be the impetus you eventually need. Don't go away. We all care!

Malcolms

Thanks everybody. I am lurking, but I don't really feel like posting right now because I don't have a lot positive to say and it just bums me out to post negative stuff, so I'm just going to sit back and read for a while until I have something I actually want to say.

smacked

I hope you find the help you need when you're ready for it.

Wolfchild

Welcome back.

Malcolms

Ok, maybe I will post. So yes, I'm drinking again. Why? Because when I quit, I didn't really want to quit. I had scared myself bad with a really bad incident, and then really scared myself reading SR posts, but I didn't really want to let go of my life. Or change it. I just wanted to not have any more scary incidents, really. For about a week, I didn't drink because I was scared, but once I wasn't scared anymore, I was back at it. I was going to go to a meeting that night, and I freaked because that seemed to me to really mean that I was going to have to make actual changes and I balked.

Deep down, I still feel that way, but I don't know, this is getting old in a hurry. I have avoided getting myself into any trouble. No Blackouts, even in New Orleans this weekend. But it is stressful. I feel like I'm trying to keep a car from rolling down a hill. I'm keeping my guard up, and its making things difficult, especially when not everyone wants you to be responsible (twice this weekend I had my water switched out for hard liquor by my old college friends because I was "being a *****" And no, I want nothing more to do with those friends no matter what else I do.) Anyway, I am getting tired of it all I guess. And just tired and run down in general, honestly.

Thanks. I don't really expect you to say anything. I absolutely should quit drinking and I know it in my head, but I'm not going to. I guess I just want to say I really respect all of you for what you are doing, both for yourselves and others, and maybe I'll be there are some point.

Well, I'm off to a football road trip this weekend (seriously).

Anna

You're right, you don't sound like you're ready to stop drinking.

But, you do seem aware that things will get worse. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and it will get worse unless you stop.

I wish you well!

NewMe11109

Malcoms - just decide what boundaries you won't cross -- and if you cross one, be honest with yourself.

I am very sorry. It usually doesn't get better on its own. Please be safe.

jahnilee59

Malcombs, thanks for checking back in. I was grateful for your original posts and you helped me get out of myself. Please keep in touch with the group. I will be here whenever. John in Oklahoma

basIam

the only thing all of us do right is we "keep coming back"