gfunknown

Why do I keep thinking of him and wanting to call him so desperately. I think about calling him and I know it is wrong, but the best of me wins. I am fighting this right now. How do I stop this torture?

I am on this site to keep my mind occupied and hopefully I can justify how and why I feel this way. Why why why! I just want to hear his voice and to ensure that he is doing okay. Yes, the enabler in me, I guess.

It is getting late and I know it is not the right time to call. Now I feel....okay I made it to almost 11pm...whew! But, then I think there is always tomorrow...and maybe he will call me. I go out and check my cell phone constantly and when I get home and look to see if he has called...he didn't and I get upset and disappointed.

He is a coke addict and I know he is terribly wrong for me....however, I miss him. I need to keep busier!!!

sailorjohn

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-forward.html

Sounds like a good idea to me.

gfunknown

Thanks Sailor John - thats helps me.

sodetermined

I don't have a magical answer, but I am going through the same thing. For me, it has been 6 days now of no contact (he has tried calling 2 of those days, several times each).

Sometimes the urge gets so strong I feel like I can't take it, and I even think of an excuse to call. But so far I haven't.

I keep telling myself "calling him gives him more power, and me less power". I also talk myself through what would happen IF I did call (or answer)...with my situation, nothing good would come from the conversation, I know that it would end up with him dominating the conversation, trying to blame me for everything, and hanging up on me, and me feeling like crap...OR, him being sad and wanting to see me, and put me in a position of giving in.

I think it's such a strong "habit" for us, and I am finding if I just suffer through the pain/anxiety and NOT call...by keeping busy with whatever...that the strong feeling passes. I still think about it and want to, but not that strong urge. (I also e-mail a couple of friends I have...and say "I want so badly to call him....the urge is really strong and I feel like I'm gonna cave"...and they e-mail back with support).

Hang in there, you deserve so much better.

:praying

sailorjohn

I actually started the writing, maybe I wasn't following the instructions, couldn't hurt to write, correct?

The thing I noticed almost immediately-I was having a difficult time remembering the 'things I liked'! And the things I liked were pretty inconsequential at best, waking up this morning and reading your post triggered another thought, something I'd read, absolutely true in my case.

The thing that keeps us 'attached' or feeling so 'close' to the alcoholic/addict, is the fact that they give us love on an irregular basis.

"The reason for this strong bonding with someone that gives us love inconsistently is that, since we want the love, we are anxiously awaiting it.

Therefore, we pay a lot of attention to them, watching out for when they might be loving. All this 'paying a lot of attention' bonds us very tightly to the object or person to whom we are paying so much attention. This 'closeness' is not necessarily 'love', It is often more of a bonding due to that intensity, mistaking it for a 'close relationship'.

Toby Rice Drews

Note-In the original, the author uses 'him' in one instance, I've substituted 'them'.

Which was the reason I was having the difficulty recall the positives-the payoffs, whatever you'd like to call them, they occurred so infrequently and inconsistently, whereas the negatives, which just spilled out onto the pages, were pretty consistent and regular.

Maybe try a little writing? Just writing that little bit changed the way I was feeling about everything.

teke

hope you are feeling a little better today, it does get easier as time goes on. i agree with you, keep yourself busy, i think its common for you to miss him but like you said, he's a coke addict and until he seeks help, his addiction will only progress. you are in my prayers.

gfunknown

I am feeling tons better; however the urge to call him is so strong at times. What would I say...nothing really...so why bother. He is slowly being erased from my mind...it all takes time...each day gets better... I just need to remember he is absolutley NOT good for me and I need to work on myself.

He is a mere figure of nothing good. A shell of someone who doesn't know himself and I can do so much better!

I keep saying this over and over...but my mind leads me back to thinking of him and what could have been.