Just got the call from jail
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 49
Just got the call from jail
AD just called from jail. She got arrested for conspriricy to commit burglary and possession of a needle. Of course, it is all a big mistake and not her fault and not her needle. She claims has been clean for 60 days. I don't believe either.
She was crying that she had no family and no friends to bail her out. I told her I was sorry she was in jail but her actions and associations were what put her in jail. And told her she knew I would not bail her out. She is freaking out that she was going to go to prison. I told her that was a possibility and this might be a good time to re-evaluate her choices. I got told that "You just don't understand! I didn't even do anything this time!" I told her not to be suprised if she had more charges coming with the checks she had stolen from her Papa and forged. More tears, more apologies and more excuses.
I listened and told her we loved her, that this was not what we had hoped for her but she was going to have to suffer the ramifications of her actions. She said that "My entire family hates me! I hate my life." I reassured her that we didn't hate her but we are still very angry and hurt over the choices that she is making and she had to be the one to change her life, and that I knew that she ability to make those changes if she wanted to.
What I didn't do was freak out. I didn't even raise my voice. I didn't give in to the manipulation.
I just pray that nobody else bails her out!
She was crying that she had no family and no friends to bail her out. I told her I was sorry she was in jail but her actions and associations were what put her in jail. And told her she knew I would not bail her out. She is freaking out that she was going to go to prison. I told her that was a possibility and this might be a good time to re-evaluate her choices. I got told that "You just don't understand! I didn't even do anything this time!" I told her not to be suprised if she had more charges coming with the checks she had stolen from her Papa and forged. More tears, more apologies and more excuses.
I listened and told her we loved her, that this was not what we had hoped for her but she was going to have to suffer the ramifications of her actions. She said that "My entire family hates me! I hate my life." I reassured her that we didn't hate her but we are still very angry and hurt over the choices that she is making and she had to be the one to change her life, and that I knew that she ability to make those changes if she wanted to.
What I didn't do was freak out. I didn't even raise my voice. I didn't give in to the manipulation.
I just pray that nobody else bails her out!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Good for you mom~~sounds like your on the right track and maybe your daughter will get it this time. It's too bad some end up doing time before they put their lives in prosceptive...hang in there. Hugs, Bonnie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Well done. If she runs out of options, maybe she'll consider the one she has been avoiding...recovery.
I only bailed my son out once...huge mistake. After a list of promises a mile long, he wasn't out an hour before he headed back out looking for drugs.
Never did it again, never would.
Sending mama to mama hugs Chenowth, because even doing the right thing doesn't make it easy some days. But it's still the right thing.
I only bailed my son out once...huge mistake. After a list of promises a mile long, he wasn't out an hour before he headed back out looking for drugs.
Never did it again, never would.
Sending mama to mama hugs Chenowth, because even doing the right thing doesn't make it easy some days. But it's still the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Good for you! Keep your chin up! Next she'll probably call and threaten to end it all if you don't bail her out. That's usually the last trick up their sleeves. Be prepared for it, and if she tells you that, call the prison, ask to speak to a supervisor, and advise them of her threats. They'll put her on suicide watch and phone restriction.
You did the right thing so far. Just keep it up. Take care of you!
Love,
KJ
You did the right thing so far. Just keep it up. Take care of you!
Love,
KJ
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 88
Good for you. I have been going through something similar with my son. I made the mistake of bailing him out. The second time he got arrested we made him stay there. Smartest and hardest thing we have ever done but at lest we knew where he was at night and he was safe. Hugs to you hand in there. You are doing the best thing for her.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i think you did good too. you love her enough to let her stay where she will eventually have to look at her own actions. at least now you know where she is and that she is safe. this may or may not be what it will take for her, either way, she is in my prayers and so are you.
i do believe that one day she may really appreciate the choices you are making for yourself and for her. i know i did after i got sober.
i do believe that one day she may really appreciate the choices you are making for yourself and for her. i know i did after i got sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 49
Thanks to all of you for the support!
I wouldn't have been able to do this six months ago and have to thank you all for sharing your stories, advice and encouragement!
While I was talking to her I really had all the same old urges to lecture, yell, tell her how she screwed up and then tell her how she needed to fix it, but I stopped myself
I wouldn't have been able to do this six months ago and have to thank you all for sharing your stories, advice and encouragement!
While I was talking to her I really had all the same old urges to lecture, yell, tell her how she screwed up and then tell her how she needed to fix it, but I stopped myself
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Great job! There's a big difference between feeling like doing something and acting on it and you took the huge step, as hard as it was! I found it got easier to take these types of steps as I practiced them and they eventually became more my norm than my old controlling behaviors. Way to go!!! 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 33
Congrats. You did the right thing. When my son was dealing drugs and doing cocaine and got caught I freaked and went straight to the jail. Missed work that day and cried all day trying to find ways to get him out. Because of people we knew we actually got him out and off the hook with just PTI. Big mistake. Now his drug of choice is alcohol. He is in a bad way right now. Although he says he is a week sober I still cringe. He usually doesn't make it more than a week. He is out of money and no job. He has to go to out patient rehab which is going to cost him 12 dollars a day and he has to go three days a week for about 12 weeks. I don't know how he is going to pay for it. I don't know where he is going to live. But my point here is.... I wish I had never bailed him out. If he had to stay in that jail cell and really think about the path that he was taking, maybe he would not be in the situation he is in now. Again, crongratulations on your strength. God bless you and your daughter and hopefully she will wake up soon.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Good for you!!!
I remember calling my stepmom, hysterical (dad was out on the road, driving his truck) - I DID threaten to "end it all" as "I just can't stay here!!!!!" I was calmly told that I would NOT be bonded out, since the house was used as a property bond the LAST time they bonded me out. I got put into the ward, cried all night, ran into one of the other girls from the street, and ended up getting let out the next day - and went straight back to the 'hood and was high in 10 minutes. I am SOOOOO glad, now, that my dad didn't put out the money to bond me out.
My last time being locked up was for almost 6 months and it had a far greater impact. It gave me enough clean time, that I could actually think clearly and realize that I didn't particularly like living on the streets, getting locked up, and sleeping in vacant apts (when I slept).
Your daughter is where she needs to be, and I promise you, she knows you love her..she's just mad, right now, because she is having to face consequences and NONE of us A's like it when we first have to do that!
You did great!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I remember calling my stepmom, hysterical (dad was out on the road, driving his truck) - I DID threaten to "end it all" as "I just can't stay here!!!!!" I was calmly told that I would NOT be bonded out, since the house was used as a property bond the LAST time they bonded me out. I got put into the ward, cried all night, ran into one of the other girls from the street, and ended up getting let out the next day - and went straight back to the 'hood and was high in 10 minutes. I am SOOOOO glad, now, that my dad didn't put out the money to bond me out.
My last time being locked up was for almost 6 months and it had a far greater impact. It gave me enough clean time, that I could actually think clearly and realize that I didn't particularly like living on the streets, getting locked up, and sleeping in vacant apts (when I slept).
Your daughter is where she needs to be, and I promise you, she knows you love her..she's just mad, right now, because she is having to face consequences and NONE of us A's like it when we first have to do that!
You did great!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 49
Okay...as if my life couldn't get any weirder.
I checked the Sheriffs website today to see if the had her new charges listed and couldn't find her. (San Diego sheriff's are the best for keeping the who is in jail and warrants web pages up to date.)
Called the jail this morning and was told our daughter wasn't there. I just called again and spoke with another officer, they have her booked her under a false name! They couldn't explain why. But it was her, different name, but the same booking photo. One of the new charges was giving false information to a police officer.
Why the heck would they do this? It is funny how I knew something was up, as I had checked under her birth name this morning. At least I know what name to look up when I go to court on Friday.
I checked the Sheriffs website today to see if the had her new charges listed and couldn't find her. (San Diego sheriff's are the best for keeping the who is in jail and warrants web pages up to date.)
Called the jail this morning and was told our daughter wasn't there. I just called again and spoke with another officer, they have her booked her under a false name! They couldn't explain why. But it was her, different name, but the same booking photo. One of the new charges was giving false information to a police officer.
Why the heck would they do this? It is funny how I knew something was up, as I had checked under her birth name this morning. At least I know what name to look up when I go to court on Friday.
Last edited by Chenowth; 11-11-2009 at 04:40 PM.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
They give a false name, usually, because they know they have open warrants on them. It doesn't do any good, as we get our fingerprints run as soon as we get booked, but then when we A's are active, we don't THINK very logically.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 49
I just find it odd that they booked her under the assumed name, that they know is fake. She did have warrants but the fingerprints are hers. I think I just might calling her by her assumed name Melissa Lynn Burnhart.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
It sounds like they've got a hold of her even if it is under a different name. Now that they know about it, I'm sure it will get fixed. Like Amy has said, she can't run from the fingerprinting.
I suppose it would have been easier on everyone if she used the name Mary Queen of Scotts, but maybe she can use that one next time. I say that with a grain of hope that there won't be a next time at all.
Your recovery is inspiring!!!
Alice
I suppose it would have been easier on everyone if she used the name Mary Queen of Scotts, but maybe she can use that one next time. I say that with a grain of hope that there won't be a next time at all.
Your recovery is inspiring!!!
Alice
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Good lesson you demonstrate.:
We don't have to react, get involved, jump in, rescue, advise, nag or scold.
We can show compassion and wish them the strength to do the next right thing
We don't have to react, get involved, jump in, rescue, advise, nag or scold.
We can show compassion and wish them the strength to do the next right thing
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