ItsmeAlice

I'm trying to work through my disagreements less like a codependent, but I've discovered I don't have much confidence in it.

I forgot to put some wet clothes in the dryer this morning. My roommate and his friend had meant well by putting them in the dryer, folding them, and leaving them by my room for me.

You can see where this is going.

As long as live I will never understand how some men can only use the nuclear roast setting on the dryer.

My clothes came out about two sizes smaller than they went in. It's a dramatic shrinkage. I tried on a couple of my t-shirts and found they are now only appropriate for me to wear should I take a job at a HOOTERS restaurant.

I was crushed! With no money to replace the clothes plus an emotional attachment to the one item in particular, I got real agitated.

When I asked about the clothes they acted confused then they laughed and told me I must have gained some serious weight recently because they didn't know anything about it. I couldn't help but tell them to laugh it up, paybacks are hell and since a 'fat' comment will always trigger my weight issues, I ended up staying in my room the rest of the day and didn't come out. I'm not sure what made me more mad, the clothes, the comments, or the fact that I kept making myself feel guilty about being mad because they probably meant no harm by it all anyway.

It's been a long time since I received a sincere apology (or at least one not clouded by addiction) so I didn't expect one, but instead, a little while ago, I got an email from my roomate apologizing for the clothes and the comments. I wrote back thanking him for the apology and told him I appreciated it. I did not apologize for being mad, though. It is my usual behavior to tell someone it's okay and to apologize for being mad.

I'm really lost about how to do this. Is it okay to just say thanks for the apology and move on? I'm still thinking I'm being too harsh about it. It's not like I'm demanding he pay for the clothes or something like that. Why can't I just leave it without thinking I have to make it up to him somehow?

I suppose it would help if my relationships before this were healthy ones.

Any advice?

Alice

LaTeeDa

This pretty much sums it up. They meant well. They made a mistake drying too hot. You made a mistake not drying your own clothes. Rather than get mad at you for leaving the clothes, they helped you out. At least, that seems to be what was meant. Maybe rather than get mad at them for trying to help out, you could be grateful that they tried. And, I bet you won't be leaving your clothes in the washer anymore.

L

Astro

I think the intentions were good on your roommates part, Alice, and the result wasn't something they could've foreseen. They were trying to commit a kind act, not intentionally trying to shrink your clothes. I've done it before and continue to make mistakes with the wash loads in our house, every once in awhile I produce a load of pink whites and more often than not the load comes out wrinkled.

I don't think you need to thank someone for an apology, or make it up to him in any way. Recovery from codependency is saying what we mean and setting boundaries. So if it was my situation, I suppose I'd say "thank you for trying to help, I appreciate the thought, but in the future please let me finish my laundry in case there's something delicate I'm trying to wash with special care".