I could have gotten out....I am stupid :(
Member
Thread Starter
.gif)
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 46
I could have gotten out....I am stupid :(
OMG, I was almost out of this nightmare and my stupid emotions got the best of me, all the memories of better times flooded my mind and heart, I could not just let go and be angry as I should have been.
Sorry, I am just at the end of my rope here, hanging on to a thread. sick, tired, tired and sick. I know I have not been on the site sharing all my grief for the past 2 months but here I am and its no better than it was then.
The ABF/ roommate still lives here.......BUT GET THIS while the bills started to fall behind ...here at home ...he was setting up house elsewhere, stopped drinking completely, opened a bank account, and had gotten himself an apartment, all while lying more & more to me about his paychecks etc.... I had NO idea he had been doing all this until he left atm receipts lying around. So, in questioning I asked when he had opened a bank acct thinking it was a good thing for him to have done, of course he lied and said "last week" ...... I said where are you getting bank mail? Of course came another lie, "uh I thought here" ......so later I see check book sticking out of jacket pocket, I looked, got the address and I at first thought well maybe this is the "new girlfriends address" ........ ok so on Sweetest Day I had had enough I went to that address fully expecting to find her name or both names on the bell. To my suprise I saw the car he drives that is in my name parked out front. Hummmmmmm I am thinking why is he not at work................ I took a deep breath and rang the bell once, twice, three times........obviously he had to look out the window before coming out. Well, more shock ....... he "lost his job" I still dont know why .......he says he rented the place "for himself" because in therapy he learned that he has to take care of only himself and care only for his needs and he needed to do this .......... I said ok so you have an apartment for the past 3 months and have never spent a night here, you are setting up house and still living with me.......... while our rent and bills are falling more & more behind almost to the point of no lights no gas and ultimately no apartment .......... here is my stupid mistake ......... my breaking point had been met .... I cried & cried I listened to his therapy/ counseling bullcrap for awhile and thought to myself THIS CANNOT POSSIBLY BE WHAT PEOPLE ARE TAUGHT TO DO WHEN THEY STOP DRINKING. BECOME MONSTERS, MEAN, CRUEL, SELFISH AND TOTALLY UNCARING OF OTHER HUMAN BEINGS JUST TO "BECOME BETTER THEMSELVES".
Well, I left and came home after asking how will he afford that place with no job.......why the hell should I have even cared. He stayed there that night, came home the next day to "talk" said he had not given much thought to his actions.....(yeah right) and never indented to "abandon" me (bullcrap) and the household bills etc............. and that he would have to give up the place "now that he has no job" .........He is still laying in that bedroom like the past 2 years not trying to make our relationship even remotely better, I believe he still has the friend/ girlfriend ...... I know It was partly selfish of me to not blow up & throw him out ....I still desparately need whatever financial help he will provide, but I feel sooooooo stupid as if I should have just went ahead & suffered thru and done what I could have done to save my apartment & the bills.
Ok, I got all that out ...I feel a little better. Thank you all for being here.
Sorry, I am just at the end of my rope here, hanging on to a thread. sick, tired, tired and sick. I know I have not been on the site sharing all my grief for the past 2 months but here I am and its no better than it was then.
The ABF/ roommate still lives here.......BUT GET THIS while the bills started to fall behind ...here at home ...he was setting up house elsewhere, stopped drinking completely, opened a bank account, and had gotten himself an apartment, all while lying more & more to me about his paychecks etc.... I had NO idea he had been doing all this until he left atm receipts lying around. So, in questioning I asked when he had opened a bank acct thinking it was a good thing for him to have done, of course he lied and said "last week" ...... I said where are you getting bank mail? Of course came another lie, "uh I thought here" ......so later I see check book sticking out of jacket pocket, I looked, got the address and I at first thought well maybe this is the "new girlfriends address" ........ ok so on Sweetest Day I had had enough I went to that address fully expecting to find her name or both names on the bell. To my suprise I saw the car he drives that is in my name parked out front. Hummmmmmm I am thinking why is he not at work................ I took a deep breath and rang the bell once, twice, three times........obviously he had to look out the window before coming out. Well, more shock ....... he "lost his job" I still dont know why .......he says he rented the place "for himself" because in therapy he learned that he has to take care of only himself and care only for his needs and he needed to do this .......... I said ok so you have an apartment for the past 3 months and have never spent a night here, you are setting up house and still living with me.......... while our rent and bills are falling more & more behind almost to the point of no lights no gas and ultimately no apartment .......... here is my stupid mistake ......... my breaking point had been met .... I cried & cried I listened to his therapy/ counseling bullcrap for awhile and thought to myself THIS CANNOT POSSIBLY BE WHAT PEOPLE ARE TAUGHT TO DO WHEN THEY STOP DRINKING. BECOME MONSTERS, MEAN, CRUEL, SELFISH AND TOTALLY UNCARING OF OTHER HUMAN BEINGS JUST TO "BECOME BETTER THEMSELVES".
Well, I left and came home after asking how will he afford that place with no job.......why the hell should I have even cared. He stayed there that night, came home the next day to "talk" said he had not given much thought to his actions.....(yeah right) and never indented to "abandon" me (bullcrap) and the household bills etc............. and that he would have to give up the place "now that he has no job" .........He is still laying in that bedroom like the past 2 years not trying to make our relationship even remotely better, I believe he still has the friend/ girlfriend ...... I know It was partly selfish of me to not blow up & throw him out ....I still desparately need whatever financial help he will provide, but I feel sooooooo stupid as if I should have just went ahead & suffered thru and done what I could have done to save my apartment & the bills.
Ok, I got all that out ...I feel a little better. Thank you all for being here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Hi Catlady... you're not STUPID 
We've all hung on one last time. And, you can change your mind at any time and ask him to leave if you want. Whenever you decide you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. If you really are ready for him to go, sit down and figure out your finances and what you can afford on your paycheck. If you have to move to a cheaper place, start checking around. Make plans. Take baby steps. You're life can get better! You are worth being treated with love and respect!
Keep reading and posting!
We've all hung on one last time. And, you can change your mind at any time and ask him to leave if you want. Whenever you decide you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. If you really are ready for him to go, sit down and figure out your finances and what you can afford on your paycheck. If you have to move to a cheaper place, start checking around. Make plans. Take baby steps. You're life can get better! You are worth being treated with love and respect!
Keep reading and posting!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi catlady!!
Is there any way you can get some $$ ? close family? friends? new job?
What have you lost? only money and some time. Money can come again hopefully from different sources so you kick him out of your life definitely.
And time can be regained too: start taking baby steps to live your next days to the fullest and make each one count as two in terms of joy and peace.
As it is I also get angry at myself because I still get what XABF does get the best of me. But anger propels us forward and allows actions to take place. Anger can be your best friend in desperate times.
What have you gained? more motivation to change your life. That is priceless.
I wish you all the best :ghug3
Is there any way you can get some $$ ? close family? friends? new job?
What have you lost? only money and some time. Money can come again hopefully from different sources so you kick him out of your life definitely.
And time can be regained too: start taking baby steps to live your next days to the fullest and make each one count as two in terms of joy and peace.
As it is I also get angry at myself because I still get what XABF does get the best of me. But anger propels us forward and allows actions to take place. Anger can be your best friend in desperate times.
What have you gained? more motivation to change your life. That is priceless.
I wish you all the best :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
You are not stupid - you are vulnerable. We live in such a scrambled emotional world when living with an addict - it's no wonder why we can't always make good decisions.
Change is scary. I know that. BUT, if you will step out - take that step, take that chance - you will most definately get what you need. Your HP will be there to catch you. Trust in that. He did for me. He will for you.
Change is scary. I know that. BUT, if you will step out - take that step, take that chance - you will most definately get what you need. Your HP will be there to catch you. Trust in that. He did for me. He will for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
I have been doing some family history recently. You know what? I know none of their day to day lives, But I do know of some heroic leaps that some of my ancestors took that seemed to better themselves and their families. It may have been because of the exact same situation that you are in, but who knows. What matters is what happened after the leap.
Most of our lives are built on little stuff, if you think about it. Take the leap.
Most of our lives are built on little stuff, if you think about it. Take the leap.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
