luli2979

Can anybody suggest how to be not so codependent?

GiveLove

Luli, have you read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie? That was a wonderful first step for many of us on our journey away from codependence. It helps to show just what is happening, why it's happening, and things you can do to begin to unwrap yourself from its grip. It is available very inexpensively online and from many libraries as well.

luli2979

Yes, I have thanks!
Didn't finish it yet.

Just wondering to see different views of how to step out day by day.

veryregretful

I just bought that book. I didn't care how much it was. It was spoken so much here that I thought I would buy it. I'm glad I did. It fits me so much!! Even though AH is gone now three weeks I realize how I reacted or not reacted and why I did things that I did/do. My obsessions, etc.

I also think this book will also teach me how to act towards my children also. I don't want to be a codie to them. I'm their mom and need to be their mom and show a good example.

I would highly recommend this book and I haven't finished reading it yet! In the last three weeks I haven't picked up anything to read because of how I was feeling. This is the first book I picked up and I'm actually enjoying reading it.

Take care Luli and pick up the book! My thoughts are with you!

bookwyrm

For me, the key has been to try to act rather than react. I needed to learn to take a step back and think about my motives before doing or saying anything. Self awareness is crucial. Journalling, reading self help books, coming here and working one to one with my counsellor have all helped me keep on track. I'm hoping that with a lot of practice, it will all become automatic for me!

Does this help answer your question?

Bernadette

I had to practice the actual changing of focus from others problems to mine.

I had to start thinking seriously about who I am? Who do I want to be? What do I want out of life?

Once I got the focus back on me I saw I had a lot of work to do, and that my codependent behavior was what I used as a defense to not face reality or the things about myself that are in need of some attention.

AlAnon helped me with this. And therapy.

peace-
B

kellthebelle

I found reading Women Who Love Too Much was a real eye opener for me. I also try to think about the "big picture", what is really important, what at the end of my life will I be proud of, who was I before I met my AH. Counting to 10 also helps!!

Bolina

Read the sticky posts

Read the books mentioned

Act on the advice therein.


I can't halp but notice that you have been registrered here a while. What has helped among the advice that has been given/that you have read previously?

DesertEyes

Good evening, Bolina, and pleased to "meet" you. Amongst the stickies that are highly recommended is this one.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

thanx

Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery

PHIZ007

I changed alot of my thoughts of how "he" was doing things to how "I" was doing things .......also trying not to react without atleast a deep breath and a moment of thought (now that takes some practice!!)

I try focusing on myself instead of him and it is quite amazing how since I have changed my behaviour towards him that his behaviour has also changed (not always in a good way as he has actually noticed I am detaching)....I however am very comfortable where I am at and I am going to continue working on myself. I read alot here aswell as this place rocks! Phiz