Tell me how to let go.
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Tell me how to let go.
I did pretty good this morning. And through the afternoon I was too. By late afternoon I was fighting to hold myself together. Clock struck 5:00. I got in my truck, drove through the gates. And bawled my eyes out. I had to pull over once because I was crying so hard I couldn't see. I pulled myself together to go into the daycare to pick up my kids. I'm fighting to keep it together, anxious for bedtime so I can fall apart again.
I wrote him a letter today. I don't know if I'll send it. Probably not. It's not anything I've never said to him before and it won't make any difference. It won't change anything; even if he wants it to. I just can't do it anymore.
I did think about calling him today, but I never picked up the phone. I wanted to just tell him what I wrote. But I had a good feeling it would just go the same way every other conversation had gone.....would have turned into a fight where I just felt worse about myself.
I don't understand why it's so hard. I have a darn good feeling how everything would go--and it wouldn't go in a way that is healthy. In fact, what would happen is exactly what I don't want to deal with anymore. So if I know this, why can't I just let go?
I'm fighting to keep myself together. And I don't understand why.
I wrote him a letter today. I don't know if I'll send it. Probably not. It's not anything I've never said to him before and it won't make any difference. It won't change anything; even if he wants it to. I just can't do it anymore.
I did think about calling him today, but I never picked up the phone. I wanted to just tell him what I wrote. But I had a good feeling it would just go the same way every other conversation had gone.....would have turned into a fight where I just felt worse about myself.
I don't understand why it's so hard. I have a darn good feeling how everything would go--and it wouldn't go in a way that is healthy. In fact, what would happen is exactly what I don't want to deal with anymore. So if I know this, why can't I just let go?
I'm fighting to keep myself together. And I don't understand why.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
It's not easy KV. It's hard. You just do it one day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time.
You played the tape forward today. You saw the reality of how this would play out if you contacted him and told him what you were feeling. Nothing would change, frustrations would mount and angry words would be said. You did good.
I hope tomorrow is a little better.
btw, it's okay to let your kids know you get sad. Adults cry too.
You played the tape forward today. You saw the reality of how this would play out if you contacted him and told him what you were feeling. Nothing would change, frustrations would mount and angry words would be said. You did good.
I hope tomorrow is a little better.
btw, it's okay to let your kids know you get sad. Adults cry too.
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
I think it comes down to "time" KV.
It's a big change for you and a loss that has to be mourned and accepted.
I'm glad you fast forwarded the likely scenario that would play out had you contacted him. I don't think the outcome will ever be different and that's what makes something like this so difficult. You wish, wish, wish it could all have been so different.
It's a big change for you and a loss that has to be mourned and accepted.
I'm glad you fast forwarded the likely scenario that would play out had you contacted him. I don't think the outcome will ever be different and that's what makes something like this so difficult. You wish, wish, wish it could all have been so different.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Wow KV I think you did great too! :0)
We have to grieve in whatever way is necessary for our individual recovery......and hopefully you will feel better tomorrow......I am also going through the grieving process for the beautiful man who I love very much but who has this terrible disease alcoholism.
I have come to the realisation that I no longer want to live like this (we are still 'together"...but I am making my plans)...I deserve better and my children deserve better...and I hope that he will choose to get healthy but thats up to him. We definatly can't carry on the way we are.....its effecting the whole family.................
Oh I really feel for you......and next time I have a moment I am going to also fast forward to how I really know things are going to be. Sending you courage and strength....one day at a time. Phiz
We have to grieve in whatever way is necessary for our individual recovery......and hopefully you will feel better tomorrow......I am also going through the grieving process for the beautiful man who I love very much but who has this terrible disease alcoholism.
I have come to the realisation that I no longer want to live like this (we are still 'together"...but I am making my plans)...I deserve better and my children deserve better...and I hope that he will choose to get healthy but thats up to him. We definatly can't carry on the way we are.....its effecting the whole family.................
Oh I really feel for you......and next time I have a moment I am going to also fast forward to how I really know things are going to be. Sending you courage and strength....one day at a time. Phiz
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Break-ups suck...no matter what the circumstances. One thing is for sure: You have to go through it to get to it. Think of it as walking through a tunnel and you just gotta get to the light and that takes time. It WILL NOT be easy and you know this, but YOU ARE STRONG AND SURE and you will keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually you will come out at the other side and you will be amazed.
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. Just do it for today...
((((HUGS))))
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. Just do it for today...
((((HUGS))))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Oh, I am trying to understand how to let go right now too. I'm actually in counseling because letting go for me was so hard.
But I love how you look to the future and rationalize what would happen if you do contact him. I've written tons of letters that I never sent...I did it for therapy. The one letter I did choose to send was filled with emotion and hurt and did not really have a pleasant outcome. Actually it had no outcome... his reaction was to just block me from sending him anymore emails. And then 2 weeks later he unblocked me.
I have now blocked him, just as a measure to separate myself as much as I can from the pain.
Pain because he's now back with his ex wife. And I have been struggling with that for many reasons....but it has eaten me alive, and i'm just trying to get myself back.
I didn't even have the chance to walk away from him....he didn't want me! And because I never knew what it was like to live with him, I am mourning the loss of the perfect life I thought he and I would have.....I just posted a thread a little about it, but it's a long story.
I'm new here and really have just figured out how to post properly, but I have read posts here for a while, and I love and admire all of the strength and support you all offer each other.
Breaking up is hard......even when it's something that makes us miserable!
There are days I have felt at my lowest, for the first time in my life thinking about suicide. But I keep thinking, if I get through today, I can get through tomorrow....and every day it will be a little easier. It may not seem like it now....but it is a fact, and it will and I tell myself that everyday.
I also have developed a stronger relationship with faith, and I read somewhere that when pain is overwhelming, just say "God, i'm giving it to you, for the 100th time, i'm giving this to you to handle."
I don't know why, but when I say it, I feel relief for a moment, that things will be taken care of as they should be.
It's not much, but hopefully something that may give you some peace, if only for a moment.
But I love how you look to the future and rationalize what would happen if you do contact him. I've written tons of letters that I never sent...I did it for therapy. The one letter I did choose to send was filled with emotion and hurt and did not really have a pleasant outcome. Actually it had no outcome... his reaction was to just block me from sending him anymore emails. And then 2 weeks later he unblocked me.
I have now blocked him, just as a measure to separate myself as much as I can from the pain.
Pain because he's now back with his ex wife. And I have been struggling with that for many reasons....but it has eaten me alive, and i'm just trying to get myself back.
I didn't even have the chance to walk away from him....he didn't want me! And because I never knew what it was like to live with him, I am mourning the loss of the perfect life I thought he and I would have.....I just posted a thread a little about it, but it's a long story.
I'm new here and really have just figured out how to post properly, but I have read posts here for a while, and I love and admire all of the strength and support you all offer each other.
Breaking up is hard......even when it's something that makes us miserable!
There are days I have felt at my lowest, for the first time in my life thinking about suicide. But I keep thinking, if I get through today, I can get through tomorrow....and every day it will be a little easier. It may not seem like it now....but it is a fact, and it will and I tell myself that everyday.
I also have developed a stronger relationship with faith, and I read somewhere that when pain is overwhelming, just say "God, i'm giving it to you, for the 100th time, i'm giving this to you to handle."
I don't know why, but when I say it, I feel relief for a moment, that things will be taken care of as they should be.
It's not much, but hopefully something that may give you some peace, if only for a moment.
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
I think crying is helping a little. I have a headache and blood shot eyes but maybe it's helping a little. I keep listening to the same song, over and over and over again. I'm supposed to be tough. I'm the kind of girl everyone always thinks has it all together. In my entire life only five people have ever seen me cry--my mom, my sister, my best friend, my boss and xabf. To everyone else I'm strong. But today I couldn't keep myself together. My eyes got puffier and puffier throughout the day and there was nothing I could do. I turn on the radio and hear a song and cry. I shut it off and my mind wandered into tears.
This is the song I've been listening to all night. I feel a little better each time I hear it. It's not helping fast enough. But tonight.....right now.....I just want to cry.
YouTube - Keith Urban - Tonight I Wanna Cry
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show. I thought that being strong meant never losing your self control. But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain, to hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes because tonight I wanna cry.
This is the song I've been listening to all night. I feel a little better each time I hear it. It's not helping fast enough. But tonight.....right now.....I just want to cry.
YouTube - Keith Urban - Tonight I Wanna Cry
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show. I thought that being strong meant never losing your self control. But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain, to hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes because tonight I wanna cry.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
I've cried a lot lately.
I think crying is actually one of the healthiest things to do. It releases A LOT of emotion that you have built up inside.
My closests friends know i'm a little fragile, but as far as everyone else....they would never guess that I break down right now. I know that image well.
Cry and cry some more. The thing I love about crying, when you fall asleep tonight that drained feeling you have.....you won't have that tomorrow. It will be a new day, and you will wake up feeling a little bit better, and you'll see the sun.
Big Hugs.
I think crying is actually one of the healthiest things to do. It releases A LOT of emotion that you have built up inside.
My closests friends know i'm a little fragile, but as far as everyone else....they would never guess that I break down right now. I know that image well.
Cry and cry some more. The thing I love about crying, when you fall asleep tonight that drained feeling you have.....you won't have that tomorrow. It will be a new day, and you will wake up feeling a little bit better, and you'll see the sun.
Big Hugs.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
This is what helps me to let go:
- breathing. Just breathe. One breathe at a time. Have you tried the "square breath"?
count to 4 while you inhale
hold for 4 seconds
count to 4 while you exhale
hold it like that, no air, for 4 seconds
- remembering good times I have passed before knowing the toxic person. knowing i would have good times once again after the toxic person.
- remembering all the great people I have met in my life and realizing they would like to see me ok.
- remembering compliments I have received.
- forgiving myself for being human.
- volunteering time or giving a little gift, making someone smile.
- giving it to god-hp. surrender.
kv, I am right next to you on the rollercoaster. Sometimes I am blessed with whole days without even a thought, sometimes the thoughts still creep in, and some days I wake up once again having dreamed of him, and feeling again all the pain and the sadness and the anger. And it is through this process that we heal...
Your thoughts and feelings today will be different tomorrow. It is good and brave to cry. You did well not sending anything or calling him.
You are moving forward kv, this is just another wave... and it will pass.
HUGS from me and the cats!!
- breathing. Just breathe. One breathe at a time. Have you tried the "square breath"?
count to 4 while you inhale
hold for 4 seconds
count to 4 while you exhale
hold it like that, no air, for 4 seconds
- remembering good times I have passed before knowing the toxic person. knowing i would have good times once again after the toxic person.
- remembering all the great people I have met in my life and realizing they would like to see me ok.
- remembering compliments I have received.
- forgiving myself for being human.
- volunteering time or giving a little gift, making someone smile.
- giving it to god-hp. surrender.
kv, I am right next to you on the rollercoaster. Sometimes I am blessed with whole days without even a thought, sometimes the thoughts still creep in, and some days I wake up once again having dreamed of him, and feeling again all the pain and the sadness and the anger. And it is through this process that we heal...
Your thoughts and feelings today will be different tomorrow. It is good and brave to cry. You did well not sending anything or calling him.
You are moving forward kv, this is just another wave... and it will pass.
HUGS from me and the cats!!
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Be kind to yourself - you are allowed to cry! There's no need to bottle it all up, give yourself permission to grieve. You're going through so much and have come so far. Well done on realising the futility of sending letters etc. It would just make it even more painful for you in the long run.
Remember that this pain will pass. That you can be happy again. That there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can get through this. No contact helps so much with this - I found that every contact I had with STBXAH set me back in my recovery. I'm fully no contact now and it has made an amazing difference!
Another thing that helped me was to focus on my goal - I had an image of me and my cats in a very peaceful garden, relaxing in the sun. This represented my future and I'm there now (well, not the sun part...maybe next year?)! It helped me take one step at a time.
I'll be thinking of you today. Take care. :ghug3
Remember that this pain will pass. That you can be happy again. That there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can get through this. No contact helps so much with this - I found that every contact I had with STBXAH set me back in my recovery. I'm fully no contact now and it has made an amazing difference!
Another thing that helped me was to focus on my goal - I had an image of me and my cats in a very peaceful garden, relaxing in the sun. This represented my future and I'm there now (well, not the sun part...maybe next year?)! It helped me take one step at a time.
I'll be thinking of you today. Take care. :ghug3
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Two of my closest friends know I'm dieing inside. I called one last night and asked her to tell me how to let go. We talked for a little bit and at the end of the conversation she told me to do what was best for me and my kids....and if going back to him was what's best then I should do it.
Thank you.....to all of you who haven't suggested going back to him. I know I'm sounding like a whiny baby (and even now at 7:15 in the morning I'm bawling my eyes out again). I'm trying to believe it will get better. I'm trying to believe the pain will stop. But it's not easy. When you love someone with every breath you take, it's not easy letting go of them. In the letter I wrote him yesterday I told him that the day he asked me to marry him I gave him my heart, my soul and my life. That every inch of me inside and out completely belonged to him since day one.
And I'm trying to see that as not as good a thing as I once thought it was. Every choice I made, every thought I had, every move I made, every emotion I felt, every single aspect of every minute of my day was based around his life.
This is the song I'll cry to today......
YouTube - I Surrender All - Clay Crosse
Thank you.....to all of you who haven't suggested going back to him. I know I'm sounding like a whiny baby (and even now at 7:15 in the morning I'm bawling my eyes out again). I'm trying to believe it will get better. I'm trying to believe the pain will stop. But it's not easy. When you love someone with every breath you take, it's not easy letting go of them. In the letter I wrote him yesterday I told him that the day he asked me to marry him I gave him my heart, my soul and my life. That every inch of me inside and out completely belonged to him since day one.
And I'm trying to see that as not as good a thing as I once thought it was. Every choice I made, every thought I had, every move I made, every emotion I felt, every single aspect of every minute of my day was based around his life.
This is the song I'll cry to today......
YouTube - I Surrender All - Clay Crosse
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Good morning KV
I'm going through the same thing. This rollercoaster. It stinks!!!!! He had a choice a few weeks ago and he chose to drink. He called me on Thursday (3 weeks ago at that) and asked if he could stay the night in the basement since he had no where to go. I said no. Shocked the heck out of me but I did it. The first two weeks have been hard. I was crying a lot. When someone asked me how I was doing I had tears in my eyes. I even cried a few days after he left to the radiator guy who was fixing a leak on my car because he asked what had been done to the car and when I mentioned my AH did this or that waterworks came on with a complete stranger.
It consumed the first two weeks of my life. My kids ate whatever was there. cereal, eggs, chicken nuggets. They are 14. I didn't eat. I tried to do things but I didn't have the energy to do anything but be a lump on the sofa. Watching TV but not really watching. Even the first time I went food shopping when he left i broke down in the middle of the aisle crying because I realized he was gone and I wasn't buy anything for him. Just me and the kids. It was very difficult. I do get embarrassed when I cry in public but most of the time I don't care. It's what I feel and can't help my emotions.
He is living with a friend of mine so I know where he is and I'm obsessed with that. The kids had dinner with him last night and told him how they felt and he turned around and told them that he deserved to have a couple beers. Well if he deserves to have a couple beers then the kids and I deserve to live in our home in peace. His choice. Each day does get easier. Today was the first day I drove to work and was actually not worrying about anything. It felt good. I can't remember the last time I didn't worry.
What I think helped today is that I bought the book Codependant No More and that book is me exactly. It helped me see who I am. I can't wait to finish it and read it again. I'm not the type of person that likes self help books but this one I would recommend. I'm also leaving it around so maybe the kids will pick it up and glance through it. It might explain to them their own behavior because of the alcoholic.
I haven't read your story so I'm not familiar with the particulars.
I just want to let you know my thoughts are with you and hang in there. You have to what's best for you and the kids. The kids, to me, are the most important.
For me letting go is hard because we have been together for 20 years and as I look back I see that the verbal abuse I experienced has been happening all along. Even before we got married so for me when I start thinking about him and letting go I think about all the things he has done to me the last 20 years. I just wish I did it sooner.
I'm in now way close to being healed. I have a long way to go. I think today I'm just having a good day. Last night I was having a bad night knowing he was with my kids and I wished I was there to protect them and knock some sense into this man.
I just wish I could sleep. I don't think I really slept in over a year. I'm so exhausted. I hope eventually sleep will come and I will feel refreshed.
I wish you good luck and PM me if you would like.
My thoughts are with you!!!!!
I'm going through the same thing. This rollercoaster. It stinks!!!!! He had a choice a few weeks ago and he chose to drink. He called me on Thursday (3 weeks ago at that) and asked if he could stay the night in the basement since he had no where to go. I said no. Shocked the heck out of me but I did it. The first two weeks have been hard. I was crying a lot. When someone asked me how I was doing I had tears in my eyes. I even cried a few days after he left to the radiator guy who was fixing a leak on my car because he asked what had been done to the car and when I mentioned my AH did this or that waterworks came on with a complete stranger.
It consumed the first two weeks of my life. My kids ate whatever was there. cereal, eggs, chicken nuggets. They are 14. I didn't eat. I tried to do things but I didn't have the energy to do anything but be a lump on the sofa. Watching TV but not really watching. Even the first time I went food shopping when he left i broke down in the middle of the aisle crying because I realized he was gone and I wasn't buy anything for him. Just me and the kids. It was very difficult. I do get embarrassed when I cry in public but most of the time I don't care. It's what I feel and can't help my emotions.
He is living with a friend of mine so I know where he is and I'm obsessed with that. The kids had dinner with him last night and told him how they felt and he turned around and told them that he deserved to have a couple beers. Well if he deserves to have a couple beers then the kids and I deserve to live in our home in peace. His choice. Each day does get easier. Today was the first day I drove to work and was actually not worrying about anything. It felt good. I can't remember the last time I didn't worry.
What I think helped today is that I bought the book Codependant No More and that book is me exactly. It helped me see who I am. I can't wait to finish it and read it again. I'm not the type of person that likes self help books but this one I would recommend. I'm also leaving it around so maybe the kids will pick it up and glance through it. It might explain to them their own behavior because of the alcoholic.
I haven't read your story so I'm not familiar with the particulars.
I just want to let you know my thoughts are with you and hang in there. You have to what's best for you and the kids. The kids, to me, are the most important.
For me letting go is hard because we have been together for 20 years and as I look back I see that the verbal abuse I experienced has been happening all along. Even before we got married so for me when I start thinking about him and letting go I think about all the things he has done to me the last 20 years. I just wish I did it sooner.
I'm in now way close to being healed. I have a long way to go. I think today I'm just having a good day. Last night I was having a bad night knowing he was with my kids and I wished I was there to protect them and knock some sense into this man.
I just wish I could sleep. I don't think I really slept in over a year. I'm so exhausted. I hope eventually sleep will come and I will feel refreshed.
I wish you good luck and PM me if you would like.
My thoughts are with you!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
KV816 -- I bawled on and off for the first YEAR of my separation/divorce! Oh, man I was a wreck!
Give yourself permission to mourn, and try to have some positive statements or actions planned so you are moving even tiny steps forward out of the doldrums.
Two affirmations I used a lot that first year:
"Out with the old, in with the new."
"I now choose a safe, joyful, peaceful future."
And I tried to "do" things that helped me get through the aftermath of "those" unbearable moments: movies, running, baking, therapy!
Good luck- easy does it....
Peace-
B
Give yourself permission to mourn, and try to have some positive statements or actions planned so you are moving even tiny steps forward out of the doldrums.
Two affirmations I used a lot that first year:
"Out with the old, in with the new."
"I now choose a safe, joyful, peaceful future."
And I tried to "do" things that helped me get through the aftermath of "those" unbearable moments: movies, running, baking, therapy!
Good luck- easy does it....
Peace-
B
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 105
My xabf and I have been separated for 7 weeks now. I cried quite a few times a day for the first 5. I was also a miserable lump on the couch and couldn't eat. He left me, despite the fact that I had a problem with HIS addictions. I'm still grieving hard but I'm increasingly functional at least.
I really hope I can come out of the depression soon. I think it takes a while to be able to let go. Baby steps, but now that I look back I know that I have improved, which is reassuring. Wish I was over him, but oh well... Let yourself cry. I tell myself: ok this is one less time you're going to cry over him - one step closer to feeling better.
I really hope I can come out of the depression soon. I think it takes a while to be able to let go. Baby steps, but now that I look back I know that I have improved, which is reassuring. Wish I was over him, but oh well... Let yourself cry. I tell myself: ok this is one less time you're going to cry over him - one step closer to feeling better.
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Thanks guys. I'm feeling better tonight, a little anyway.
He showed up at my work this afternoon. My heart sank into my stomach. He looked awful, crackly voice. I've never seen or heard him so upset. It tore me apart. We talked a little. I kept my composure as best as I could. I didn't want to fall apart in front of him. He said he tried to call over the last three days but couldn't get through, he guessed I changed my number. He said he went to send me a message on myspace, but it said I no longer existed. And IM's went unanswered so he assumed I blocked him.
He said he has laid awake every night thinking about what happened Sunday night, our phone call that jumped me into doing all that I did. Said he didn't blame me. Tearfully apologized for letting his mind take control and for losing his temper. Wished me the best for my future. And then he walked away. He never once asked for my new number.
I walked into my office, damn near hit my knees and cried.
I got something to help me sleep tonight. It's early but I'm going to go lay down and try to relax. Lord knows I need it. I want to wake up with a clear head tomorrow. I'm too tired to really feel anything right now.
He showed up at my work this afternoon. My heart sank into my stomach. He looked awful, crackly voice. I've never seen or heard him so upset. It tore me apart. We talked a little. I kept my composure as best as I could. I didn't want to fall apart in front of him. He said he tried to call over the last three days but couldn't get through, he guessed I changed my number. He said he went to send me a message on myspace, but it said I no longer existed. And IM's went unanswered so he assumed I blocked him.
He said he has laid awake every night thinking about what happened Sunday night, our phone call that jumped me into doing all that I did. Said he didn't blame me. Tearfully apologized for letting his mind take control and for losing his temper. Wished me the best for my future. And then he walked away. He never once asked for my new number.
I walked into my office, damn near hit my knees and cried.
I got something to help me sleep tonight. It's early but I'm going to go lay down and try to relax. Lord knows I need it. I want to wake up with a clear head tomorrow. I'm too tired to really feel anything right now.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Tearfully apologized for letting his mind take control and for losing his temper. Wished me the best for my future. And then he walked away. He never once asked for my new number.
Well let him have the last word. You'll be safe and sound, and soon SANE without him.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
After a really horrible shouting and abusive evening with a very drunk abf, I fled and booked into a motel for the night. Spent it shaking and crying, and wondering what I would face when I got home to my place next day. That night made me tell him I was thru and to have no contact for next 2 weeks, til like your man, he turned up looking like hell on earth, and said very similar things to me. I let him walk away.
Fast forward a month, and he is in counselling and doing a program, so I asked him if he meant the words that day and meant to stay out of my life, or was it acting.
He said what he said, he meant, but when he turned and walked away he was hoping I would come after him. He knew that he needed me and was terrified, and figured if he told me how sorry he was I would relent and stay around.
When I didn't say a word or make a move, he felt totally shattered and didn't know what to do next, so to the pub he went. When I later refused to help him with detox at home, as I had done countless times before he realised he was on his own, and it was up to him to sort himself.
Getting thru withdrawal alone, and looking at his miserable drunken life, it's losses and lows he didn't know whether to hang himself there and then in despair, or go for real help to get away from the drink. He finally found himself crying out "God help me", and next day rang Drug and Alcohol counsellor.
No-one knows what your man meant with this apology and walking away, but it is his stuff to deal with and either he will continue as is, or maybe seek help.
Whichever it is, it is not in your hands. You are responsible only for your own health and wellbeing, and that needs to come ahead of all else.
I wish you all the best.
God bless
Fast forward a month, and he is in counselling and doing a program, so I asked him if he meant the words that day and meant to stay out of my life, or was it acting.
He said what he said, he meant, but when he turned and walked away he was hoping I would come after him. He knew that he needed me and was terrified, and figured if he told me how sorry he was I would relent and stay around.
When I didn't say a word or make a move, he felt totally shattered and didn't know what to do next, so to the pub he went. When I later refused to help him with detox at home, as I had done countless times before he realised he was on his own, and it was up to him to sort himself.
Getting thru withdrawal alone, and looking at his miserable drunken life, it's losses and lows he didn't know whether to hang himself there and then in despair, or go for real help to get away from the drink. He finally found himself crying out "God help me", and next day rang Drug and Alcohol counsellor.
No-one knows what your man meant with this apology and walking away, but it is his stuff to deal with and either he will continue as is, or maybe seek help.
Whichever it is, it is not in your hands. You are responsible only for your own health and wellbeing, and that needs to come ahead of all else.
I wish you all the best.
God bless
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