Last ditch attempt
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Last ditch attempt
We have not been able to come to any agreement on custody and placement. STBXAH wants to keep it "informal"--in other words he does whatever the hell he wants and I clean up the mess. I told him no.
Family court counseling is looming-which will be hard on the kids but the alcohol and drug abuse needs to be shoved out onto the table and it is not there yet. I wrote my lawyer and told him STXAH told the kids last night that therapy was not working for them and is a big ripoff (hmmm, maybe because he refuses to go so why should anyone else be healthy). I asked him to write STBXAH's attorney in a last ditch effort to get this thing over with the following:
I want full custody (AH does not have the kids' best interest in mind) with placement every other weekend and once a week with the stipulation that AH does not drink or use any non-prescription drugs when he has them for visitation. I told my lawyer it was time for AH's alcohol and drug abuse to be exposed. He said he would contact AH's atty. but doubted it would fly and forwarded my eamil to AH's lawyer.
I doubt AH has even mentioned to his atty that he has any alcohol or drug abuse problems because he is still in the big fat denial stage. If the answer is no we go to family court counseling. I am almost 100% positive the anwer will be no.
Family court counseling is looming-which will be hard on the kids but the alcohol and drug abuse needs to be shoved out onto the table and it is not there yet. I wrote my lawyer and told him STXAH told the kids last night that therapy was not working for them and is a big ripoff (hmmm, maybe because he refuses to go so why should anyone else be healthy). I asked him to write STBXAH's attorney in a last ditch effort to get this thing over with the following:
I want full custody (AH does not have the kids' best interest in mind) with placement every other weekend and once a week with the stipulation that AH does not drink or use any non-prescription drugs when he has them for visitation. I told my lawyer it was time for AH's alcohol and drug abuse to be exposed. He said he would contact AH's atty. but doubted it would fly and forwarded my eamil to AH's lawyer.
I doubt AH has even mentioned to his atty that he has any alcohol or drug abuse problems because he is still in the big fat denial stage. If the answer is no we go to family court counseling. I am almost 100% positive the anwer will be no.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Whichever way your AH jumps, it is YOU who has your kids wellbeing as the main event, and their happiness and safety come way ahead of AH's comfort or keeping his D and A problems a "secret".
You are in my prayers.
God bless
You are in my prayers.
God bless
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
wishing for you it all goes well....its all so difficult isn't it? Especially when they are not being honest about the real problem.....my husband was really good with his doctor at looking at 'my' problems!!.....He just kind of forgot to tell them that about his drinking! doh!......I am thinking of you Phiz
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Good for you for sticking to your guns. It's gotta be tough for sure. I wonder if just letting a judge decide in court would save a lot of attorneys fees? Maybe your STBH doesn't want all this coming up in a courtroom? It might very well be all you have to do is say no, not unless a judge tells me different. And I'll let a judge decide if it comes to that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Jazz I thought by emailing my lawyer and having them have an informal chat that some things could be resolved for less money. I have not heard anything back which could happen for any number of reasons.
PHIZ AH does the same thing to me. Am I perfect and blameless-no--but at least now I am working on it. The first step was to stop being a doormat. He did not like that.
Once again, I am happy I found SR. 3 months ago there is no way that I would have stood at the top of the stairs while he was getting violent and pointed at the door and told him calmly to leave, he was not supposed to be in the house. I did not feel like I needed to placate him or calm him down. I did not walk away so I did not have to listen to his junk. I told him to leave--and he knew I meant it because he did and did not even argue. I think he knew the next step was me calling the police. Could I have done that? I'm not sure. I do know I will not let him hurt the kids or me anymore.
PHIZ AH does the same thing to me. Am I perfect and blameless-no--but at least now I am working on it. The first step was to stop being a doormat. He did not like that.
Once again, I am happy I found SR. 3 months ago there is no way that I would have stood at the top of the stairs while he was getting violent and pointed at the door and told him calmly to leave, he was not supposed to be in the house. I did not feel like I needed to placate him or calm him down. I did not walk away so I did not have to listen to his junk. I told him to leave--and he knew I meant it because he did and did not even argue. I think he knew the next step was me calling the police. Could I have done that? I'm not sure. I do know I will not let him hurt the kids or me anymore.
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