dojoro

Can I tell you every morning I open my eyes and feel as if I had had a lot to drink the night before. I actually have to think about it. It is that same sunken feeling. I have had a few very vivid dreams where I was drinking(actually relapsing) so strange. I don't ever remember dreaming at all before. That initial feeling when I wake is so horrible, but quickly replaced by a great feeling because it just isn't true.

I havent had a drink in 7 days. How come my brain won't connect with that? Got the big book yesterday...starting reading....WOW. eye-opening. I am still astounded by the shear number of AA members. Some parts I connect with others I think ...not me.

The days always starts great and by 5 I am white knuckling it. Still not 100% this is me. I think I can handle one glass now but I won't and the book only in the first few pages has already outlined that. I think I am a "hard drinker" someone stated that awhile back. So maybe I just need a break. Hmmm. I will be back around 5 when my cravings take over and leave me really wondering...Why am I doing this? Have a great day!

Day 8,

Jo

Horselover

Congratulations on going 8 days Jo. Glad you went and got the BB. We aren't all carbons of each other, BUT if you are white knuckling it by 5 pm every day I would say there is something deeper here. A "hard drinker" would most likely not have a huge problem giving up alcohol for a week now in my opinion, but only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or not. It took me many years to swallow that pill and I am glad that I finally have. I no longer have the struggle of whether I can or cannot control my drinking and that is a HUGE weight off me. Good luck and have a great day!

adore79

Sounds like you are on the right track dojoro, keep it up!

Tazman53

dojoro only you can determine if you are an alcoholic or not, if you have not had a drink in a week then you are not experiencing cravings, cravings are part of withdrawal, you are in the mental obsession phase of recovery.

Keep reading the BB and take this test Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You? answer the questions honestly, do not sit and find a way to justify answering them in a manner that would reflect you not being an alcoholic.

Not every alcoholic will relate to every single thing in the BB, but a normal drinker will not relate to it at all.

partydiva

I would agree with all comments. I am on day 6 today! Last night as I was driving to a meeting I chair (in an alcohol environment) I could hear the little negotiations in my head happening...only one drink, won't drink at home, I can have just one. I turned my inner conversation to...don't drink today, don't drink at home and let's just throught this meeting. I felt inspired, encouraged and a feeling of power when I left that meeting - without a drink. Try to turn your mental thoughts in reverse.

littlefish

The first stage of withdrawal is characterized mostly by the physical difficulties, and it can last up to a week. But then there is a longer period, called post acute withdrawal syndrome, that can last longer. It can depend on the person but some estimates are that the cravings, anxiety and other feelings can go on for weeks and months.
Do you have any kind of support program? Talking to a therapist for ex can help.

cambridge

[QUOTE=Tazman53;2421151
Not every alcoholic will relate to every single thing in the BB, but a normal drinker will not relate to it at all.[/QUOTE]

Whoa, really? Not at all? If true that puts a whole new light on things.

smacked

Not to hijack, but that is so very very true. I was reading a little bit to my husband, way back when and he looked at me as if I had been reading to him in another language. It wow'd him too, but only because he had abolutely no idea (for probably the first time in his life lol) what to do with the information I was sharing with him.

Jo, it's every drunks fantasy for a while to think we can go back to the 'just one drink' deal.. some people go back out and try it, usually we don't hear from them again unfortunately. Some people come back having hit a harder bottom than they had before, course no one here kicks our wounded (too hard) or throws a bunch of I told you so's at them.. and rarely, some people go out, moderate their drinking.. and come back and let us know that it works. The skeptic in me assumes they are miserable.. but hopefully not.

Hang in there, you're doing so well.. and I'm sure you're learning things about yourself along the way that you never would have!

Tazman53

Smacked my wife read some of it and looked at me like...........huh!!!

Mark75

Hmm, that Hard Drinker v. Alcoholic thing. Lot's has been written here about that. I'd say that YOUR truth will ultimately come to you. Maybe not in the first 8 days though....

I like what I've heard here a bunch regarding that question... do you start feeling better or worse after you stop drinking?

Keep posting... good to have you here on SR.

Mark

dojoro

Thanks everyone! I spent my first years drinking just like everyone else. Started in high school and then college. WOW. I probably could've done real well in college but I was surronded by other kids drinking as much as me. It seemed normal. Maybe I was drinking more craving more but everyone seemed like a drunk in college. After college the same...always out at the bars or meeting frinds for a drink(at the same time I was a well respected teacher) and then I got my own place and always had the wine...I really thought that was normal. I think most everyone I worked with talked about a glass of wine to calm their nerves...didn't they? It is only now I realize it wasn't the norm. My dad drinks every night...like I did. He is 77 and healthy. Probably finishes close to a magnum of wine each night. Some nights he starts earlier...he is just like me...or I am just like him. I question my sobriety when I look at him. A great person, grandfather. Held a job, stayed married to my Mom, active in our lives but drinks daily and most likely needs to. Can't I do that to? I definitely feel better when I don't drink...I can say that now because I don't have a craving. I get out of bed in the morning...it was so hard before. I think I laugh more, at least more easuly. I don't question myself as much. Thanks for the support!

Jo

Dee74

Jo

My grandad drank, hard, all his life - he's 94 now...he's only stopped because he's in a home and they don't allow alcohol.

I have drinking buds who drank more than I ever did - I hear they're still drinking as much now 3 years later....they never seemed to falter or get sick or even question their drinking...they always managed to get up and go to work and put in 100% day after day...

So what?
I stopped drinking alcohol because of how it affected me

D

caleb76

I am 33, never lost a job, never been to jail, never lost a marriage, never had a DUI etc. I have to watch myself very close to make sure that I remember that I have a problem. It is easy for me to think that I can handle it now, or that it wasn't that bad. I know people that drink harder than I did that are still drinking. Of course they don't have problems, at least in their minds.

I knew my life would be better without alcohol, I knew I would be a better husband without alcohol, I knew I would be a better father without alcohol.

I stopped for me because it was the right thing for me to do.

I can read the AA book and focus on how I am different from the "real" drunks. Or, I can read the AA book and focus on similarities that I share with them.

If I only look at the differences then I don't do any favors for myself. Because the differences can be huge! But, even with the most hopeless drunks in the Big Book I have to admit that there are a lot of similarities to my own story. Much to my dismay, I guess I am an alcoholic.

But, at least I know that now. I never made it that long without alcohol until I really looked at myself closely.

In fact, I can often more easily see that I am alcoholic now after not having alcohol in my life.

My life used to revolve around alcohol but I couldn't see it then.

Congrats on Day 8.

littlefish

Thanks for pointing that out Taz; I threw "cravings" into my description of PAWS. But I am curious: if cravings are only present in withdrawal, what word do you use to describe thoughts about drinking during the mental obsession phase?

ANEWAUGUST

Dojoro....

Congrats on your 7 days of not drinking.

Depending upon your body, your age, how long you have drank, and how much you have drank., you are still experiencing some "getting back to normal" symptoms.

If we have drank alot, for a long period of time, there is still so much that our bodies are lacking to have them firing on all cylinders.

Remember to give yourself time to heal.

To remove those feelings from my life, I attend AA. There, I share my experiences, and see how others have lived without alcohol in their lives. They not only live...they are happy, joyous and free. Something I truly never experienced while drinking. For years, I had alcohol out of my body, but, not my brain...which, lead me to believe I wasn't an alcoholic anymore and could drink again.

I find the strength to fight this, one day at a time in the rooms of AA..

I also don't compare myself to others, including family members who drink. It may look like from the outside, they can handle the alcohol. It doesn't mean that inside they aren't hurting.

I just had to decide if alcohol was a problem in my life, and find a solution.