anono

Hi ,

i wanted to ask if anyone has recognised signs of being an alcoholic in young people not really drinking yet?

i am frightened for my daughter as the more i learn about the disease... the more things i recognise in her.
eg: feeling like she doesnt 'quite' fit in, feeling she is not as good as people thinks she is, not worthy,

she is currently seeing a pyschologist for depression
She is not a regular drinker, but when she does she gets very drunk, and experiences blackouts. she is the one they all laugh and tell 'funny' stories about.
she 'hates' herself after she drinks

she is 16yrs old

any thoughts anyone?

Saphie

That's not an easy one. She's 16 and by the sounds of it a typical teenager; however even when I drank as a teenager I never had a blackout. I also would be concerned about the fact that she hates herself after drinking. Feeling very ill maybe and 'never again' maybe, but hating yourself? I think you should discuss this with your doctor or her phychologist. I know it's not going to be easy, but unless you have an excellent relationship with her and can talk about everything, I think you have to be very careful and sensitive about this. I remember my son's teenage years and mine for that matter (a very long time ago) and you were damned if you did and damned if you didn't. Good luck and keep us informed.

Anna

Wow, it's not legal for her to be drinking at 16 years old, is it ?

My advice would be to spend time hanging out with her, find out who all her friends are and what they do when they're together. Try to plan some activities that the two of you can do together. And, show her by your example that you can live a sober life.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR anono, I can not say a word about drinking at 16, I started when I was about 11 or 12.

My father was a recovering alcoholic and as a result there was NEVER any booze in our house. I was not allowed to come home if I had been drinking even a drop, lucky for me my dad went to bed early.

You know as a parent I want to tell you that you should forbid her to drink until she is of legal age, but as an alcoholic and also a former teenager, telling me to not drink was just as good as putting a bottle in my hand.

Have you spoken to her about her drinking?

From what little you have said it would probably be a good idea to have her talk to therapist that specializes in alcoholism and drug addiction. Perhaps the 2 of you together could go to some AA speakers meetings.

Is she an alcoholic? I have no idea, and for it to matter one iota if she is or she is not is totally in her hands, only she can determine if she is an alcoholic and have it matter.

Tons of people knew I was an alcoholic for years before I was able to even begin to see it, little lone doing something about it.

BunnyLaRoo

Anono, I am so glad you have spotted these behaviors in your daughter at her early age. While I couldn't possibly say whether it means she is an "alcoholic" or destined to be one, it is still very worrying behavior. That fact that you know about it, recognize that's it's not ordinary is a very good thing. I hope you will work with her, talk to her doctor and make sure you and she deal with these habits now will help prevent her from falling into a life of drinking and hating that is part of the alcoholic experience. Good luck.

4ever

The only thing I can refer to for this is my own daughter. She is now 20 and in College. Fortunately we have always been close and she tells me everything (sometimes its more than what I want to know). At 16 she had gone to a couple of parties, but never experienced what your daughter is going through. And I never condoned her going, but knew that she would whether I approved or not. I really think that you should speak to her pyschologist about this because this really should be addressed.

Horselover

How great that you have been given the gift to recognize these symptoms. I wish someone had in my life. I would say to openly communicate with her as much as possible. My son is 6 turning 7 years old this month and I have already started talking with him about alcohol and cigarettes. I had both those vices and am or try to be very honest with him about the fact that I was engaged in using or rather abusing both and they were EXTREMELY hard to give up. I tell him that it is very likely he will have a possibility of becoming addicted and so he must be aware of that possibility. This conversation is put in 6 year old terminology though. It will expand as he grows.

Is your daughter involved in any sports or clubs? Do you have a YMCA around? Anything to keep her busy and grow her confidence might help. Just a suggestion.

Dee74

Some great advice here Kate.

I don't think it matters at all whether she's alcoholic or not - the fact that she's underage, and she's drinking, however infrequently, to get drunk and to blackout is really alarming to me...I think you're right to be concerned.

Please do listen to the folks here.

This website might have information for you both
DrinkingNightmare - Home Page

D

Gypsy Feet

MY daughter is 22, and a pothead. The best thing I can do for her now, is live by example (unfortunately I was doing that her first 21 years by being a drunk and a druggie). We talk some about it, but I can neither preach nor push. I would suggest you read up on al-anon/codependency to learn how to set healthy boundaries.

DesertKate

A man named Terry Gorski has done groundbreaking research which pretty clearly identifies a history of depression as the single biggest risk factor for relapse. And I think that those of us in recovery who've had lifelong experience with depression will tell you that we drank to self medicate that depression- which never works out well in the end

I am the oldest of seven kids and the first in my family to get sober. When I entered AAin 1978, all my sibs were quite young (as was I), but I could easily tell which ones would become alcoholic. All of us shared a genetic predicposition to alcoholism as it peppered our Irish family tree. But only the four of us who grappled with depression as kids became alcoholic. Luckily, because I entered recovery so early, I was able to help my siblings as they grew up and into their disease. It wasn't easy to watch or to help- you have to wait until smeone's ready. And I had to cut off contact with one brother for a period of time and stop enabling him.

Today, all are sober, thanks be to God!
The good news about depression today, which wasn't true in my youth, is that it is TREATABLE and does not have to be so crippling as it once was. Hope this helps.

NewMe11109

A couple of thoughts about signs of alcoholism ....

1. I have a lot of "addictive behaviors" besides alcohol. While these behaviors (or defects of character as I've learned they are called) can make me very successful in some aspects of life, after I realized that I was an alcoholic, I saw them more clearly. See if your child has other addictive behaviors - this could be a warning sign (e.g. I still bite my nails !!!)

2. Alcohol is our solution to our underlying problem. My underlying problem was putting too much pressure on myself and wanting to control things that were out of my control. This has nothing to do with alcoholism, but these feelings drove my desire to drink. So, helping a child feel happy and balanced can go a long way to helping this.

3. Obviously the alcoholism in one's family and the genetic pre-disposition for alcoholism

4. Binge drinking to the point of blackouts is a serious problem regardless of whether she is an alcoholic or not. I highly recommend that you somehow get her introduced to some AA materials (there is a teenagers section on the AA website at Alcoholics Anonymous :)

I am an alcoholic, but I never blacked out until I was in my 30s. Some people have blackouts immediately upon starting drinking.

If you asked my opinion, I would say with 90% certainty that she is probably an alcoholic (or will become one without some intervention).

My thoughts are with you.

anono

thanks everyone for your feedback.. it is really appreciated. Her behaviour was one of the deciding factors for me to stop drinking and get to AA... to lead by example... at the time i didnt realise what a huge positive impact that would have on our homelife... and i have to say it has been huge.. i can only pray that it will influence her decision making in a positive way.

treatment for teen depression is much improved today... she has been getting great support from her teachers and has a wonderful pyschologist.

16 is way underage to drink... and i certainly dont condone it, but i tried the forbidding , grounding road.. and i think it did put the bottle in her hand!

i have tried tactfully to bring up teen alcoholic, we have a few in our meetings, but she is nowhere near ready to hear.

she is however very proud of me and what i am achieving..


thanks again so much for the feedback.. i feel much better.. and thanks for the websites, i have bookmarked them




kate