Why do I always get left behind????
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Why do I always get left behind????
OMG!!!! I just typed everything exactly like I wanted it and it didn't post and then it was GONE!!!!
I am struggling with why I always have to adjust and give and change my plans.
My husband decided to bug out on my Friday night, he chose hanging out with his newly divorced friend instead of being here. I was OK with it and made dinner plans with a friend/neighbor and all the children....except one of mine that was with my husband. Then Saturday he took the middle child to football, I took the oldest (and the toddler) to his basketball and we were all going to meet back at the house to grill out and watch a football game. (his team vs mine) After the games he called me and said his Mom would keep the kids for us to ride on Sunday. I asked if dinner plans were still on because he was at that same friends house with our son AGAIN! He said NO, they would just eat there!!!! So I adjusted AGAIN and invited over the same friend and her children since I had a FAMILY SIZE package of pork chops already thawed. Hubby shows up and eats dinner. Then we get up today, my two oldest went to the Falcons game with my Mom and I thought his Mom was keeping the toddler for us to ride. Well NO HE HAS CHANGED HIS MIND AGAIN!!! Since there is a ball sign up that we have to go to between 2-4 that ruins his whole day and WE are not doing ANYTHING!!! HE left, after he told me to do something with my sister, to go to the driving range......then he calls, he is going to his brothers to help him with his computer.....same brother he had to take home last week because he was too DRUNK to watch the football game.
Now here I sit, responsible to sign the boys up for their winter ball, clothes need to be washed, and I guess I am expected to have dinner ready when everyone gets home. NOT TODAY!
Funny how these things didn't happen when hubby was sober for 30 days.....he isn't getting drunk now, but the alcohol just changes him. I KNOW it isn't just my imagination, I see him get confused, frustrated and BORED....so he dumps on us and leaves to "feel better" He can't stay couped up in this house......but he can't "do" anything with us either. That isn't what I saw when he was clean for 30.....he enjoyed being here and doing things with us.....sure wish he would see it. I hate being this mad....I know what it makes me be.
Guess I am going to take my toddler to do something fun...not sure what, but I will come up with something.
Why does it have to be like this and how do I deal with it....do I just NOT EVER make plans with him because he might change his mind?
Blessings,
Constant
I am struggling with why I always have to adjust and give and change my plans.
My husband decided to bug out on my Friday night, he chose hanging out with his newly divorced friend instead of being here. I was OK with it and made dinner plans with a friend/neighbor and all the children....except one of mine that was with my husband. Then Saturday he took the middle child to football, I took the oldest (and the toddler) to his basketball and we were all going to meet back at the house to grill out and watch a football game. (his team vs mine) After the games he called me and said his Mom would keep the kids for us to ride on Sunday. I asked if dinner plans were still on because he was at that same friends house with our son AGAIN! He said NO, they would just eat there!!!! So I adjusted AGAIN and invited over the same friend and her children since I had a FAMILY SIZE package of pork chops already thawed. Hubby shows up and eats dinner. Then we get up today, my two oldest went to the Falcons game with my Mom and I thought his Mom was keeping the toddler for us to ride. Well NO HE HAS CHANGED HIS MIND AGAIN!!! Since there is a ball sign up that we have to go to between 2-4 that ruins his whole day and WE are not doing ANYTHING!!! HE left, after he told me to do something with my sister, to go to the driving range......then he calls, he is going to his brothers to help him with his computer.....same brother he had to take home last week because he was too DRUNK to watch the football game.
Now here I sit, responsible to sign the boys up for their winter ball, clothes need to be washed, and I guess I am expected to have dinner ready when everyone gets home. NOT TODAY!
Funny how these things didn't happen when hubby was sober for 30 days.....he isn't getting drunk now, but the alcohol just changes him. I KNOW it isn't just my imagination, I see him get confused, frustrated and BORED....so he dumps on us and leaves to "feel better" He can't stay couped up in this house......but he can't "do" anything with us either. That isn't what I saw when he was clean for 30.....he enjoyed being here and doing things with us.....sure wish he would see it. I hate being this mad....I know what it makes me be.
Guess I am going to take my toddler to do something fun...not sure what, but I will come up with something.
Why does it have to be like this and how do I deal with it....do I just NOT EVER make plans with him because he might change his mind?
Blessings,
Constant
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Since he seems to constantly
bug out on you at the last minute, I would always have a "Plan B" in mind. Either that, or just start making plans of your own. When he complains (and he will) just tell him what you just told us. That you are tired of being dumped at the last minute. My ex-A was a lot like this. One of the many good things about not living with him anymore is that he no longer has the ability to rain on our parade.
Peace,
Gabe
Peace,
Gabe
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
(((((Constant)))))
"I am struggling with why I always have to:::::"
Sounds like the statements I make all the time to my Al-Anon sponsor and SHE always says;
"Because your the one who works a 12 step program..." She's so sweet you'd just never believe she'd say that to ME. LOL!
Constant, I do understand where you are, really I do but it makes sense to me today to have a plan B, especially when living with an A, sober in recovery, or not...and If they are drinking there is no misunderstanding the why at all...
Sounds to me like you did a very good recovery job in re-focusing yourself....
One liner that helps me under any change of plans (I hate change)
WHAT WOULD I BE DOING RIGHT NOW IF THIS WASN'T HAPPENING? Then I have to take the action and do it...Sometimes I do it smiling and am OK. Sometimes, I want to rant and rave. But I do whatever is in front of me to do...BECAUASE I want to move forward not stand still or go backwards.
"I can do for 12 hours what would appall me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime."
Just for today bookmark
God Bless....
"I am struggling with why I always have to:::::"
Sounds like the statements I make all the time to my Al-Anon sponsor and SHE always says;
"Because your the one who works a 12 step program..." She's so sweet you'd just never believe she'd say that to ME. LOL!
Constant, I do understand where you are, really I do but it makes sense to me today to have a plan B, especially when living with an A, sober in recovery, or not...and If they are drinking there is no misunderstanding the why at all...
Sounds to me like you did a very good recovery job in re-focusing yourself....
One liner that helps me under any change of plans (I hate change)
WHAT WOULD I BE DOING RIGHT NOW IF THIS WASN'T HAPPENING? Then I have to take the action and do it...Sometimes I do it smiling and am OK. Sometimes, I want to rant and rave. But I do whatever is in front of me to do...BECAUASE I want to move forward not stand still or go backwards.
"I can do for 12 hours what would appall me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime."
Just for today bookmark
God Bless....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
Well, since you saw mine, you know the weekend I had.. I would say-- kill him!!!(just kidding)
It's just so unfair that they just do what they want, whenever they want, and we just have to pick up the pieces.
Grumble grumble grumble...
We rarely make plans, as they usually do fall apart. If something is important, he can usually pull himself together enough to be around. Lost weekends are frequent, tho. There is only 1 weekend I can remember in many many years that there was no alcohol involved-- every other weekend at least 1 day, and usually both he is drinking or hung over and sleeping all day. Last weekend he mowed the lawn. That's about the extent of what he has accomplished around the house. Now we have football!!! and bowling!!!
His family and friends are in this every other Saturday night league. He wanted to do it last year, but he was invited on this team and I was forgotten.I put my foot down and he did not join.
He was on this league years ago, and it was awful!!! Saturday nite always rolled into all day Sunday.
Anyway, his brother died about 4 mos ago, and there was joking that he would take his brother's place. I forgot about it, until he took his brother's widow aside and asked her not to mention him not going (3 weeks ago) due to a surprise party victim being present. Anway, the widow told me what my A said. That was my first notice he was going through with it!!!! I was livid. Not only because he did not discuss it with me, but that he blew me off again!!! What am I, chopped liver??His sister (about whom I have complained at length before) made a comment about getting another team together, with me on it, but proceeded to get her whole team without me.
So I have ahuge resentment againt bowling, and football, and softball and golf, etc etc etc....
His excuse was that he was volunteered for the bowling team, and didn't have a choice. And the horrible thing is that I really can't complain- he's taking his dead brother's place!!!
It's just so unfair that they just do what they want, whenever they want, and we just have to pick up the pieces.
Grumble grumble grumble...
We rarely make plans, as they usually do fall apart. If something is important, he can usually pull himself together enough to be around. Lost weekends are frequent, tho. There is only 1 weekend I can remember in many many years that there was no alcohol involved-- every other weekend at least 1 day, and usually both he is drinking or hung over and sleeping all day. Last weekend he mowed the lawn. That's about the extent of what he has accomplished around the house. Now we have football!!! and bowling!!!
His family and friends are in this every other Saturday night league. He wanted to do it last year, but he was invited on this team and I was forgotten.I put my foot down and he did not join.
He was on this league years ago, and it was awful!!! Saturday nite always rolled into all day Sunday.
Anyway, his brother died about 4 mos ago, and there was joking that he would take his brother's place. I forgot about it, until he took his brother's widow aside and asked her not to mention him not going (3 weeks ago) due to a surprise party victim being present. Anway, the widow told me what my A said. That was my first notice he was going through with it!!!! I was livid. Not only because he did not discuss it with me, but that he blew me off again!!! What am I, chopped liver??His sister (about whom I have complained at length before) made a comment about getting another team together, with me on it, but proceeded to get her whole team without me.
So I have ahuge resentment againt bowling, and football, and softball and golf, etc etc etc....
His excuse was that he was volunteered for the bowling team, and didn't have a choice. And the horrible thing is that I really can't complain- he's taking his dead brother's place!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Thanks gals for the support......he did come home around dinner time.....sober....he had alcohol on his breath, but he was sober. He didn't ask about dinner....there wasn't any!!!
I spent the afternoon signing the boys up for basketball and dropping off my mothers car, picking up a frame to make a picture collage and took my daughter to get ice cream. All in all it was a nice afternoon!
When hubby got home, he came bearing gifts. One for each of us and two boxes of Bottle Caps to share. Do ya think maybe he felt guilty about being gone, AGAIN?
I guess I am just going to have to take the initiative to make plans that he can either be there or not instead of making plans with him....even if he does seem like he wants to participate. I already have plans to go to the football game with my Mom next weekend.....I LOVE FOOTBALL.....so sports are fine with me!
I also cut my days back at work to three, so I can spend more time with my three year old....I have decided to go back to Wednesday night church too...they have a great program that my boys love and the only reason we didn't go any more was because it is the only night we don't have practice.....if we go to church we don't get to see hubby. He won't go. Well not going because he won't isn't a good enough reason not to go...SO THERE.
Thanks again......I am off to watch TV alone.....everyone else has gone to bed.
Sweet dreams,
Constant
I spent the afternoon signing the boys up for basketball and dropping off my mothers car, picking up a frame to make a picture collage and took my daughter to get ice cream. All in all it was a nice afternoon!
When hubby got home, he came bearing gifts. One for each of us and two boxes of Bottle Caps to share. Do ya think maybe he felt guilty about being gone, AGAIN?
I guess I am just going to have to take the initiative to make plans that he can either be there or not instead of making plans with him....even if he does seem like he wants to participate. I already have plans to go to the football game with my Mom next weekend.....I LOVE FOOTBALL.....so sports are fine with me!
I also cut my days back at work to three, so I can spend more time with my three year old....I have decided to go back to Wednesday night church too...they have a great program that my boys love and the only reason we didn't go any more was because it is the only night we don't have practice.....if we go to church we don't get to see hubby. He won't go. Well not going because he won't isn't a good enough reason not to go...SO THERE.
Thanks again......I am off to watch TV alone.....everyone else has gone to bed.
Sweet dreams,
Constant
Paused
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Eugene, Oregon
Posts: 5
Except for the sports part, you and I may have shared the same husband! I was once like you, changed and am now slipping back into my old habits once again...meaning why am I the one doing all the work? You know what? I don't HAVE to do anything except live and die. The world will not end if the clothes don't get washed, teach your kids to wash their own clothes, anyone can wash a load of towels and let your husband take care of himself. I like how you invited peopole over to eat the pork chops.
Thanks for the reality check, I needed to read this and put my own self in check.
Thanks for the reality check, I needed to read this and put my own self in check.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
