Beard82

Hi All,
New to the forums, it's time I stop drinking.
Binge drinker, was a heavy drinker a few nights a week, now 4-5 nights a week and getting worse.
Starting to affect my relationship (getting married in 3 months) and whilst I'm still holding my job together well I'm sure it's just a matter of time.
My partner is coming home tomorrow from being interstate and is expecting me to be drunk and I want to suprise her by being sober and staying that way(Live in Australia and it's Melbourne Cup Day tomorrow...whole country gets drunk)
I have 2 questions. Firstly, is AA necessary to recover from alcoholism or can I do it on my own? (Several failed attempts but never been as serious as I am now)
Secondly, if I do have to go to AA how do you walk through the door that first time? I live in an area where I'm not prepared to attend (worried about job and reputation in a small community) but would drive to another town to go if need be. Just feel an incredible sense of embarresment in admitting this problem to others face to face. How do I overcome this and just do what I need to do to get better?
Thanks in advance
Beard

thirtybubba

Welcome to SR, Beard

There's a lot of support here, if you want to quit drinking.

To your first question, there's AA, and there's other programs...
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information. Some get by with SR. Others will probably be along to tell you what they do to stay sober, or you can read it in other posts here in Newcomers forum.

How do you go in? Well, I had my first a few weeks back, just go in. They might not ask you to admit anything, if it's a "open" meeting. Otherwise, you still don't have to. I keep forgetting, just say my name and that's all, and I've been to about ten meetings. Nobody's said anything.

Best of luck, stay around and stay posting/reading...
-TB

Tazman53

Welcome to SR Beard82.

For me it was, but not for everyone, there are other programs besides AA, there are those who recover on thier own and those that use SR.

Ones odds of staying sober go up when they seek help from others who have some experience at staying sober, they go up even more when they are working a program of recovery.

Every one is different, what works for one may not work for another.

The first time I walked through the doors of AA it was to get my wife off my butt, I was drunk on my butt and had no problem walking in, as drunk as I was then I might have waleked into a police station!!! What surprised me was, I was not asked to leave even though I was drunk, instead I was made to feel quit welcome by several folks there! I left that meeting thinking "Wow those people seemed normal and they were friendly as well!"

When I went to that first meeting I was far from ready to stop drinking, I just wanted my wife off my butt!!!

5 years later my alcoholism forced me to go into detox, because I did not want to die from drinking, but I could not stop drinking. While in detox they had us all go to an AA meeting every night. We went to regualr AA meetings and once again the people were normal looking and acting and still freindly.

In detox they told us if we wanted a chance at staying sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. Well for many years no matter how serious I was about stopping drinking I always wound up drinking again, so I figured what the heck, I know I can not stay stopped my way, so I will try another way. I learned that millions of alcoholics have found long term sobriety in AA so they must know something.

Very common worry, take a look at the full name of AA, it is Alcoholics Anonymous.

Now let us look at this logically, if some one goes to a fellowship that is Anonymous would they not respect the anonymity of the others attending?

Let us say you go to an AA meeting and see some one you know, are you going to go running around telling people "Guess who I saw at an AA meeting?". Of course not, because the next thing that person would ask is "Why were you there?" This is the exact reason the person who knows you and sees you there is not going to tell anyone else they saw you are there.

I see you are in Australia, but that does not mean you can not relate to what I am about to say. There are people in VERY high places in the US government that attend AA on a regular basis. I know this to be a fact, but I have no idea who they are, because it is Alcoholcs Anonymous, even if I did know, I would not tell anyone because remaining Anonymous is very important to many people in AA.

I live in a fairly small community as well, we have a retired minister, several lawyers, one very prominant even, in the federal government, we have community leaders, politicians, business owners as well as bussinessmen.

Ask your self this "Would I rather be known as a drunk or a recovering alcoholic in AA?

I work as a governemnt contractor, in a VERY sensative area.

I bet you already know folks in AA and do not know it, and if you do know it I bet it is because they told you.

txsar

Hi Beard82,
I went to my first AA meeting this Saturday morning. Last year I drove by 2 or 3 different meetings but didn't have the courage to go in. So after several attempts to stop drinking by myself over the last year without success, I finally walked in the door. It was scary but I knew if I was going to stop I had to do something different. The meeting that I went to was a "Women Only - closed meeting". There was no pressure to talk and everyone was very welcoming, understanding and supportive. They gave me information to read and their phone numbers to call if I needed to talk. I'm only on Day 7 now but getting over that hurdle feels like a relief. I will be going back. As others have said, AA is not the only recovery program. You will find one that works for you.

Welcome to SR!

marty888

Hey mate, not sure where in Oz you are, but I on the Gold Coast and tons of meetings here.
I was terrified to go to my first but it ended up the best thing I have ever done. Anonymity is taken very serious so dont worry about that. Also I have seen quite a few high profile people there and they just are treated no different to anyone else.
Remember we all there for the same reason.

Anna

Hi,

I'm glad you made the decision to live a sober life.

There are many of us here who do not use AA to recover. The main thing is that you stop drinking and then you learn to live your life on life's terms.

Wolfchild

smacked

No, and in my experience, no.

However.. when I did used to go to AA meetings, and when I went to my first one, I went a bit early, helped set up chairs, made small talk w/ the chairperson about it being my first meeting etc.

I also had to get out of my head that I was in any way more important, well known, respected, or recognizable than anyone else there....how dare I think that about myself compared to people I had yet to meet! I sure as hell didn't care what I was seen as when I was drunk, and I've never been more proud of myself as I have since I've been sober.

Dee74

Hi Beard

Lots of good advice here. I'm not in AA, so no, its not the only way.

Most people choose some kind of recovery programme and face to face support tho - no-one ever does this alone IMO. We all need support.

I'm an Aussie too - er...you don't really believe this do you?

Even when I was drinking I knew that wasn't true
D

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.....

I went to my first meeting with a friend.
That's what a lot of people do.

Good to know your planning on having a
sober healthy future.....

joedris

I wouldn't worry about the incredible embarrassment of admitting the problem to others face to face. You'll be admitting it to people who have the same problem! And having the same problem and more than likely some experience in dealing with that problem, they are exactly the people you want to talk to. They're the ones that can help you. That is what AA is all about - alcoholics helping other alcoholics. So swallow your pride, walk into a meeting and tell everyone that you're new and need help. It's easy. We've all done it. If by chance you go to a meeting that leaves you less than overwhelmed, find another one.

Beard82

Hi All,
Just typed a long reply but the computer died.
Firstly, a huge thankyou to everyone that has replied, it's been a great help. On day 5 today and feeling good apart from a few headaches and general tiredness.
Didn't go to AA but have just read a lot on here and stayed away from bottle shops, pubs and seeing my mates.
Dee - Don't really believe the whole country is drunk, but certaintly everyone I normally spend cup day with is. Stayed home alone and watched in on TV.
Thanks again for your help everyone. I've got my fingers crossed to make it to a week.

Dee74

I didn't even do that.
Who won?

Just kidding LOL
D

Beard82

Morning All,
Day 8 today. I made 1 week :-)
Yesterday was very tough and wanted badly to drink - relationship problems that led to anxiety I hadn't felt in a long time. Luckily I had to work until 9pm and just fell into bed afterwards.
I feel exhausted all the time, how long does this last???
I hope you're all feeling good and stay strong for another day :-)
Cheers
Beard

smacked

I felt much better after a couple of months. Amazing what the body can recover from, really.

Beard82

Hey,
Just wanted to apologise for wasting everyones time. Last 2 nights back drinking again :-(
Not drank lots but enough to be unimpressed with myself.
Want to get better but can't see how. Maybe AA is my only hope :-(

marty888

Mate, you have not wasted anyones time, its a battle we all face.
AA was my last hope, I swore I would never go, but ended up realising I just couldnt do it on my own. It has been the only way I have been able to get sober.

Tazman53

AA is not a magic bullet for all, but for me it was. One important thing to keep in mind is that AA is both a fellowship where one alcoholic helps another alcoholic stay sober by sharing thier experience strength & hope in meetings, social activities, and friendships, for some the fellowship alone is enough for them to stay sober, for others like me I had to also embrace fully the Program of AA which is contained in the first 164 pages of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12 steps are the meat and potatoes of the program of AA and should be taken with a sponsor who has already been through the 12 steps with his sponsor.

I do not care what program one choses, every single one has to be WORKED in thier entirety, picking and chosing what parts of a program one likes or feels up to working normally does not lead to long term sobriety.

In AA the BB says "Half measures availed us nothing."

One thing about alcoholism is there is no middle ground, we are either sober or not sober!

If we are looking to split a cord of fire wood and just half way do the job half way we still have a half cord of split wood, when it comes to recovering from alcoholism we are either recovering or drunk.

jahnilee59

Beard, I can't say enough good things about AA. It has become the most important part of my sobriety over the last 20 years. If it is your "only" hope, then you are a very blessed person. Keep coming back, you are not wasting my time by reminding me that all of my misery is still out there waiting for me if I choose to abuse again. John in Oklahoma

Beard82

Thanks Marty, Taz and John.
I can't see where my life went wrong. **** I'm dissapointed I cant beat this by myself.
I've drank 14 beers tonight. Have to work tomorrow...shattered
Last night was fun (3 beers and 3 gins). Moderation doesnt' exist (look at mt progress)
AA Meeting satdy morning. **** scared, but more scared of consequences of not going.