Trying not to call/text/visit him
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
Trying not to call/text/visit him
So I have had no contact for 4-5 days now after I told him to ring me when he wants to tell me the truth all the time in this relationship.
He's not ringing. Not doing anything. Which does speak volumes.
I am kinda going crazy. I want to ring and yell. I want to text everything I'm feeling. I want to go over there and throw stuff at him.
I know I can't because that's what I've always done.
I need to calm down.
Does anyone have any tips?
I deleted his phone number...but, sadly, I know it off by heart.
Crazy
He's not ringing. Not doing anything. Which does speak volumes.
I am kinda going crazy. I want to ring and yell. I want to text everything I'm feeling. I want to go over there and throw stuff at him.
I know I can't because that's what I've always done.
I need to calm down.
Does anyone have any tips?
I deleted his phone number...but, sadly, I know it off by heart.
Crazy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Hop on down to Recovery Follies and read jokes for awhile!
Then maybe cruise The Best of SR
and just hop around all over the boards and see what catches your attention.
Do not put your finger on that phone! Stop. Turn it off and put it in the other room!
okay, I am kidding around with you about the phone.....but just kick in your stubborn determination and do something different.
You can grab pen and paper and write everything you want to say, but that is too much dwelling for me....it helps some lots tho!
I will be up for awhile...if you want to chat.
Then maybe cruise The Best of SR
and just hop around all over the boards and see what catches your attention.
Do not put your finger on that phone! Stop. Turn it off and put it in the other room!
okay, I am kidding around with you about the phone.....but just kick in your stubborn determination and do something different.
You can grab pen and paper and write everything you want to say, but that is too much dwelling for me....it helps some lots tho!
I will be up for awhile...if you want to chat.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
Thank you!
You are a gem.
I might make dinner and then cruise best of sr.
I'm thinking things like "what if he has drunk himself to death and is in is house all alone and he dog is now starving"
I've been calm all day and not expecting his usual text messages, but when I get home from work I used to always call to talk.......
You are a gem.
I might make dinner and then cruise best of sr.
I'm thinking things like "what if he has drunk himself to death and is in is house all alone and he dog is now starving"
I've been calm all day and not expecting his usual text messages, but when I get home from work I used to always call to talk.......
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Can I come over for dinner? I hate to cook. 
I was such in bad shape that the only way I could do no contact was to come here and count every day just like I was counting sobriety. And it really helped me, I doubt if I would have held to it without coming here and being accountable. And then, after 30 days, I didn't have to count anymore.
But I think I stayed here at SR for that whole first month! LOL
I was such in bad shape that the only way I could do no contact was to come here and count every day just like I was counting sobriety. And it really helped me, I doubt if I would have held to it without coming here and being accountable. And then, after 30 days, I didn't have to count anymore.
But I think I stayed here at SR for that whole first month! LOL
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
normae - i'm going through what your going through now. since my ah left over 2 weeks ago we have talked but nothing seems to get resolved so I texted him that i love him, etc. saturday night he got trashed and kept calling me and texting me about he thnks i'm sleeping with his brother cuz i helped him out with the cell phone and that i never help him, blah, blah, blah. All night Saturday he kept calling and of course I answered like an idiot. Yesterday I vowed not to contact him and I didn't. Today he is supposed to take my son to dinner. We;ll see if he is going to contact to take him out. I'm not going to text him. When he yelled on saturday made me realize why he's not in the house anymore.
I think the more I have contact the more harder it is for me to get on with my life. Today is only day 2 of no contact and I feel like I want to text him right now. but I'm not going to. I have anxiousness and a pit in my belly.
I keep coming back and reading and it reminds of why he is out the door. I'm glad you posted about no contact because I really needed your post today. Thank you
Good luck
I think the more I have contact the more harder it is for me to get on with my life. Today is only day 2 of no contact and I feel like I want to text him right now. but I'm not going to. I have anxiousness and a pit in my belly.
I keep coming back and reading and it reminds of why he is out the door. I'm glad you posted about no contact because I really needed your post today. Thank you
Good luck
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
veryregretful - I have the same anxiousness in the pit of my stomach as well, I feel sick and I really wish I didn't. I really wish this was easier for me. I'm sure it's damn easy for him. I'm so dumb, I keep looking at my phone thinking "oh, maybe this is from him" Of course it's not and I shouldn't want it to be.
I'm going to write up a list of what I wont miss and of all the things I can remember that have caused me pain and embarrasment to keep from contacting him,
Good luck to you to.
Tell me how you're going!
I'm going to write up a list of what I wont miss and of all the things I can remember that have caused me pain and embarrasment to keep from contacting him,
Good luck to you to.
Tell me how you're going!
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I was such in bad shape that the only way I could do no contact was to come here and count every day just like I was counting sobriety. And it really helped me, I doubt if I would have held to it without coming here and being accountable. And then, after 30 days, I didn't have to count anymore.
I think the more I have contact the more harder it is for me to get on with my life. Today is only day 2 of no contact and I feel like I want to text him right now. but I'm not going to. I have anxiousness and a pit in my belly.
Are you guys exercising? Like, getting your heart rate and respitory rate up and keep it there for at least 20 minutes every day? This will help soooo much with the anxiety.
YOu can do it!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Today - I'm going food shopping and I'm going to take the dog for a walk. In the last couple weeks I have neglected him and he looks so sad. He's a yellow lab and he'd be happy to take a walk for even 15 minutes.
Right now, as I'm thinking of walking him, it seems like it is going to take tons of energy and it will be a chore. I don't want it to be a chore to walk him. I love my dog. He's a yellow lab and he's always by my side. I vow to go and walk him. These are the only two things I have planned today as anymore would overwhelm me. Of course I have to make dinner but for anything else that is out of the ordinary I have to figure out what I'm going to do in the afternoon. I hope that makes sense.
So today - I'm not calling my AH (or texting), I'm going to cut coupons then food shop, then walk the dog.
My AH is supposed to take my son to dinner tonight but I'm dying to text him to see if he is coming to take him but I'm not going to. I already told my son he might not take him and he said okay. I don't want the kid to be too dissapointed. He has been disappointed to many times by his dad.
I feel the same way that it is easier for him. He is staying at my best friends house (she's not my best friend anymore) so he has tons of people around and laughter and can do what he wants while I'm home taking care of two kids, cleaning and trying to hold it together for them. It's definately not fair but as I think of it, we have it better, we aren't the ones struggling with the pain to make us drink. We aren't waking up with hangovers. I know where I am living, I'm not homeless. My kids are laughing, etc. I can see this is way much better but it still stinks.
I'm an obsessive person so I hate to admit it but I check his cell phone to see who calls him and who doesn't. That i need to stop. I've been at work since 4:30am this morning. Did early reports like I have to. Went back to my desk at around 6:00 and now it's 8:00am so for two hours I have been here. This is a great site but I think staying on too long is a bit too obsessive, don't you think? lol This site definately helps me when I'm feeling really, really bad and I read and it gives me reassurance.
Normae - I'm going to have to read your earlier posts to understand your situation. You keep in touch with me also and we'll be each other's buddy about not calling/texting the A. Let me know how you are doing. Good luck and hugs. I can't figure out yet how to do the smileys.
I did post a long post in the Alcholic section just to get some insight into things. Hopefully they'll answer and not think I'm some kind of weirdo. lolol
I'll be checking in periodicaly during the day because I really have to work right now. Thanks everyone and talk soon!
Right now, as I'm thinking of walking him, it seems like it is going to take tons of energy and it will be a chore. I don't want it to be a chore to walk him. I love my dog. He's a yellow lab and he's always by my side. I vow to go and walk him. These are the only two things I have planned today as anymore would overwhelm me. Of course I have to make dinner but for anything else that is out of the ordinary I have to figure out what I'm going to do in the afternoon. I hope that makes sense.
So today - I'm not calling my AH (or texting), I'm going to cut coupons then food shop, then walk the dog.
My AH is supposed to take my son to dinner tonight but I'm dying to text him to see if he is coming to take him but I'm not going to. I already told my son he might not take him and he said okay. I don't want the kid to be too dissapointed. He has been disappointed to many times by his dad.
I feel the same way that it is easier for him. He is staying at my best friends house (she's not my best friend anymore) so he has tons of people around and laughter and can do what he wants while I'm home taking care of two kids, cleaning and trying to hold it together for them. It's definately not fair but as I think of it, we have it better, we aren't the ones struggling with the pain to make us drink. We aren't waking up with hangovers. I know where I am living, I'm not homeless. My kids are laughing, etc. I can see this is way much better but it still stinks.
I'm an obsessive person so I hate to admit it but I check his cell phone to see who calls him and who doesn't. That i need to stop. I've been at work since 4:30am this morning. Did early reports like I have to. Went back to my desk at around 6:00 and now it's 8:00am so for two hours I have been here. This is a great site but I think staying on too long is a bit too obsessive, don't you think? lol This site definately helps me when I'm feeling really, really bad and I read and it gives me reassurance.
Normae - I'm going to have to read your earlier posts to understand your situation. You keep in touch with me also and we'll be each other's buddy about not calling/texting the A. Let me know how you are doing. Good luck and hugs. I can't figure out yet how to do the smileys.
I did post a long post in the Alcholic section just to get some insight into things. Hopefully they'll answer and not think I'm some kind of weirdo. lolol
I'll be checking in periodicaly during the day because I really have to work right now. Thanks everyone and talk soon!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Birmingham, England
Posts: 58
Just wanted to say thank you for your posts - I too have posted about no contact today and the daily struggles I am going through (the roller coaster of my mind). It helps me to share and read that we are not alone, any of us xx
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Oh yeah - one more thing I NEED to do today is color my hair. My grays are really showing and I'm doing this for me!!!!!!!!!!! I want to look in the mirror finally after alot of years (I avoided mirrors because I didn't like what I became) and not see the gray and hopefully become my spunky self again. So shopping, color my hair and take the dog out for a walk. Those are the three things I have planned and everthing else can wait today. I hate those grays!!!!!!!! I'm still young, I can't have gray hair!!!!!! Gray hair if for people that are 90 not 44 lolol
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Mandjas - it helps me when i read and reply exactly how i'm feeling because this site reminds me that I am not alone and when people reply what they are feeling at that moment it makes it more justifiable that I feel the way I feel.
thank you!!!!!!
thank you!!!!!!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
norma, a request for honesty is a completely natural and valid one. very healthy too!
i took a lot of what an exalcoholic bf did personal, but my conclusion has been that i cannot give what i dont have. and others cant give what they dont have either.
so if he has not talked to you, it says nothing about you. perhaps he cannot be honest with you, because he cannot be honest with himself either.
truth hurts but it hurts way more to be stuck in confusion. if honesty is important to you, you will feel better around those who value it as well. it is vital for me now in friendships and romance.
kudos to you for knowing what you need and asking for it. if he is honest or not is his problem, not yours. if he is not a honest person then even if it hurts now, in the long run you are better off without him in the radar. life is stressful as it is to add more to it walking on eggshells never knowing what to expect from a partner.
stay strong and keep moving forward. everytime i broke no contact i found pain.. its not worth it.
i took a lot of what an exalcoholic bf did personal, but my conclusion has been that i cannot give what i dont have. and others cant give what they dont have either.
so if he has not talked to you, it says nothing about you. perhaps he cannot be honest with you, because he cannot be honest with himself either.
truth hurts but it hurts way more to be stuck in confusion. if honesty is important to you, you will feel better around those who value it as well. it is vital for me now in friendships and romance.
kudos to you for knowing what you need and asking for it. if he is honest or not is his problem, not yours. if he is not a honest person then even if it hurts now, in the long run you are better off without him in the radar. life is stressful as it is to add more to it walking on eggshells never knowing what to expect from a partner.
stay strong and keep moving forward. everytime i broke no contact i found pain.. its not worth it.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Staying in contact with an addicted EX is just like any other habit that needs to be kicked to the curb, right? At least that's the way I approached it. Whever I've had success at quitting something it's always been because I replaced the behavior with a healtheri option. I can't go cold turkey on ANYTHING!
I quit smoking by take up lollipops, then I added other healthier options like carrot sticks and the like. I still get the urge to smoke even 2 1/2 years later, but I can manage those tough times with a juicy Blow Pop or a crunchy snack like popcorn.
When I had to cut down on my fast food intake, I actually changed my driving route into town to keep from passing all the drive thrus. Some days, I still go the long way around to stay on a healthy diety.
So...when I went no contact entirely I had to have a plan on how to replace the urge to call or text him. I got on my treadmill, walked the dogs, or I read some great blogs online.
Replacing the behavior with something healthier works for me every time.
Hang in there because it gets easier as you go!!
Alice
I quit smoking by take up lollipops, then I added other healthier options like carrot sticks and the like. I still get the urge to smoke even 2 1/2 years later, but I can manage those tough times with a juicy Blow Pop or a crunchy snack like popcorn.
When I had to cut down on my fast food intake, I actually changed my driving route into town to keep from passing all the drive thrus. Some days, I still go the long way around to stay on a healthy diety.
So...when I went no contact entirely I had to have a plan on how to replace the urge to call or text him. I got on my treadmill, walked the dogs, or I read some great blogs online.
Replacing the behavior with something healthier works for me every time.
Hang in there because it gets easier as you go!!
Alice
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
veryregretful - It must be so much harder when you have to try to help your kids with their disappointment as well!!
Today, I am going to work and am going to not even try to think about what I'd love to text him about how I feel because frankly he doesn't care
I've just found this site and I'm finding it so helpful. There's no one in my family or friends who is with an active alcoholic, so I can't talk to them about it...I just get judgement!
I have also been guilty of checking his phone but I started doing that because I heard him on the phone to his ex two years ago talking about sex etc etc and I told him to cease contact with her. Did he? Of course not! One month ago I found her number saved under a man's name in his phone with an outgoing text to her that said "best action I've ever had" How many warning signs and flashing neon lights have I needed to tell me to get out of this!!! He now deletes all of his mobile history. His ex is also an alcoholic, perhaps they would be happy together in their out of reality life!
Today, I am going to work and am going to not even try to think about what I'd love to text him about how I feel because frankly he doesn't care
I've just found this site and I'm finding it so helpful. There's no one in my family or friends who is with an active alcoholic, so I can't talk to them about it...I just get judgement!
I have also been guilty of checking his phone but I started doing that because I heard him on the phone to his ex two years ago talking about sex etc etc and I told him to cease contact with her. Did he? Of course not! One month ago I found her number saved under a man's name in his phone with an outgoing text to her that said "best action I've ever had" How many warning signs and flashing neon lights have I needed to tell me to get out of this!!! He now deletes all of his mobile history. His ex is also an alcoholic, perhaps they would be happy together in their out of reality life!
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Taking Charge - Thank you
I don't think it's wrong to ask for honesty and he's always made me feel like it is wrong for me to ask that.
He also never admits to his lying, even when I catch him out in the biggest lies ever and have all sorts of proof!
Thank you, your post is great and the song is also great!
My relationship priorities certainly have changed since before I was with him. If I ever had another relationship I'd be looking for honesty, NO ADDICTIONS, a man with a job and a man would would like to sit down and talk to me about how I feel and CARE about how I feel. Although it wouldn't be for a looooooong time.
I don't think it's wrong to ask for honesty and he's always made me feel like it is wrong for me to ask that.
He also never admits to his lying, even when I catch him out in the biggest lies ever and have all sorts of proof!
Thank you, your post is great and the song is also great!
My relationship priorities certainly have changed since before I was with him. If I ever had another relationship I'd be looking for honesty, NO ADDICTIONS, a man with a job and a man would would like to sit down and talk to me about how I feel and CARE about how I feel. Although it wouldn't be for a looooooong time.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Its the Twilight zone. And its good we don't get it, otherwise we would be in their world too and that would be really sad 
Wouldn't it be funny if everytime they Denied Reality the Twilight zone theme started playing??
Well after moving on from this it will be your choice if you want a new relationship... its great to know what you want now, my priorities changed too and 'magically' someone nice came to my life.
Its not all roses but after an alcoholic and the madness everyone else look like angels, any disagreement is just temporary... we wonder often here how we are afraid of moving on or without the diseased ppl in our lives, when in reality we already went to hell and back.
HUGS!!
Wouldn't it be funny if everytime they Denied Reality the Twilight zone theme started playing??
Well after moving on from this it will be your choice if you want a new relationship... its great to know what you want now, my priorities changed too and 'magically' someone nice came to my life.
Its not all roses but after an alcoholic and the madness everyone else look like angels, any disagreement is just temporary... we wonder often here how we are afraid of moving on or without the diseased ppl in our lives, when in reality we already went to hell and back.
HUGS!!
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Hi Norma
It is very difficult to help with the kids disappointment. My AH was supposed to take my son to dinner tonight but cancelled. My son wasn't sure he wanted to go anyway. I found an Alateen meeting at the same time and place as an alanon meeting. We talked about going and the said yes. Also, I contacted their guidance counciler at school and told them what's going on and they are going to let the kids know they are available to talk if they need to.
I broke my vow for no contact today. It's no big deal though because my mind is still adamant on him not coming home until/if he quits drinking and gets help. He said he didn't feel well (probably hung over) so I just texted him asking if he had the flu and hoped he felt better. That was it. I don't feel any different than I did earlier today. It was stupid to text because he's going to think he has control but I'm standing firm. Tomorrow I vow not to text him. I'll start over at day 1 again.
If the kids go to dinner with him this week I'll explain to them that he might not recover and to try to keep the talk away from his alcoholism. That would only feed into him.
The kids do seem happier and there is definately less tension here in the house. Each day does seem to get better a little. It still stinks.
I did go food shopping and made supper. I didn't color my hair or take the dog for a walk. Tomorrow is another day. But it's all good. Kids are taken care of and house is taken care of. Now I have something planned for tomorrow.
I would like a relationship in the future. I would pretty much like the same thing. No addictions, have a steady job, above the table, likes to spend time with me and think that I am beautiful and wants to spend time with me. Also, do not want a lier. I want someone I can trust. That's in the future. Not thinking about that now. I need to worry about the kids first.
I love this site!!! I can state my feeling as I fell them and get great feedback and love reading other posts. I'm getting off computer now. I am very sleepy and have to get up at 3:30am for work. The only thing about those hours is I feel very guilty about going to bed early and leaving the kids while they are still up. The don't need their mom around but i still feel guilty. I know I shouldn't but I do. So I'll catch up with you all tomorrow and have a good night. Hopefully tonight I sleep well as I feel calm so I may just sleep till 3:30am.
Good night and hopefully tomorrow will be better than today!
It is very difficult to help with the kids disappointment. My AH was supposed to take my son to dinner tonight but cancelled. My son wasn't sure he wanted to go anyway. I found an Alateen meeting at the same time and place as an alanon meeting. We talked about going and the said yes. Also, I contacted their guidance counciler at school and told them what's going on and they are going to let the kids know they are available to talk if they need to.
I broke my vow for no contact today. It's no big deal though because my mind is still adamant on him not coming home until/if he quits drinking and gets help. He said he didn't feel well (probably hung over) so I just texted him asking if he had the flu and hoped he felt better. That was it. I don't feel any different than I did earlier today. It was stupid to text because he's going to think he has control but I'm standing firm. Tomorrow I vow not to text him. I'll start over at day 1 again.
If the kids go to dinner with him this week I'll explain to them that he might not recover and to try to keep the talk away from his alcoholism. That would only feed into him.
The kids do seem happier and there is definately less tension here in the house. Each day does seem to get better a little. It still stinks.
I did go food shopping and made supper. I didn't color my hair or take the dog for a walk.
Tomorrow is another day. But it's all good. Kids are taken care of and house is taken care of. Now I have something planned for tomorrow. I would like a relationship in the future. I would pretty much like the same thing. No addictions, have a steady job, above the table, likes to spend time with me and think that I am beautiful and wants to spend time with me. Also, do not want a lier. I want someone I can trust. That's in the future. Not thinking about that now. I need to worry about the kids first.
I love this site!!! I can state my feeling as I fell them and get great feedback and love reading other posts. I'm getting off computer now. I am very sleepy and have to get up at 3:30am for work. The only thing about those hours is I feel very guilty about going to bed early and leaving the kids while they are still up. The don't need their mom around but i still feel guilty. I know I shouldn't but I do. So I'll catch up with you all tomorrow and have a good night. Hopefully tonight I sleep well as I feel calm so I may just sleep till 3:30am.
Good night and hopefully tomorrow will be better than today!
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
How are you going veryregretful?
I had a bad day, not on my part though.
He was conveniently at the shops near the place where I work and he "bumped" into me. I'm still so angry, I can barely look at him, let alone talk to him.
He thinks my issue is about the money....NO, IDIOT....IT'S ABOUT YOU LYING TO MY FACE ALL THE TIME. YOU LOOKING ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AND LYING TO ME. THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT EINSTEIN!! GET OUT YOUR BOTTOM AND GET A JOB IF YOU WANT TO DRINK ALL DAY EVERYDAY. It's like he thinks money grows in beer cans or something.
Anyway....sorry.....vented a little there.
Hope you had a better day!
I had a bad day, not on my part though.
He was conveniently at the shops near the place where I work and he "bumped" into me. I'm still so angry, I can barely look at him, let alone talk to him.
He thinks my issue is about the money....NO, IDIOT....IT'S ABOUT YOU LYING TO MY FACE ALL THE TIME. YOU LOOKING ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AND LYING TO ME. THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT EINSTEIN!! GET OUT YOUR BOTTOM AND GET A JOB IF YOU WANT TO DRINK ALL DAY EVERYDAY. It's like he thinks money grows in beer cans or something.
Anyway....sorry.....vented a little there.
Hope you had a better day!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Hi Norma,
I'm doing as well as I think can be expected during this time of my life.
My AH blew off my son Monday cuz my AH didn't feel good. and last night because my son really didn't want to go out but he agreed to having subs with his dad. I took my daughter to the movies so they would be by themselves. It's a miracle in itself that me and my daughter went to the movies with just us too!! It made me very happy!!!! My AH didn't even text him to say he wasn't coming. I spoke with him yesterday (I broke the NC rule, but not really because it had to do with the son not me so I don't think I really broke it) and he was upset that his son was angry. Well duhhhhh!!!!!!! You did this to him. He is still the poor me and angry at me, etc. Nothings changed with him. He is still drinking and with his thought process he can have a couple beers during football games and not be around us to give us verbal abuse. I don't think so. I'm so heartbroken for my children I don't know what to do. I'm going to bring them to Alateen next Tuesday. I didn't go yesterday because he was supposed to have dinner with his dad. Tuesday definately we are going. I think they both need to understand more than what I can explain and maybe they will learn that the feelings they have are okay.
I don't know if you read my other post but he kept calling me Saturday night till about 2:00am yelling and telling me that I was sleeping with his brother and why was his jeep here at certain times. I spoke back calmly. I know I should not have answered the calls and he probably doesn't remember them anyways. But ever since that night I realize I did make a good decision. It just reinforced it.
He is supposed to be taking my daughter to dinner tonight and she is really looking forwrard to it. Yesterday I did tell my AH that she was looking forward to it. I have to explain to her though he may not show up. I just don't like being the bearer of disappointment. He better show up.
Where he is staying he's not going to be able to stay much longer. He's not coming home unless he is sober and getting help. My kids were texting each other last night (at least they are communicating lol) just a few but the gist was he was asking her how she felt and she said she was sad. he said he was angry. the last text i read was my daughter asking him if dad was sober would you still want him home. I guess I was prying as I was plugging in his phone to charge it. The earlier texts from his dad to him were basically my son saying he was angry and my AH saying he wanted to go to dinner (get together) to talk about things and not hold the anger inside.
Other than these other things going on I have alot of bad times still and each day it does get better and better, I think. I can't wait to read a few more chapters of the book codependent no more which I definately am.
Anyways, Keep in touch Norma!! I'm have to go to break right now but will check in after break to see any responses.
Hugs and kisses to you!!!!!!
I'm doing as well as I think can be expected during this time of my life.
My AH blew off my son Monday cuz my AH didn't feel good. and last night because my son really didn't want to go out but he agreed to having subs with his dad. I took my daughter to the movies so they would be by themselves. It's a miracle in itself that me and my daughter went to the movies with just us too!! It made me very happy!!!! My AH didn't even text him to say he wasn't coming. I spoke with him yesterday (I broke the NC rule, but not really because it had to do with the son not me so I don't think I really broke it) and he was upset that his son was angry. Well duhhhhh!!!!!!! You did this to him. He is still the poor me and angry at me, etc. Nothings changed with him. He is still drinking and with his thought process he can have a couple beers during football games and not be around us to give us verbal abuse. I don't think so. I'm so heartbroken for my children I don't know what to do. I'm going to bring them to Alateen next Tuesday. I didn't go yesterday because he was supposed to have dinner with his dad. Tuesday definately we are going. I think they both need to understand more than what I can explain and maybe they will learn that the feelings they have are okay.
I don't know if you read my other post but he kept calling me Saturday night till about 2:00am yelling and telling me that I was sleeping with his brother and why was his jeep here at certain times. I spoke back calmly. I know I should not have answered the calls and he probably doesn't remember them anyways. But ever since that night I realize I did make a good decision. It just reinforced it.
He is supposed to be taking my daughter to dinner tonight and she is really looking forwrard to it. Yesterday I did tell my AH that she was looking forward to it. I have to explain to her though he may not show up. I just don't like being the bearer of disappointment. He better show up.
Where he is staying he's not going to be able to stay much longer. He's not coming home unless he is sober and getting help. My kids were texting each other last night (at least they are communicating lol) just a few but the gist was he was asking her how she felt and she said she was sad. he said he was angry. the last text i read was my daughter asking him if dad was sober would you still want him home. I guess I was prying as I was plugging in his phone to charge it. The earlier texts from his dad to him were basically my son saying he was angry and my AH saying he wanted to go to dinner (get together) to talk about things and not hold the anger inside.
Other than these other things going on I have alot of bad times still and each day it does get better and better, I think. I can't wait to read a few more chapters of the book codependent no more which I definately am.
Anyways, Keep in touch Norma!! I'm have to go to break right now but will check in after break to see any responses.
Hugs and kisses to you!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Oh yeah, I forgot. Still haven't colored the grays yet. Hopefully today I'll be able to do it. I know that will make me feel better. I hate those grays. I can't imagine what my hair would look like if it didn't have color in it still.
With what's going on, he wanted me to hang out with by the fire last saturday night and he was going to have a few drinks. I wasn't going to go so on one of the phone calls he was yelling about how I didn't let him know I wasn't going over.
I have to remember it's his choice and I think the anger maybe coming out now. I can feel it a little. Not much but a little. I think I need the anger part. I'm too nicey, nicey.
There was one more thing I wanted to mention but can't remember now. When I do I'll post it or PM you Norma. take care!
With what's going on, he wanted me to hang out with by the fire last saturday night and he was going to have a few drinks. I wasn't going to go so on one of the phone calls he was yelling about how I didn't let him know I wasn't going over.
I have to remember it's his choice and I think the anger maybe coming out now. I can feel it a little. Not much but a little. I think I need the anger part. I'm too nicey, nicey.
There was one more thing I wanted to mention but can't remember now. When I do I'll post it or PM you Norma. take care!
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