tigger11

I'm so tired. I can't seem to make myself go to bed at night, and when I do, AH gets up in the night from his tiny room across the hallway, and since I'm sleeping so lightly, I hear him and wake up. Then I wake up early in the morning. At my 3rd alanon mtg this morning, it was so good, and I could barely keep my body sitting up, and my head kept feeling so heavy and I'd put my head on my arms on the table.

That's number one problem.

Number two problem is that I was reading on one of the posts about what the alcoholic feels, and someone suggested going to one of the AA posts. Which I did. Started wishing AH would get to that place so he could start clearing/cleaning/healing. But I KNOW that's not going to happen, and I can't set myself up for disappointment by even entertaining the thought. Then I started feeling sorry for him if he should start his recovery program. I need to stop this NOW.

His M.O. is to marry, find fault, leave, and never EVER be in touch again. He's done it twice, and he'll do it with me.

Self talk:
1) Let go.
2) God, please take this worry and this burden away. And help me to sleep tonight, full and restful.

Thanks for listening/reading.

Love you guys!
Tig

Still Waters

It's vitally important for you to take care of YOU. That means eating right, and getting enough rest.

You could speak to your primary doctor, to get some help with sleeping for a little bit if you think that would help. I know where you're at, I was there too. It made it all that much harder because I was exhausted all the time.

intheknow

Agree! I spoke with my doctor, and she recommended Ambien.

Ambien works for me, and I am in control. I take it when I need it, don't take it when I don't need it.

Someone else here recommended Sleepytime tea. I have not tried it yet, but understand it works well.

And the other thing I did was make my bed really comfortable. I went and got one of those really fluffy mattress pads - I feel like I am sleeping on a pillow. It is warm and comforting and I do not want to get out of my bed. I am always anxious to slip in the comfort at night too, and it is really helping.

I hope you find what works for you!

veryregretful

My AH has been gone for over 2 weeks now. I'm emotionally and phsyically exhausted. I'm on Zoloft and have been for about a year and I was prescribed ambian to sleep. It helped me sleep but I would always wake up a few times in the night not being able to sleep because of the anxiousness I experience. I'm also prescribed Klonopin for my anxiety. I only take the klonopin at night so when i do wake up i can go back to sleep quickly. When I wake up at night I have tons of anxiety and can't fall back to sleep. The klonopin helps me. I don't take any during the day, just at night to help me sleep better. I was prescribed these meds because of my AH was of course drinking and I feel this is just situational depression and anxiety. I've never been depressed or anxious until the last few years.

Eating is very important. I'm finally eating now after 2 1/2 weeks. I lost like 14 pounds which I could stand to lose but not the way I did. Not eating made me very exhausted also. I'm still not eating the best but I am putting something in my belly. I actually bought donuts for the kids and thier friends and a jelly donut is screaming to me to eat it. lol and I'm going to enjoy every bit of it. Not very healthy but at least it's food. I'm also starting to take a multi vitamin because of my diet is not very healthy.

Like Mallane said - make your bed comfy so you want to be there. I already had the nice mattress pad so my mom gave me a nice comforter that's really warm and cozy. I don't mind sleeping in my bed and usually I can go back to sleep. I just can't sleep in the AM. I'm up early but don't want to be so I just get up and go on the computer.

Good luck and take care of yourself!

Pelican

Good morning tigger!

I hope you were able to get some sleep last night. It is important to give our bodies rest on a regular basis.

Recovering alcoholics have to be alert for triggers that can result in picking back up a drink. The signs are HALT
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

When I am experiencing one of those moods, I need to be alert that I am at risk of falling into old behavior and picking up a drink to cope. I have also found that as a recovering co-dependent of an alcoholic - I need to be alert to those same moods so that I don't go back into old codie behaviors.

When I'm tired, I just want everyone to do what I want, when I want it done. Therefore, I may over react and/or react without being mindful of what is healthiest for myself and others.

In recovering from alcoholism, I did use the chamomile teas to help me relax at night and sleep. I even made the relaxation teas into iced tea pitchers to drink all evening.

Another thing that has helped me de-stress and sleep through the night is to get out and power walk. I still find this extremely helpful to get out and pound the pavement. I am stepping away from phones, computers, noise and getting outdoors and finally getting my heart rate up for a healthy cause!

Take care of YOU!

tigger11

I've been on Lexipro for years, so don't need SSRI. I hate taking meds of any kind. Just the way I've been for my whole life. I'm taking lots of good vitamins including B complex which is a mood stabilizer. I have a comfy bed, one of those Swedish memory foam mattresses. I eat horribly... always have. Hate to cook. Steady diet of beans and hot dogs y'day. I don't even like hot dogs, but they were in the freezer and they're easy. Thank goodness for a decent cafeteria at work where I try hard to have at least one fruit and veggie a day.

Got a broken, but almost decent nights' sleep last night. Perhaps my sleep med is to post on SR before bed complaining about not being able to sleep.

Here's the weird thing. AH has been staying/sleeping in his tiny room with the door firmly shut. In there are a futon and his computers and most of his "stuff". He's only been coming out for necessities. Last night, sometime in the middle of the night, he slipped into my bed. For once, I hadn't woken up when he was wandering around in the house. I was disoriented. Asked him if he was okay. Touched his hand, then remembered the internet dating website, and jerked away. Fell asleep, slept great. Poop. Feel like a heel. Woke up with a stuffed head and feeling disoriented and weird, almost drugged. Having coffee now.

What's he doing? Is this another ploy? It's not going to work. No matter if he starts being semi-normal again. I don't want - NAY, CAN'T HAVE - toxic, poisonous alcoholic behavior in my life. He needs to leave. Ugh.

This really is the BEST place for talking things through. Sigh - breathing confusion out, peace in. Your loving support is getting me through this.

transformyself

Oh boy. Slipped into your bed huh? Did you say anything to him? Draw a line for yourself and him?

when I don't draw boundaries quickly FOR ME I end up an snuggly with him, sleeping iwth him, getting those googley feelings.

Which leads me down a path I no longer want to walk. I never ends well for me, unless you call crying on the floor acceptable. Or desirable.

Can't you get out of there? Why do you have to stay there?

tigger11

Thanks, Transform. No, I can't leave. It's my house, he moved here from the East coast 2 years ago. And he's leaving soon.

He didn't want anything from me that he communicated to me. Just slept there.

Thanks again!

intheknow

Must've been the moon. RAH came over when he got off work for dinner and to see our daughter who was home for the weekend. He was very tired and told me he was just going to go downstairs to my bed. I told him to go ahead...I would just go to his house because I didn't want to sleep in the same bed with him.

Tig, it will get better. I have always had trouble sleeping, and the first night he was in rehab I slept ok. The second night I found this wonderful place, posted everything in my heart before I went to bed and slept like I haven't slept in a long time.

I have noticed when he is around more, or when something about him is bothering me I want to eat crap that I know I shouldn't, and I sleep like crap.

tigger11

Thanks Mellane.

I just can't wait until he leaves. He's being sort of nice to me today... well at least talking. I could do without it. But I set boundaries. No arguing and no accusations, or the conversation's done. And when the accusations started, I politely excused myself.

I did something today that I'm not sure I should have done. Earlier today, I found his x-wife online and contacted her. The sweet woman took my call, and we compared notes. He had lied to her and practiced alcoholism in exactly the same ways he's done with me. No big surprise. It actually makes me feel a little better, although sorry for her. She's not done some of the healthy things I'm starting to do.

At first he said he was leaving this weekend. Then mid week last week. Now it's next weekend. I wanted him to leave the easy way... him getting out without any encouragement from me. But he can't keep postponing the leaving. I'll need all the courage I get muster, and lots of prayers and thoughts in this direction from SR family if I have to tell him to leave.

NewChapter

Tigger--you have my prayers and thoughts and will have the courage you need when you need it. And anything else you need....you know how to reach me.

If you're goin' through he!!, keep on goin'!