One Hundred Days
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 204
One Hundred Days
One hundred days ago all I wanted was to die. There was no God... or so I preferred to think, better to believe that than believe he/she/it is out there, omnipotent all powerful-like and is as angry with me as I am with he/she/it.
I loved to drink. I haven't invested time in coming up with the words for just how much drinking meant to me, how much it was a part of me, so I'll just say it was much like a love affair. So much like one that I can be having a peachy day in recovery, find some reminder of my "ex" and almost go running back panicked at the thought of us never being together again. Quite serious about that. I found a souvenir from my trip to a certain brewery in Ireland and almost gave up three months of sobriety over the thought of never having another Guinness. Here is where what I have learned came in to save me; I only had to not want a Guiness that day. I asked myself, "Do I want one right now?" Not really. OK then. Don't worry about "never again", just stay in the now and how much better sobriety is today than it was three months ago. When the insanity passed I was able to see how silly my feelings were right then and know that I'm stronger.
I made this post for anyone not sure how to start or if it's worth it. I didn't want to stop drinking at first. I was just so miserable I was willing to give it a try. I've always been an "all-in" kinda girl, so when I say I was willing to try I mean that I was willing to do sobriety with my whole heart and mind, it would be a worthless experiment otherwise, right? Backing up a little here...I went into inpatient treatment for depression (of the "I wanna die", 72 hour hold variety). My roommate was an alcoholic who had just had a very impressive relapse and landed herself in the ER. She and I talked a lot and she helped me to consider the idea that I might be an alcoholic. I used this time to detox and got into outpatient treatment for alcoholism. I started telling counselors and doctors how much I drank and taking the help they offered.
After treatment I went to AA, and it's the best thing I have ever done for myself. There is a lot said about AA here and by all means make up your own mind, but do so based on your own first hand experience. I was so alone at the end of my drinking and in just a couple of months have some really wonderful friends thanks to AA. I mean real ones, the happy to see you, you can tell them anything, make everything you do together fun kind of friends. I used to get teary watching "Sex And The City" because I wanted cool girlfriends like that, or "Firefly" because I wanted comrades like that (yes, I am a dork) and I can honestly say I have both.
If you go the AA route, be fair and give it a honest chance. Remember they are just people people like you, not a professional organization. If one meeting sucks, go to another one. I went to different ones all over town, I considered it an adventure, hell, I'm unemployed, what else am I going to do? I went daily. This was huge for me, because I had become a hermit and AA meetings were the only time I left the house and braved the evil daystar at first. I went early and stayed late. That's how you get to know folks. I didn't know what to say, no worries, plenty of people in AA love to talk and will do it for you. This has all been said, over and over, guess what I am trying to add is that it has worked for me. It has worked for me in ways I could not have imagined in the beginning and so much faster that I thought it would. I've heard a lot of things from people that did not help, that I don't agree with, that really pissed me off so much I tried to use it as an excuse to give up and drink. Wise people told me to take what you can use and toss the rest. Good advice.
I hope this post comes off as what it is; me trying to pass on what has been given to me and to open up a little and share myself with all of you. I share what little I have with utmost humilty and know I have so much to learn. I thought I knew it all when I was drinking, and what a f***king depressing place that was, let me tell ya. Thank you to everyone on SR who has given of themselves, I've learned so much from you and have been remiss in saying so as I tend to lurk and not post very much.
Happy Halloween!
I loved to drink. I haven't invested time in coming up with the words for just how much drinking meant to me, how much it was a part of me, so I'll just say it was much like a love affair. So much like one that I can be having a peachy day in recovery, find some reminder of my "ex" and almost go running back panicked at the thought of us never being together again. Quite serious about that. I found a souvenir from my trip to a certain brewery in Ireland and almost gave up three months of sobriety over the thought of never having another Guinness. Here is where what I have learned came in to save me; I only had to not want a Guiness that day. I asked myself, "Do I want one right now?" Not really. OK then. Don't worry about "never again", just stay in the now and how much better sobriety is today than it was three months ago. When the insanity passed I was able to see how silly my feelings were right then and know that I'm stronger.
I made this post for anyone not sure how to start or if it's worth it. I didn't want to stop drinking at first. I was just so miserable I was willing to give it a try. I've always been an "all-in" kinda girl, so when I say I was willing to try I mean that I was willing to do sobriety with my whole heart and mind, it would be a worthless experiment otherwise, right? Backing up a little here...I went into inpatient treatment for depression (of the "I wanna die", 72 hour hold variety). My roommate was an alcoholic who had just had a very impressive relapse and landed herself in the ER. She and I talked a lot and she helped me to consider the idea that I might be an alcoholic. I used this time to detox and got into outpatient treatment for alcoholism. I started telling counselors and doctors how much I drank and taking the help they offered.
After treatment I went to AA, and it's the best thing I have ever done for myself. There is a lot said about AA here and by all means make up your own mind, but do so based on your own first hand experience. I was so alone at the end of my drinking and in just a couple of months have some really wonderful friends thanks to AA. I mean real ones, the happy to see you, you can tell them anything, make everything you do together fun kind of friends. I used to get teary watching "Sex And The City" because I wanted cool girlfriends like that, or "Firefly" because I wanted comrades like that (yes, I am a dork) and I can honestly say I have both.
If you go the AA route, be fair and give it a honest chance. Remember they are just people people like you, not a professional organization. If one meeting sucks, go to another one. I went to different ones all over town, I considered it an adventure, hell, I'm unemployed, what else am I going to do? I went daily. This was huge for me, because I had become a hermit and AA meetings were the only time I left the house and braved the evil daystar at first. I went early and stayed late. That's how you get to know folks. I didn't know what to say, no worries, plenty of people in AA love to talk and will do it for you. This has all been said, over and over, guess what I am trying to add is that it has worked for me. It has worked for me in ways I could not have imagined in the beginning and so much faster that I thought it would. I've heard a lot of things from people that did not help, that I don't agree with, that really pissed me off so much I tried to use it as an excuse to give up and drink. Wise people told me to take what you can use and toss the rest. Good advice.
I hope this post comes off as what it is; me trying to pass on what has been given to me and to open up a little and share myself with all of you. I share what little I have with utmost humilty and know I have so much to learn. I thought I knew it all when I was drinking, and what a f***king depressing place that was, let me tell ya. Thank you to everyone on SR who has given of themselves, I've learned so much from you and have been remiss in saying so as I tend to lurk and not post very much.
Happy Halloween!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: oceanside, ca.
Posts: 26
Thanks for your share Ninsuna.
I have been sober for 47 days. 100 sounds like forever to me. congrats to you.
I am a regular at AA also. My trigger is my alchoholic sadistic boss. His behavior made me want to drink. I sought revenge against him. I could not get this ******* off my mind. I went to a meeting. A lady suggested love and tolerance towards these people. That was a miracle statement for me. I was able to forgive and forget this guy. Love him and tolerate his behavior. This took his power away. He does not bother me. I bother him because I do not react. My behavior is driving him up the wall. I love it. Revenge without revenge, love it. Of course he is all verbal. I do stick the needle back at him, when he gives it, but I do not obsess about it afterwards. I only work hard enough to keep my job with this guy. He will not be an effective manager.
The first law of addiction states that if you pick up, you will end up where you left off. Cravings for the drug only last for 3 minutes, and decrease in frequency as time progresses. It takes only 3 days to metabolize any drug out of you system. I can not pick up. I can not handle being a practicing alchoholic. I will go through life with optimism, hope and courage. I will not pick up one day at a time. I hope that all is well with you. Best regards. Dan.
I have been sober for 47 days. 100 sounds like forever to me. congrats to you.
I am a regular at AA also. My trigger is my alchoholic sadistic boss. His behavior made me want to drink. I sought revenge against him. I could not get this ******* off my mind. I went to a meeting. A lady suggested love and tolerance towards these people. That was a miracle statement for me. I was able to forgive and forget this guy. Love him and tolerate his behavior. This took his power away. He does not bother me. I bother him because I do not react. My behavior is driving him up the wall. I love it. Revenge without revenge, love it. Of course he is all verbal. I do stick the needle back at him, when he gives it, but I do not obsess about it afterwards. I only work hard enough to keep my job with this guy. He will not be an effective manager.
The first law of addiction states that if you pick up, you will end up where you left off. Cravings for the drug only last for 3 minutes, and decrease in frequency as time progresses. It takes only 3 days to metabolize any drug out of you system. I can not pick up. I can not handle being a practicing alchoholic. I will go through life with optimism, hope and courage. I will not pick up one day at a time. I hope that all is well with you. Best regards. Dan.
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