Saliena

So here we are boys and girls... It is day 5 of this soberity walk. And, from last night it was almost day 0 again. I discovered the last few days that as I drive home... I start thinking about food/dinner/drinking. My husband and I have been wine dranks for a couple of years now. And, if we have a nice home cooked dinner we will normally share a bottle of wine or after dinner we will sit out by the fire pit and share an irish coffee. But, this week has been crazy and we haven't been able to do that.

Anyway, all of that to say last night... I wanted nothing more then to take a bug swallow of whiskey. And, for a number of years now... I would drink more then my husband. Behind his back... if he had a glass of wine... I had a glass and half... if he had two beers ... I would have two beers and a shot of tequila (that he wouldn't know about...). So, last night... I wanted that swallow so bad... I had the bottle in my hand... opened it... smelled it.. started to cry... and put the bottle back. LOL I am crying now just thinking about it.

I am so pissed at myself for getting to this point... that I feel this NEED for something that I know is slowly killing me... my relationship... my husbands faith in me.

I have over come so much in my life. I was a child raised in states custody... that came from a very broken home.. with a father who could not read or write and a mother who didn't understand the truest concepts of love. I went to college... I have a wonderful career... making more money then both of my parent combined in their lifetime. I lost 200 pounds from a gastric bypass. My mother passed away 4 years ago at the age of 47. I have helped raise my two wonderful younger brothers. 6 weeks ago I started working out... and am feeling great about that.

I guess I am pissed at myself. I feel like drinking was the one constant I had in my life. It is the one thing I gave so much power to. I have overcome so much.... I need to overcome this. But, it seems like it is going to be the hardest thing yet.

Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble.

This is gay pride weekend in Atlanta... and we will be down supporting our friends that we love dearly. It will be hard to not drink. But, I haven't come this far to give into failure.

least

Good for you for putting the bottle down! It does get easier, I promise, but it does take time and effort to get there. Just take it one day at a time and just don't drink for today. Do'nt worry about tomorrow until it becomes today.

You can do this!

Horselover

I can't say anything better then what Least just said. Here is another person confirming that the desire to drink will lessen and you will have found yourself thinking about more important matters. Don't be too hard on yourself about having such a strong desire right now. Do note that the desire or urge eventually passed and YOU GOT THROUGH IT!!!! Kudos to you.

Here's something to take your mind off it for a moment if not longer. I start EVERY day listening to this song and my life is soooooo much better. Hope it does the same for you.

YouTube - THE FAMOUS OPRAH VIDEO I GOT A FEELING BLACK EYED PEAS

coffeenut

Don't be pissed at yourself....you put the bottle down!

One moment at a time. Welcome to SR.

Gypsy Feet

It does get easier!! I think that feeling of being pissed at myself is what got me through initially (and the folks at SR of course!!). I wanted to beat alcohol, this is MY life and belongs to no one/nothing else. I think I was about 2 months without a drink when I stopped needing that anger, and could start learning about this new, sober way of living. Now what I mostly use to get by is gratitude, which I find more pleasant than the anger=) One day at a time, I'm glad you are still here.