Guess who called me????
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 105
Guess who called me????
Today at work I received a call from a woman who said she was "my neighbor". I picked it up and she said, "You don't know me, but it was done to me so I am calling you. Your husband is messing around with someone in your office. If you're smart, you'll follow him next Tuesday." WHAT???
To review, my AH of 27 yrs told me in August that "we're done" after going thru the motions of couples' counseling for a few months. There have been rumors among the staff of his office (I work there too UGH) that he and one of the 30-somethings had something going. I never pursued it because my atty said it's iffy, judges don't really care unless he's using family money on her, etc. But I called my atty today and we're having an investigator follow him/them on Tuesday. Very weird. I had to give him descriptions of them, addresses, car license plates, etc.
My atty also just found out that we owe $38,000 in unpaid taxes to the IRS---so any leverage we can gain thru this girlfriend could help me with child support, maintenance, etc. Never thought I'd be involved in something like this, but I've learned that alcoholics are not rational or predictable, so I'm having to see things and think in a new way. Not at all the way I'm wired, but I'm learning FAST! So happy I have a good attorney (my husband is one, and told me I didn't need to hire one for myself....right!).
I'm sure these behaviors are nothing new to some of you here....but what a wild ride this has been. It's actually helping me accept this divorce. Every time he does/says something stupid, dishonest, childish, I silently say "thank you."
To review, my AH of 27 yrs told me in August that "we're done" after going thru the motions of couples' counseling for a few months. There have been rumors among the staff of his office (I work there too UGH) that he and one of the 30-somethings had something going. I never pursued it because my atty said it's iffy, judges don't really care unless he's using family money on her, etc. But I called my atty today and we're having an investigator follow him/them on Tuesday. Very weird. I had to give him descriptions of them, addresses, car license plates, etc.
My atty also just found out that we owe $38,000 in unpaid taxes to the IRS---so any leverage we can gain thru this girlfriend could help me with child support, maintenance, etc. Never thought I'd be involved in something like this, but I've learned that alcoholics are not rational or predictable, so I'm having to see things and think in a new way. Not at all the way I'm wired, but I'm learning FAST! So happy I have a good attorney (my husband is one, and told me I didn't need to hire one for myself....right!).
I'm sure these behaviors are nothing new to some of you here....but what a wild ride this has been. It's actually helping me accept this divorce. Every time he does/says something stupid, dishonest, childish, I silently say "thank you."
Only stepping forward
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
I used to take a lot of xabf's actions as being his way of putting me through a guilt trip to get me to feel sorry for him and to stay.
Now I see them almost like reassurances that leaving was the right thing to do.
I hear you loud and clear on your silent "thank you's"
Now I see them almost like reassurances that leaving was the right thing to do.
I hear you loud and clear on your silent "thank you's"
My STBXAH tried to push my buttons to manipulate me into doing and being what he wanted. And yes, they eventually served as reminders to get out and worked in totally the opposite way he wanted them too. I did the silent thank you every time too!
The more detached I got, the more aware I became, the more outrageous his behaviour was and the more motivated I became to leave. I believe his actions in the last year of our marriage killed any last vestiges of love I had for him. I don't hate him - I'm still angry about a lot of it - but I'm not pining over him. My year of hell was a gift, not that I saw it like that at the time of course!
Not only am I now accepting of the divorce, I can't wait for the paperwork to be finally processed and be free!!
The more detached I got, the more aware I became, the more outrageous his behaviour was and the more motivated I became to leave. I believe his actions in the last year of our marriage killed any last vestiges of love I had for him. I don't hate him - I'm still angry about a lot of it - but I'm not pining over him. My year of hell was a gift, not that I saw it like that at the time of course!
Not only am I now accepting of the divorce, I can't wait for the paperwork to be finally processed and be free!!
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