baldjim

life has given me a doube wammy kick in the er lap

in the past i have just stayed drunk untill i have felt better ,when my daughter died probably for 5 years,when my brother died and my cousin who was also my best friend died probably 3 years

i'm sober for very nearly five months and although i'm giving misery a bad name right at this minute,break up with partner after 13 years and other sad things happening with my daughter

this time i wont lay down i'm gona fight back i refuse to wallow in misery what can i do to stop this

i have joined a gym (though i'm not going much but will do every night after tonight)

one of the problems i have is i'm a joker and i usually joke and goof around all the time ,i just dont feel like it ,so every time i see some one they say stuff like "come on cheer up this is not like you to be grumpy tell a joke have a drink etc" which makes me feel worse

any other great ideas to stop myself from slipping into the nearest black hole

bookwyrm

Exercise is good - releases a lot of endorphins and gives you a natural lift!

Work the steps - they really help me. Apply them to other areas of your life as appropriate.

Another thing I do when things start to get on top of me is write a gratitude list and journal, journal, journal.

Go to your GP and let them know how you're feeling and what's been going on in your life recently. They can refer you to a counsellor - mine has been wonderful! I'm also on anti depressants which has helped me stay sane and motivated to get out of bed in the morning. But maybe you're not at that stage yet.

I've been dipping into 'Feeling Good: the new Mood Therapy' by David Burns which I really need to get back into. It too has lots of helpful ideas on how to get yourself out of depression.

But maybe, just maybe, you need to feel your emotions. Allow yourself to feel - it is only natural! Make sure you have some sort of support - I find SR good and have a couple of close friends I can talk to. Just remember that this too will pass. Be kind to yourself.
:ghug3

Still Waters

Congratulations Jim, on 5 months of freedom

I think we share (alcoholics and codies) the tendency to obsess and stew. It's not healthy. I have to consciously force those thoughts OUT of my head. Over and over sometimes. You know what you need to do for your recovery, don't obsess over what others see or think, you'll smile and joke when you're ready to.

Maybe change the subject, or just smile and say see ya later.

Remember, it takes time.

MissFixit

Hey there!

This is what has helped me.

1. Distance myself from anyone who causes me to feel bad about me. They might not intend to do it, but if someone's words or actions cause me distress, then I just give them space. No conversation about it, and I am polite, but keep a distance until whatever it is subsides.

2. Therapy

3. Talking with old friends

4. Fluff/fun activities: moveis, ice cream...the kind of wholesome stuff that you enjoyed as a kid.

5. Excersise outdoors: walk, hike, bike, run

6. Read a book outside. The feeling of being in nature really helps me to appeciate things like the sky, birds, trees, etc...this helps me put my issues into perspective.

7. Volunteering to help others. This also helps me to take my mind off myself.

Hugs to you.

trapeze

I put myself on the clock whenever I want to wallow. I put all my effort into feeling whatever I'm trying not to feel for say, an hour. Usually I cry, but that's just me. I find that when I just dive into it with all my being, I want to climb out of it and find something else to do.

baldjim

just taken my daughter to the Army base she was arrested and will now go to prison

to see my girl go off with two hulking armed guards ,se looked like a frightened rabbit she is just 19 and has mental health problems

it was most upsetting

i just feel numb right now

i'd like to drink till i pass out but i wont

jeeze i hope she is ok

naive

you know yourself, jim, there is not one problem that alcohol will make better.

if you are struggling, can you call your sponsor or someone in your local group?

one day at a time.
naive

wanting

Jim, I'm so sorry. That has to be the hardest thing in the world. Hugs to you and your daughter.

transformyself

Dude, you're way stronger than most of the people I know. That list is brutal.

Good news: you've made it this far AND you're freaking sober. You are a walking miracle.

Does your daughter have an attorney? She may need one to get those b******s to understand her situation.

TakingCharge999

Hi baldjim. Have you thought about writing a book? You could be an inspiration to others. You are certainly an inspiration to me.

Recently I got in touch with a pet shelter and I am adopting a kitty. They said they did not have a way to show the animals in Internet and I am offering to place a webpage and take pictures, etc. This little project takes my mind off things that hurt and gives me purpose. Volunteering rules. To see that you make a difference for a human or an animal is the best feeling. If you got the chance to join any NGO, sponsor a kid with no opportunities, support a cause (CARE.org) or build houses for free...

Remember you will see all your loved ones again. This is a temporary separation only, they are all watching over your shoulder and would like you to find peace and joy. At least that is what I believe.

HUGS!

baldjim

things would be so much easier if i had faith i went to church for two years but it never happened for me

Seren

Hey Jim,

I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear about your daughter. How much time will she have to spend in the military lockup? She is an adult, so you probably don't have access to much information, but you may be able to inquire if she will be receiving treatment while serving.

I have really enjoyed reading your posts, Jim. I know you can do this!!!

Hugs, HG

Dee74

Jimbo
you know drinking won't help you or your daughter.

Stay strong, mate
D

baldjim

thanks all i woke up this morning after a bad nights sleep my first thoughts are of my daughter locked up in a cell,are they shouting at her ,are they screaming abuse like you see on tv ?she said they treat people who go awol terribly she has seen other awols being smoked like this before

my chest is very tight i can hardly breath but i will not drink ,i will go to the gym i will find stuff to do ,i will walk in the woods ,i will not drink ,i'm no use to any one if i'm drunk and ill

if i try hard enough i'm sure i can pull through

it is tough but i'm used to tough times

now i'm sober i can face these challenges head on not hide like a coward in a bottle

thanks for the pm's guys they mean a lot

endzoner

Sorry bout lifes downers.. Bald .. seems when we get sober that everything is sposed to be fine as frog hairs ,, but fact of the matter is , we just learn to deal with things and accept what we can and can not change .
Someone In a meeting once said .. We can start the day over at any point , its up to us to change how we feel , kinda makes you think .. Its up to us , sure bad things happen to good people , but we dont gotta drink over um its not gonna help anyone esp ourselfs .
You mentioned church but it just dont work for you , Im just like that .. How ever you also mentioned walkin in the woods .. see for me that IS CHURCH ... its where i feel closest to mother earth and Ill find a stump have a seat and just talk , I dont care whos listening if it makes me feel better . thats ALL that matters .. just my 2 cents on that .. cant hurt to try .. hope you have a better day Baldjim
BTW .... Bald is beautiful always been a fan but i wont let my hubbie do it .. it dont work well for him lol .. Huggles Endzy

MissFixit

Letter writing is also really helpful to reduce anxiety for me. Getting the words out and on paper releases them a bit inside of me.

Hugs to you!

baldjim

thank you walking in the woods is really the best thing watching the birds ,squirrels and other animals just getting on with life just feeding themselves and looking after their young not worrying about nothing else ..the way life should be

thanks trouble is i'm dyslexic most of the time without the spell checker even i have no idea what i've written

Bernadette

Hi Jim--
As my father used to say (after many years of sobriety) There's no horrible problem that a drink won't make WORSE!

In AlAnon I learned some things about letting go and letting my brothers, whom I love so much, face their own consequences. It was very hard at first, but I found that with time and practice I could turn my focus back to my own problems and it didn't make me a bad person, it also didn't have any effect on the suffering of my brothers.

Whether I freaked out and worried and lost sleep, or whether I took a walk, kept myself busy with positive things and positive thoughts, it never made a damn bit of difference to how things turned out for my bros. Freaking out & focusing on their troubles sure could make me sick and crazy though.... so I had to let it go.

I was raised Catholic but I am not a religious person - however I have found it helpful to kind of offer up whatever is troubling me about other people to the Universe. I even say it out loud -- "I trust the Universe will show my brothers just what it is they need in this moment, and I now release their problems from my mind, it is between them and the Universe."

And I do say the occasional rosary. The repetition and the focus on something larger than me helps me to release any fantasy of control I may be having - and I have found that control is usually at the heart of most of my fears...Going to shrines helps me too - I especially like shrines to Mary - as she can be my stand-in for the compassionate mother I always wish I had I light a candle...a little beacon of light and hope in the darkness for my brothers and then I can walk away feeling less burdened by those things I have no control over in the first place.

Thise are just some of the ways I've worked out "letting go" over the years...I think everyone develops an individual style - because the point of it is it has to work for YOU! I had to practice it though - like when the anxiety and fear come creeping I have to be mindful and think "Watch out B, you're going down that slippery slope!" And then I have to actually choose to think different thoughts or do something specific to "let go."

And when I say I am not religious, despite what I have described above, I really mean it. I was so inspired by people I met in AlAnon - people who could unburden themselves to their cat or to a big oak tree on their block!! It just does not matter! The key is finding something - some symbolic safe place to lay down my burdens - because the point of it is to ease my mind and stop making myself anxious - which is of no use to me or anyone around me! As Johnny Cash said "And it all goes down in your mind!"
peace-
b

Bonkers

Well, I believe that you don't need to go to church for faith. My HP does not wander around the halls of churches. If you believe in a HP, then just pray. I get down on my hands and knees morning and night and just pray for the guidance to get through whatever my HP's will is for me. I can't control what happens to my loved ones, but I can pray that whatever God's will is for them they are able to be strong enough to go through. My God loves me enough to put me on the path to not drinking and getting my life under control. I really believe that your God loves you too - just have faith in this. If you have the Big Book, read page 417. I think that's it. It's about Acceptance. It's my favorite passage and brings me comfort when chaos strikes. Good luck.

baldjim

thanks for your reply i'm getting my cheeseplant inside out of the hall way and i'm gona talk its little green leaves offlmao