Tansy

I posted earlier but I think it got eaten. Dh left for the second and last time. He is a heavy drinker - never missed a night since he was 15 and now he is in his 40s and it is taking its toll. His lone drinking sessions got longer and longer( 5 am finishes were the norm) and the booze stronger until he hit a wall and seemed uanble to can it like before. Not that it stopped him trying. He just got drunker. He wouldn't have a blood test so the state of his liver is still a mystery. He changed. The kids are scared of him and avoid him when he is sober. He has changed from a happy drunk to argumentative and nasty, given to banging on the kids bedroom doors a night when s**t faced to lecture them on any perceived wrongs he thinks they have done, while swaying around in their rooms. I spend all night long stopping him doing this, setting fire to the sofa with his fags and breaking stuff until he passed out. It was tiring. He doesn't work and spends his days smoking, drinking tea and doing the odd bit of d.i.y. until he starts drinking each day again. We rowed. We have had no relationship for years cos of his drinking and the consquences of it. He moved into his own bed. The mess he makes, the debt..the sheer loneliness. I cannot respect a man I find laid in his own mess every night. He left after an all day row and went to live with rellies. They are like him and putting pressure on me to give him yet another chance. Last time he came back he just carried on drinking like he had never been away. Nothing I says gets through. He seems unable to understand or care what he is like and how much he impacts on us. He phoned. Even now he seems to think he can stay over now and then but he had no interest in me while he was here. He has no chance. I don't love him anymore. His drinking and awful behavour while drunk towards me and my kids ( even when sober he is a misery, refuses to get help and gives off an negativity you can cut with a knife. He only smiles when drunk and that is rarely) killed it. He doesn't l know I don't love him anymore. He think he is O.K. I don't want him back here. He is in denial cos he doesn't drink all day. It was like living in a frat house for 13 years. We like it peaceful now. I have enough on. I have 7 kids and 4 are autistic. He was like an 8th child. I am disabled myself. He has stated he won't get help since he left so to me there is nothing for it but a life with my kids on my own. I just hope his family will see that and lay off with pressure. He is not coming back here and I keep repeating that like a mantra. He chose the booze not us and that hurts. Worse is I feel like I am in the wrong not him. Everything is still all about him. His new flat, his gear, his life. He has no responsbilities and has left me with debt a house that needs a lot of work and am the baddy for not putting up with him.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I am sorry that you are going through this. It must be difficult to know that you have the responsibility for all your children. I hope your husband will seek help. For you, there is support here, so take a look around and read and learn.

Horselover

Welcome to SR. You have quite a lot on your plate to put it mildly. I hate to say it but my viewpoint would be from the alcoholic side. I know alcoholism brings out the worse in all of us for sure. I feel your pain though because I know what I put my husband through.

You did the right thing in posting here, but you also might like to introduce yourself here.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I hope you get the help you need. Do "you" have any support outside the house? I see the husband does, but what about you? If you do not have immediate family nearby or friends, could you join an Alanon group or something that is face to face? SR is awesome, but we all need friends and its nice to have someone that knows the road we're on. Just some friendly ideas. Again, welcome to SR.

Dee74

Hi Tansy

I'm sorry for your situation.
I think it's very important you take care of yourself, and of course your kids.

You're in the right place. You'll find a lot of support here.

We have a lot of forums - many others here are dealing with similar situations - check out the Family and Friends forum Horselover linked to some time

Welcome to SR!
D

yor5150

I am so sorry to hear of your situation and wish there was something I could do or say that would help. I hope you find a solution. I also hope your husband finds recovery and does the right thing by you and your kids.

Is there anything you can do from a legal perspective? It seems that besides a moral obligation he has a legal & financial obligation to support the children.

God Bless

Wolfchild