How the F**K did I turn into a crackhead?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6
How the F**K did I turn into a crackhead?
I guess the title might catch an eye or 2, but I imagine that I am not the only one.
I'll give a quick family history here, but I will elaborate in the blog section probably.
I am a 55 year old man in Houston who has been married for 25 years and has 2 semi-grown kids. My wife has battled with drinking through the years and has made two trips to rehab. ( last one was about 6 months ago and was a total waste). Her longest sober time was 12 years, but when menopause came along 3 or so years ago she started having trouble. In between the menopause, the drugs to treat it, and the drinking that followed I eventually shut down and pulled back into my own little world. Which suprise suprise was into the internet!
There I chatted it up with various people and eventually met up with a woman in the spring of 08. It was exciting an event and allowed me to escape further into my own world leaving behind the drunken wife who cared little for me and even less for any type of sexual contact.
Sometime in the summer of 08 I mentioned to my "Lady" friend about being more relaxed at our next meeting and she agreed saying that she could pickup party favors from one of her friends in low places. I had done cocaine back in the day many years ago, but never thought the cost benefit ratio was worth it so I had not done any in probably 20 years!
When we met up at the local notellmotel she had the party favors, but they were in a solid rock form. Being the sport that I am I said sure I'll try this.......thinking that it would be about the same as snorting a line of coke.
WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! After the first hit it was yes I like this.......I really like this!
And it has been downhill since then. I have blown a stack of cash and ever time I do it I run the risk of getting busted and loosing everything. I have two liscenses from the state of Texas and both of them along with my livelyhood would disappear overnight. I can't even wrap my head around how the drunken wife would respond to this........If busted I would probably opt to just rot in jail rather than call her.
Anyway I'm here.....haven't smoked today.......and still don't know how I ended up being addicted to crack.
I'll give a quick family history here, but I will elaborate in the blog section probably.
I am a 55 year old man in Houston who has been married for 25 years and has 2 semi-grown kids. My wife has battled with drinking through the years and has made two trips to rehab. ( last one was about 6 months ago and was a total waste). Her longest sober time was 12 years, but when menopause came along 3 or so years ago she started having trouble. In between the menopause, the drugs to treat it, and the drinking that followed I eventually shut down and pulled back into my own little world. Which suprise suprise was into the internet!
There I chatted it up with various people and eventually met up with a woman in the spring of 08. It was exciting an event and allowed me to escape further into my own world leaving behind the drunken wife who cared little for me and even less for any type of sexual contact.
Sometime in the summer of 08 I mentioned to my "Lady" friend about being more relaxed at our next meeting and she agreed saying that she could pickup party favors from one of her friends in low places. I had done cocaine back in the day many years ago, but never thought the cost benefit ratio was worth it so I had not done any in probably 20 years!
When we met up at the local notellmotel she had the party favors, but they were in a solid rock form. Being the sport that I am I said sure I'll try this.......thinking that it would be about the same as snorting a line of coke.
WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! After the first hit it was yes I like this.......I really like this!
And it has been downhill since then. I have blown a stack of cash and ever time I do it I run the risk of getting busted and loosing everything. I have two liscenses from the state of Texas and both of them along with my livelyhood would disappear overnight. I can't even wrap my head around how the drunken wife would respond to this........If busted I would probably opt to just rot in jail rather than call her.
Anyway I'm here.....haven't smoked today.......and still don't know how I ended up being addicted to crack.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Hardnhstn)))
Welcome to SR!!
I'm a recovering crack addict. I was an RN...worked in a hospital that was both a trauma center and took care of the indigent...saw what crack did to a person. I started my addiction descent with opiates...got off them with no problem, but was introduced to a man in who introduced me to crack and that **** brought me to my knees.
I only did it for 2-3 years, but it was enough time to totally wreck the life I had had. I've been clean for 2-1/2+ years and am still struggling like crazy to get my life back on track. I wait tables for one job, do merchandising for another one, and just had an interview for a 3rd job of waiting tables. I'm also going back to school to get into another area of healthcare, as I don't want to go back into nursing for various reasons.
What got me off crack, to be honest, was the consequences. I got locked up, and stuck in a diversion center (like a work release program) for close to 6 months. I came out with no car, traveling 2-1/2 hours each way to work on buses and trains (even though it was only 6 miles) and I have a ton of debt to pay back.
It's worth every single bit of it, though. I went to meetings when I quit the opiates and I still use the knowledge I learned then. I don't go know, though I think they are highly recommended for a good reason. I just happen to have a very strong support system around me. I have several good friends here, who I also have their e-mail and phone numbers, so if I'm not near the computer, I can get to them on the blackberry.
The thing is...you've got to want to be clean more than you want the high. My XABF (ex addict boyfriend) is still using, going on close to 30 years and he is a mess...that's why he's an ex.
I hope you stick around..there are a lot of people here with a tremendous amount of support and experience.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Welcome to SR!!
I'm a recovering crack addict. I was an RN...worked in a hospital that was both a trauma center and took care of the indigent...saw what crack did to a person. I started my addiction descent with opiates...got off them with no problem, but was introduced to a man in who introduced me to crack and that **** brought me to my knees.
I only did it for 2-3 years, but it was enough time to totally wreck the life I had had. I've been clean for 2-1/2+ years and am still struggling like crazy to get my life back on track. I wait tables for one job, do merchandising for another one, and just had an interview for a 3rd job of waiting tables. I'm also going back to school to get into another area of healthcare, as I don't want to go back into nursing for various reasons.
What got me off crack, to be honest, was the consequences. I got locked up, and stuck in a diversion center (like a work release program) for close to 6 months. I came out with no car, traveling 2-1/2 hours each way to work on buses and trains (even though it was only 6 miles) and I have a ton of debt to pay back.
It's worth every single bit of it, though. I went to meetings when I quit the opiates and I still use the knowledge I learned then. I don't go know, though I think they are highly recommended for a good reason. I just happen to have a very strong support system around me. I have several good friends here, who I also have their e-mail and phone numbers, so if I'm not near the computer, I can get to them on the blackberry.
The thing is...you've got to want to be clean more than you want the high. My XABF (ex addict boyfriend) is still using, going on close to 30 years and he is a mess...that's why he's an ex.
I hope you stick around..there are a lot of people here with a tremendous amount of support and experience.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I have no experience at all with crack, but my life got every bit as unmanageable with my drugs of choice. I was pretty much insane for a few years there.
I'm glad I found this place - it gave me the perspective, the help and support I needed to change my life for the better. It gave me back some hope too.
I'm hoping it can be that for you too
Welcome to SR hardnhstn
D
I'm glad I found this place - it gave me the perspective, the help and support I needed to change my life for the better. It gave me back some hope too.
I'm hoping it can be that for you too
Welcome to SR hardnhstn
D
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I was looking for weed one night in East Hollywood. Ended up smoking crack for a few weeks straight and was off to the races from there.
It just happens, I guess...
The important part is that it stops, sanity is resumed, and health is better achieved mentally, physically and spiritually.
It just happens, I guess...
The important part is that it stops, sanity is resumed, and health is better achieved mentally, physically and spiritually.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6
Thanks....
Reading you reply made my eyes water a little.......I do want to stop if for no other reason than to be stronger for my kids and show them that at least one of their parents is sorta normal. At least as normal as I can be. (Showing my age here, but normal or fitting in was not on the agenda for my generation)
Thanks again
Thanks again
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
to SoberRecovery (SR) hardnhstn.Reading, posting and replying here at SR is a good part of my addiction treatment plan. So good going on starting your recovery by doing the same. I would suggest looking into what other kinds of treatment your willing to participate in. NA/AA or SMART Recovery offer lots of resources for addiction treatment.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR hardnhstn..... Why? Good question with no real good answer, I know I did not decide one day "Hey, I think I will become an alcoholic!" but it happened!
I have never done crack, but I know a bunch of folks in AA that have had that battle with the devil along with booze, every one of them says they just were looking to cop a quick high, first hit off the pipe and they were gone!
You have recieved some good suggestions, crack is a real SOB from what I have seen, not something one tackles alone. In line with the other suggestions, get with a program and WORK it!!!! NA, AA, SMART, what ever.
The best thing in the world for me was the support and help of other alcoholics in recovery. I would suggest seeking out others who are clean from crack and do as they have done.
I have never done crack, but I know a bunch of folks in AA that have had that battle with the devil along with booze, every one of them says they just were looking to cop a quick high, first hit off the pipe and they were gone!
You have recieved some good suggestions, crack is a real SOB from what I have seen, not something one tackles alone. In line with the other suggestions, get with a program and WORK it!!!! NA, AA, SMART, what ever.
The best thing in the world for me was the support and help of other alcoholics in recovery. I would suggest seeking out others who are clean from crack and do as they have done.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
My story is very similar to yours. I was a teetotaler, non-drug user, who in my mid-thirties became a crackhead.
Looking back, I realize that I was unhappy with my life and my marriage but was too afraid to make the needed life changes.
Crack was an easier alternative.
Looking back, I realize that I was unhappy with my life and my marriage but was too afraid to make the needed life changes.
Crack was an easier alternative.
Last edited by miamifella; 10-28-2009 at 05:03 AM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6
I'm still trying....
I am still around and still fighting the demons. It seems to be Ok for about 2 or 3 days and then I let the wife's drunken state become a reason to answer the call.
I know that is the wrong thing to do but hopefully I can string some of these 2 & 3 day dry spells into a longer run.
After walking the wife through rehab a couple of times I feel I know the things I need to be doing myself to stay sober and will keep trying.
wish me luck!
I know that is the wrong thing to do but hopefully I can string some of these 2 & 3 day dry spells into a longer run.
After walking the wife through rehab a couple of times I feel I know the things I need to be doing myself to stay sober and will keep trying.
wish me luck!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I completely know what you mean. Last night, I was hanging out with my family. Live in a nice house, nice neighborhood, my spouse is a professor, I was a frickin teacher and children's librarian a few years ago..and I just put my head in my hands and said "how'd I become a frickin' junkie?"
I think I need to write my story out, for my own sake, like you did here...and try to connect the dots...because I think it'll help me see some patterns and choices that I need to be aware of now that I am a recovering junkie (as opposed to a frickin' one)
great post
I think I need to write my story out, for my own sake, like you did here...and try to connect the dots...because I think it'll help me see some patterns and choices that I need to be aware of now that I am a recovering junkie (as opposed to a frickin' one)
great post
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
welcome back hardnhstn
I think trying and hoping is great - but sometimes we need to actually physically change things and make a concerted effort to stay clean.
I hope you'll consider something like counselling, IOP, or NA.
D
I think trying and hoping is great - but sometimes we need to actually physically change things and make a concerted effort to stay clean.
I hope you'll consider something like counselling, IOP, or NA.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6
Making a change
It looks like the main change that needs to happen in my little world is to divorce my drunken wife.......the crazyness around here continues whether I smoke crack or not.
I drove her to the store for booze at 7 pm last night to prevent her from driving herself there drunk and by 5:30 am the next morning she was waking me up to help her look for her wine so that she could go to sleep. She blamed her drinking last night on it being difficult to leave me..............I encouraged her to sober up and get out!
Although in a positive note she slept in our bed for 30 minutes while I looked all through a 5,000 square foot house for more little bottles of wine. I did not find anything other than a ton of empties!
(She has not slept in our bed in about a month and don't ask about any sort of physical contact...........please really don't ask)
and life goes on........
I drove her to the store for booze at 7 pm last night to prevent her from driving herself there drunk and by 5:30 am the next morning she was waking me up to help her look for her wine so that she could go to sleep. She blamed her drinking last night on it being difficult to leave me..............I encouraged her to sober up and get out!
Although in a positive note she slept in our bed for 30 minutes while I looked all through a 5,000 square foot house for more little bottles of wine. I did not find anything other than a ton of empties!
(She has not slept in our bed in about a month and don't ask about any sort of physical contact...........please really don't ask)
and life goes on........
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