JMB

Today....
I miss him so much, yet, I fear what will happen when he returns.
We still have 3 plus weeks to go. I wish I could just settle down, enjoy the day, yet, I cant. I am not feeling very well today, so I guess thats not helping with the emotions.

JMB

laurie6781

Just a suggestion that worked for me.

Make a list. Well actually take a full size piece of paper, draw a line down the middle of it the long way.

Then on one side write down all the good things you miss, and on the other side write down all the hellish things you miss and what you have been put through.

I believe this will give you a different perspective, is sure did for me, and allow you to enjoy your peace and serenity while he is gone.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

BigSis

Excellent idea, Laurie.

As long as I find my self-worth, my pleasure, my joy in another I will never be happy with me.


Sometimes it has hurt me to have others tell me that. But it is true, and they told me to help me.

So I work on me. Figuring out what I REALLY like to do ... by myself! What color is MY favorite? What foods do I really, really enjoy? Where do I want to travel? What do I want to learn? What sort of activity gives me joy?

So often, my answers to those questions were the answers for a husband, a daughter or a child... but not for me! I didn't even know my own favorite color for a loooooonggg time. Today I do... shades of soft grey-green.

I hope you can find a way to make the list Laurie talks about, then maybe make a few more about yourself. Things you want in life. Goals.


I wish you the best. ((hugs))

JMB

Thank you for the suggestion on the list. I will have to do that. I know I have a long way to go in my codependency recovery, although I've made great strides. I do things for me... I have returned to school, read books of my interest, take care of myself. Still a way to go.

JMB

gfunknown

I am learning each day. It get easier and easier. I do know what I like; however, I have always wound up thinking of what others like (meaning boyfriends) which is not a reflection of me and believe their choice(s) over mine.

I know I have always thought or think of others before me...which is so wrong!!! I need to think of me first then everyone else. It's tough at first, but it does become easier.

I so strongly believe in "Let Go Let God". When I think of my last boyfriend-coke user/abuser/addict...I think of what I am thinking of and then give it to God to own it. The ex is not my problem, sure I miss him, but I just need to remember I do not really know him-he is a shell of someone he doesn't know himself. I cannot fix him ... it is just a waste of energy and way too much stress. God can love him and care for him..I am done!

Whew that felt fantastic!!

cassandra2

As long as I stayed in a place of fear I was allowing my emotions of fear control me and my thoughts. The moment that doom starts to fill my head I recognize it and then try really hard to get out of it.

I make terrible decisions, say terrible things, ignore my important people and things in my life when I operate out of fear. As long I was feeding the fear beast (by continuing with the thoughts) I could NOT focus on ME. I could not focus on what I wanted to do, what I liked, who I was.

Try to spend your time worrying about your needs. Take baby steps and do some of things suggested above. I know its hard but there really isnt anything you can do about tomorrow because tomorrow isnt here yet.