My Last... Last Night...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
My Last... Last Night...
Hey Guys.
So, I started this path a few months back. And, I never finished it. I was sober for a month... and then started drinking again. I usually have the ability to drink a couple of drinks and stop. But, when I don't stop... I become such a a**hole. And, it is always aimed at the people I love the most. Last night was no exception.
I did so many things wrong -- I don't know if I could put it all into words... without totally breaking down and crying. But, this morning I saw the hurt in the eyes of the man I love. I feel so much shame for that. I have to stop... and today has to be the day. Because, I need this... my marriage needs this.
Just to put it out there.... because I need to purge:
Last night I had atleast 8 drinks
Last night tried to jump out of a moving car
Last night I hurt my best friend deeply... and caused her concern.
Last night I almost got arrested for hitting my husband.
Last night I broke a shower door.
Last night I cussed and told my best friend to leave me alone... forever...
Last night I caused major hurt.
That is the Last Night that I am going to have one of those nights.
Thank you all for reading.
Saliena
So, I started this path a few months back. And, I never finished it. I was sober for a month... and then started drinking again. I usually have the ability to drink a couple of drinks and stop. But, when I don't stop... I become such a a**hole. And, it is always aimed at the people I love the most. Last night was no exception.
I did so many things wrong -- I don't know if I could put it all into words... without totally breaking down and crying. But, this morning I saw the hurt in the eyes of the man I love. I feel so much shame for that. I have to stop... and today has to be the day. Because, I need this... my marriage needs this.
Just to put it out there.... because I need to purge:
Last night I had atleast 8 drinks
Last night tried to jump out of a moving car
Last night I hurt my best friend deeply... and caused her concern.
Last night I almost got arrested for hitting my husband.
Last night I broke a shower door.
Last night I cussed and told my best friend to leave me alone... forever...
Last night I caused major hurt.
That is the Last Night that I am going to have one of those nights.
Thank you all for reading.
Saliena
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Hi Saliena. Sometimes it takes us awhile to "get it". All the evidence we need is right in front of us - we can't drink! Still we persist in trying to moderate - anything to not have to quit all together.
I did so many things that were out of character when I drank. I never saw it most of the time. It took 2 DUI's, ruined relationships & health issues to show me I was completely out of control. Hopefully you are taking charge of this mess before your life becomes chaos the way mine did. Wishing you courage as you start a new life.
I did so many things that were out of character when I drank. I never saw it most of the time. It took 2 DUI's, ruined relationships & health issues to show me I was completely out of control. Hopefully you are taking charge of this mess before your life becomes chaos the way mine did. Wishing you courage as you start a new life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
Thanks Sandy... for your thoughts. My husband calls me Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde... But, it is exactly like that. I can be really good at drinking and having fun... but then one thing go wrong and I make everyone around me miserable... and you know what I am really tired of that. I don't want to be that person anymore.
it's all happening
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Ann Arbor, Mich.
Posts: 125
Saliena!
Welcome back! You're very brave for coming back, and I'm happy you're here.
Congrats to you for realizing you have the power not to be that person anymore. Lots of people go through life never admitting they can change their behavior and never make the effort to change.
Best,
PL
Welcome back! You're very brave for coming back, and I'm happy you're here.
Congrats to you for realizing you have the power not to be that person anymore. Lots of people go through life never admitting they can change their behavior and never make the effort to change.
Best,
PL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Chantilly, VA
Posts: 216
Welcome back Saliena! It takes courage to stand up and admit a personal screw up! But please, don't beat yourself up over it, we have, I suspect, ALL have "been there, done that", at least a few times! Lots of us (me!) are some of the nicest people in the world, but when we drink to excess (i.e. everytime), we're not so nice anymore... we're different people.
Stay strong, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and today is a New day!
..Mike
Stay strong, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and today is a New day!
..Mike
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