He's away and I'm a mess
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: HereNow, EC
Posts: 5
He's away and I'm a mess
My husband left the other day for a 30 day (at least) stay at a faith based recovery program that he had previously attended.
In any event, over the last few years I have made great strides with my own co-dependency. It was not until he left the other day that I relaized, I still have a long way to go.
I miss him so much. I just want him home. Yet, on the other hand, I am hateful and resentful.
Along with this current relapse, came infidelity. It wasn't the first time.
He has been on suboxone for four months prior to leaving for this program.
I am sorry that I am rambling and all over the place, its just where I am at right now.
Looking for support and prayer.
JMB
In any event, over the last few years I have made great strides with my own co-dependency. It was not until he left the other day that I relaized, I still have a long way to go.
I miss him so much. I just want him home. Yet, on the other hand, I am hateful and resentful.
Along with this current relapse, came infidelity. It wasn't the first time.
He has been on suboxone for four months prior to leaving for this program.
I am sorry that I am rambling and all over the place, its just where I am at right now.
Looking for support and prayer.
JMB
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
:ghug3
Glad you're here posting for support - with what you're going through and have gone through, these kinds of emotions are normal, I think. You realizing that you still have work to do is a positive step for yourself, showing that you are moving in the right direction. You might not feel like reading this right now.....but GOOD FOR YOU
Keep taking those steps for yourself, even if they are small steps. While he's gone, if you're not already doing it, do things for yourself, get out of the house, go places, call people. IMO, it will help keep things in perspective. You may still miss him and you may still have those feelings of resentment...but they don't have to control your day. While he's off working on himself, give yourself the same respect and focus on you.
The first time my rAH left for rehab/detox, I felt many of the same feelings. It was hard to know how to feel with so many unresolved feelings. At the time I hadn't yet reached out for support and was still trying to hide things from my family/friends so I felt completely alone. At the time, I felt he was all I had, and he was gone.
By the last time he was in a recovery home, I had realized what a great support system my family/friends were.... and I relied on them to help me stay balanced, to keep things in perspective. It wasn't always easy, but I tried hard to stay busy, to keep my mind off him and on things I had control over (mostly me), and get out of the house and do things for me as much as possible. In a way, it was like letting go - letting go of my expectations for what he was/wasn't going to do, letting go of those worries about the future, about our marriage. I felt more at peace.
Sending out positive thoughts for you!
Glad you're here posting for support - with what you're going through and have gone through, these kinds of emotions are normal, I think. You realizing that you still have work to do is a positive step for yourself, showing that you are moving in the right direction. You might not feel like reading this right now.....but GOOD FOR YOU
Keep taking those steps for yourself, even if they are small steps. While he's gone, if you're not already doing it, do things for yourself, get out of the house, go places, call people. IMO, it will help keep things in perspective. You may still miss him and you may still have those feelings of resentment...but they don't have to control your day. While he's off working on himself, give yourself the same respect and focus on you. The first time my rAH left for rehab/detox, I felt many of the same feelings. It was hard to know how to feel with so many unresolved feelings. At the time I hadn't yet reached out for support and was still trying to hide things from my family/friends so I felt completely alone. At the time, I felt he was all I had, and he was gone.
By the last time he was in a recovery home, I had realized what a great support system my family/friends were.... and I relied on them to help me stay balanced, to keep things in perspective. It wasn't always easy, but I tried hard to stay busy, to keep my mind off him and on things I had control over (mostly me), and get out of the house and do things for me as much as possible. In a way, it was like letting go - letting go of my expectations for what he was/wasn't going to do, letting go of those worries about the future, about our marriage. I felt more at peace.
Sending out positive thoughts for you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
I am sure what you are feeling is completely normal. For me, the first time was the hardest. I hated the lack of contact.
The other times AH went to treatment or detox, I actually could breathe. I loved being able to close my eyes at night and know he was somewhere safe. I loved not having to check and double check the accounts. I loved being able to come and go and not have to answer to anybody or bounce any decisions off of him, including what to make for dinner or if we could afford Happy Meals.
Just know he's somewhere safe and he's being looked after. Treatment and working a program is somewhat selfish. It has to be and there might be times you feel completely left out so that's why you need to get busy with your own program. Spread your wings for 30 days and enjoy the freedom that comes with only having to worry about yourself for a month.
Catch up with old friends or rent some chick flicks. Go to bed early or stay up extra late and indulge in YOUR favorite ice cream with a green facial mask.
The other times AH went to treatment or detox, I actually could breathe. I loved being able to close my eyes at night and know he was somewhere safe. I loved not having to check and double check the accounts. I loved being able to come and go and not have to answer to anybody or bounce any decisions off of him, including what to make for dinner or if we could afford Happy Meals.
Just know he's somewhere safe and he's being looked after. Treatment and working a program is somewhat selfish. It has to be and there might be times you feel completely left out so that's why you need to get busy with your own program. Spread your wings for 30 days and enjoy the freedom that comes with only having to worry about yourself for a month.
Catch up with old friends or rent some chick flicks. Go to bed early or stay up extra late and indulge in YOUR favorite ice cream with a green facial mask.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
What a blessing he is in treatment and you can focus on you and your own recovery from the addiction that has been destroying your life. Have you thought about attending some alanon meetings or reading some boods on co-dependency so you can keep moving forward and figure out a plan for when he gets out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: HereNow, EC
Posts: 5
Thanks again for all the new responses. I have read many (if not all) the books on codependency. Like I said, I have come a long way in that journey. I guess its always a work in progress.
JMB
JMB
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