savingmaggie

I haven't been in touch with my xabf for over a month now. Hw showed up at the door last night and wanted to talk so I let him him. He was sober and told me he is doing well in a program now. He wanted to come here to ask forgiveness for all he has done to me and hopes one day we will find our way back to each other.
What scared me is I noticed some memory loss throughout our talk and then when he went to use my washroom he was unable to find it. We have gone out together for four years...he knows where my bathroom is. He also asked me where the local market is in town. He was once a police officer who worked the streets of the small city I live in and the market has always been in the same location.
Can anyone guide me as to what to say to him about my concerns? A year ago he was in hospital with a staph infection and alcohol withdrawal. He was in a coma for almost a month and almost died a few times. They discovered he had a couple of very small strokes and it took him 3 months to recuperate and learn to walk and even tell time again.
Recently this summer he had a relaspe after almost a year sober.
I am currently in recovery myself with the help of al-anon and I try not to think about him much but this is bothering me seeing how he is now....I don't even know how to talk to him about my concerns.

Just thought I would put it out there...thanks

Ago

sounds like the strokes or the coma to me, I am very sorry to hear this, alcohol induced or not, i just wanted to say (((hug)))

savingmaggie

Thanks Ago....really appreciate the hugs....one day at a time...I keep saying this a lot today. I really feel like crying....the doctors thought that he would never recuperate and may have a form of dementia called Lewy Body dementia....I remember telling them that I noticed nothing wrong with his abilities prior to the infection but to be honest I do this sort of thing for a living and it does not seem good anymore....the problem with dementia like this they are the last to notice it.

anyway I am heading out to a wedding reception with friends and I promised myself that I would not focus my night on him so I am trying hard to put my happy face on and whatever happens happens....it is all in God's hands now.

Thanks again for the hugs

maggie

Still Waters

Is it possible that he wasn't sober? When I thought my sober AH was acting oddly it scared me, until I realized that he wasn't so sober after all.

savingmaggie

Hi there....thanks for your reply...I know he wasn't drinking the other night while he when he came to the house. But I got a call from him last night and he was obviously drinking. I listened to him for awhile but he did notice the disappointment in my voice. I treated him with respect and realize that he continues to struggle with remaining sober. I realize that I am not going back and I have to find the courage to say the words to him which have been difficult. I will let God take care of him and hope he one day returns to sobriety.

sclarke64448

Hey SM, sorry to hear your story. It is distressing seeing someone you love and care about in such a state. This happened with my ex a few times - though not quite to this extreme. The most distressing time was once when he was in a hotel (he lived in a hotel room for about three to four months - at my expense!) and one time he burst into tears because he couldn't remember a thing about the day before. (From memory I'm pretty sure he was just lying in bed in the hotel room then too!) He didn't want to go out much and wasn't really in contact with friends or family as they didn't want to know. It was really distressing watching him cry over it. Another time he spent half an hour trying to remember his middle name. Those two are by far the worst two I remember tho there are other times I've seen him lose his memory. Sorry to hear about your ex's experience. But please, for your own sanity, and I think many others on this site would say the same, much as tho we worry and care about them, please don't let yourself be drawn in again. Good luck!