Resentment
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
Resentment
Hi, I'm new here but I've been reading your posts for a while and it does help.
I have an AH boyfriend of 5 years and I've got to the stage where everytime I look at him and he has a beer in his hand, my anger just goes through the roof. He owes me $1,000 from the time I was enabling him (I don't do that anymore!!) but he still continues to buy his beer and not care about giving me my money back. What a jerk. For some reason, I don't have the strength to leave.
He just doesn't care. I have loads of medical bills to pay for myself and he just doesn't care. How do I move forward from such resentment? Any tips?
I have an AH boyfriend of 5 years and I've got to the stage where everytime I look at him and he has a beer in his hand, my anger just goes through the roof. He owes me $1,000 from the time I was enabling him (I don't do that anymore!!) but he still continues to buy his beer and not care about giving me my money back. What a jerk. For some reason, I don't have the strength to leave.
He just doesn't care. I have loads of medical bills to pay for myself and he just doesn't care. How do I move forward from such resentment? Any tips?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
That is the point, HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ANYONE OR ANYTHING BUT HIS NEXT DRINK.
It is a lot of money when you are broke and have bills to be paid, but be thankful it is only $1000, because others here have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Your reaction to even seeing a beer is very strong, and imagine what that is doing to your stress levels, so it could be you will end up with a stroke before he is too bad from the drink. You need to concentrate on you and take steps to cut stress, either by exercise, meditation or medication, or even just deciding that he ain't gonna kill you.
I have stress angina and had a heart attack, all due mainly to stress from trying to cope with ABF, and please DO NOT GO THERE.
Psychological help, counselling and Alanon, plus reading all you can, and makins sure to put your needs first, even if that means LEAVING HIM (would that really be a loss?) may get you thru this and over the hump.
God bless
It is a lot of money when you are broke and have bills to be paid, but be thankful it is only $1000, because others here have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Your reaction to even seeing a beer is very strong, and imagine what that is doing to your stress levels, so it could be you will end up with a stroke before he is too bad from the drink. You need to concentrate on you and take steps to cut stress, either by exercise, meditation or medication, or even just deciding that he ain't gonna kill you.
I have stress angina and had a heart attack, all due mainly to stress from trying to cope with ABF, and please DO NOT GO THERE.
Psychological help, counselling and Alanon, plus reading all you can, and makins sure to put your needs first, even if that means LEAVING HIM (would that really be a loss?) may get you thru this and over the hump.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Welcome, normaeinstein. You are in good company here....many of us understand exactly what you're going through. I'm glad you found us!
And I agree with Jadmack 100%. I too suffered when living with an XABF. I no longer respected him, I had been abused by him, but I couldn't find the strength to leave.
I told myself that I couldn't leave because of my medical issues.
When in truth, my medical issues would never have happened except for the stress of living with an alcoholic.
Terrible cycle......but there are ways to come through it and be happy again.
Take care
And I agree with Jadmack 100%. I too suffered when living with an XABF. I no longer respected him, I had been abused by him, but I couldn't find the strength to leave.
I told myself that I couldn't leave because of my medical issues.
When in truth, my medical issues would never have happened except for the stress of living with an alcoholic.
Terrible cycle......but there are ways to come through it and be happy again.
Take care
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
Thank you!
I'm going to get Codependency no more to read and try to give me strength.
It's been a long time of him manipulating me to believe I was the crazy one, I'm the one who doesn't support him and I am the one who makes up that he is one full blown liar.
I'm going to get Codependency no more to read and try to give me strength.
It's been a long time of him manipulating me to believe I was the crazy one, I'm the one who doesn't support him and I am the one who makes up that he is one full blown liar.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
It is time to get strong and well? the Best route may likely be independence.
Keeping focus on what it will take to get serenity; not on what you are not
getting from him but what steps you are taking to make your life better. He can not give it to you . Let it begin with you. Good luck with making decisions, steps to change your life.
Al-anon helped me considerably to start on a spiritual path.
Keeping focus on what it will take to get serenity; not on what you are not
getting from him but what steps you are taking to make your life better. He can not give it to you . Let it begin with you. Good luck with making decisions, steps to change your life.
Al-anon helped me considerably to start on a spiritual path.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
When my anger welled up against my XABF I took it out on myself. I ate myself smack into a binge eating disorder that nearly caused me permanent damage to my health. When I started my recovery I realized I also held a lot of anger at myself for getting sucked up into his addiction and for buying into his BS. I was also disappointed in myself for letting my health become unimportant to me and not accepting my codependency issues from the start.
I found when I was able to forgive myself for my poor decisions and even poorer treatment of my own self, I was able to let go of a lot of resentment that I had been directing at my XABF. Slowly but surely I am working on my remaining resentments.
It's true what they say about resentment...that it's like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It only hurts you not them.
Keep working on you, the answers will come.
Alice
I found when I was able to forgive myself for my poor decisions and even poorer treatment of my own self, I was able to let go of a lot of resentment that I had been directing at my XABF. Slowly but surely I am working on my remaining resentments.
It's true what they say about resentment...that it's like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It only hurts you not them.
Keep working on you, the answers will come.
Alice
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