Dee74

*posted for Barb Dwyer*

.. in a coma from what appears to be an accidental overdose of booze and oxycontin. She's got a 21 year old son who is the center of her world. She just bought her first NEW car (she's my age, let's say 50-ish) that she's ever had in her life...

Her kidneys are gone - they think she's been in that position since Tuesday afternoon - her entire right side is rock-hard from living blood pooling on that side ... she's not expected to last long.

And I'm asking for prayers for the peace of surrender for her, and for her son - no matter the outcome. If you have a minute for her - I'd appreciate it.

Accidental overdose.

I find I'm not sad, or suprised - I'm flat - out angry.

How is it 'accidental' when you eat a pill you haven't been perscribed??? I ate that stuff like candy when I was drinking - and here I AM.... WHY?
I've learned so much in recovery - and now see the INSANITY of eating a perscription drug at random ... it's like saying you accidentaly got hit by a train walking down the middle of the track...or accidentally drowned jumping into a river with rocks duct=-taped to your feet...whoops.

I dunno... I dunno what I'm saying or thinking ... I'm just feeling things and spewing them out here, please pray for my friend.

Thanks
Barb

Surlyredhead

I am so sorry. Prayers on the way, for them and you....

Cathy

Astro

Prayers going out for your friend and her son. Why? I wish I knew the answer to that. But for the grace of God, there go I. I'm so sorry Barb.

ElegantlyWasted

Best I can guess is that "accidental" is a euphimism for all the stuff you want to scream at the top of your lungs. I used to mix some stuff too, and am fortunate for everything I have now. Tragic is all I can think of... We can all learn and try to prevent stuff like this from happening. Prayers going out...

Aysha

Whoa!! I am so sry Barb. And thx dee for posting.
I really hope she pulls through. I really dont know what to say.
I often wonder why not me too. My cousin is hit with severe Lupus and she is younger than me and hasnt even smoked one cigarette in her life. So I get the why them and not me feelign alot.
I am sending alot of positive thoughts to you and your friend and her son.

barb dwyer

OF COURSE my alcoholic mind makes it all about me -
here I am, worried sick and truly pi$$ed off...
but I've got to be all 'woohoo! it's friday night at the liquor store"

when I really want to get in my new car and go to the city where she is, you know?

We were just joking on sunday that -
here we are
no spring chickens, but still have some 'hot' goin on
and we only now get our ducks in a row enough
to get decent cars...
we talked about a feeling of 'impending doom'
because we always screw things up when we get ahead like this ....

she didn't WANT this,
when my last year of drinking
I WANTED what she has
I WANTED not to wake up.

What do we do?

The only thing I ever came up with
was to have the CLEANEST recovery I can have
to make this life as meaningful as it was desloate
in memory of those who didn't make it.
in memory of those who got MY wish.

I know there's people reading this who lurk
still drinking
still eating pills
we never know
we never know when it's our turn in the barrel
we never know
wehn what we say
is the last thing we're going to say
we just never know.

Dee74

Its so easy make it about us - cos it could have been - it makes the hairs on the back of neck stand up to know how many times that could have been me.

But I really hope your friend gets the second chance I know she deserves and that we have. Prayers out.

And you're right - noone - *no. one.* knows when their luck with this crap is gonna run out.

D

Hevyn

You gave me so much to think about, Barb. Thank you for sharing this tragedy with us. Maybe some good can come out of it. I'll be praying for her and her son. Please let us know the outcome.

least

Oh Barb, I'm so sorry. And angry too, for a life wasted over chemicals. "There, but for the grace of God, go I" indeed. I will keep you and your friend in my prayers.

Believe808

(((Barb))) prayers for you, your friend and her son.

Thank you for another sobering

reminder of how this disease can and does kill.

I will keep all of you in my prayers.

box3

I'm so sorry, Barb. Addiction is lethal.

barb dwyer

"We are as stones ... cast into a still pond."

everything we do - whether drunk or sober... affects someone else.

I catch myself wondering if she'd want to talk to me if she wakes up.
They told me she'd frozen in the position they found her ...
they had a time strapping her to the gurney for the life flight over to missoula...

all this sh1t floating in and through my brain ...

I have never been able to behave as if everything is okay when it isn't.

But it's okay to feel all this.
So I'm gonna.

don't read if you don't want to - but I gotta get this out
before it builds up or something.
thanks

oh.
forgot to mention -
I just talked to the GM here, and volunteered to work a few extra shifts
if needed
to cover her shifts or her son's
we'll be scrambling people because we're really not a big crew
and these people own several casino's in town.

that's what got me going again.

I sent word to her son I'd come feed the cat if he wanted to split and go to Missoula.

Gypsy Feet

uhg. I'm so sorry honey, anyone of us for sure. Thanks for posting

barb dwyer

uh... box? what the hell *is* that for your avatar?

Asta1

Dee74: How awful. I'm not a religious person, but I will do as many of "my" kind of prayers as I can. I hope your coworker will come out of it. So sorry....

Rusty Zipper

Baaaaaaaaaaaabs

box3

Barb, it's Dracula.

barb dwyer

we tend to think life is like tv, you know -
that something like this fades to fluffy clouds, winged babies and harp music ...
maybe a meaningful mcdonald's commercial....

when the gross reality is
people you don't know in paper costumes
shaking their heads and talking about their own problems
like you're some kind of after thought for them
something to do in between paychecks.
Not all of them but enough to make what I just wrote valid.

And it's surgery to cut tendons so they can lay you flat on the bed,
holes so they can insert plastic tubes and tape them there....
and respirators.

Not a cloud or a cupid far as the eye can see.

It's started to rain here.
I called my sponsor - she's gonna drop by later
(poor thing having to come to a liquor store to see her sponsee)
she's in town for the weekend - lucky for me, huh?

Yeah.
Lucky for me.
Luck for all of us, huh?

Thank GOD for the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Unspeakable gratitude for what I've found.

Ok.
I think I'm done now.

Thanks for being here for me everyone.
And thanks for the prayers for my friend.

mirage

Thoughts and prayers out to you and yours. So very sad...I'm sorry for you all!

vegibean

Barb, I just lost one of my best girlfriends in July. Same thing. While I know SHE was angry and fed up, I know she didn't mean to do it. The stuff we have done is nasty. So many of us are lucky to be alive. My friend died when I was really going through some very rough stuff. It was her death that gave me all that more courage to keep fighting through all the BS. I know she wouldn't have wanted to see me go down where she went and I bet if she were alive today she'd be ultra proud and happy for me.

My heart and thoughts are with you.