UNHAPPY777

I know others want to know. I will be the brave one and ask! How long did it take for you to completely walk away from your addict? What was the thing that finally made you leave?

hello-kitty

I have a child with my ex. I have accepted that detaching will be a life long process. I have set firm boundaries in place that I stick to no matter what. This has enabled me to remain a healthy distance from his problems and stay focused on providing for me and my son. I don't hate him. I have moved on.

What made me "leave" (and actually I had to force him to "leave" since I own my home) was the fact that I finally set boundaries and started enforcing the consequences. There was no other choice. He violated my boundary by disappearing and not calling and the consequence was that he was no longer allowed in my home. I had decided that I was no longer going to allow myself to be an enabler to his addiction or a doormat for him to wipe his feet on as he pleased. Him staying was no longer an option.

Walking away is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. You know the old saying "two steps forward, three steps back..."

Just stay in the present, stay focused on your personal goals, learn how to set and enforce personal boundaries, and you will eventually get beyond the relationship muck you are stuck in.

Learn2Live

I don't know how to answer the time question. But what finally made me give up entirely (in both cases) was when I realized and accepted the truth about the VERY disgusting, evil and demented things people do when on crack.

Suspicious

Right now I am financially stuck. I have a plan that I am working on daily to get to the point where I am able to support me & the kids.

I would like to be able to say that if I had the means to leave now that I would. I cant be sure of that tho. It is easy to say that I would already be gone if I could when I know that I cant. Since I dont know I just have to hope that I get my financial issues straight quickly & once that is done that I have the determination to confront him with the boundary that I will not live with addiction and then be able to follow through on it.

I think I will keep telling myself that the reason it seems to be going slowly with my finances is that the universe is making sure that I am ready to step up only after I have the means to back it up. Yep... that is what I am going to focus on.

teke

it took me 21yrs to figure out leaving meant me and my kids living. enough is enough turned into wayyyyyyyy too much. i'm kind of slow i think but i still think better late than never.

onlyliveonce

UNHAPPY- you'll know when you're done. We all have our different thresholds but when he crosses that line too many times, nothing he will say will change your mind, Nothing!! I'm like heool-kitty, I'm not mad or angry at him, just moving on. He's had too many years of my life anyway. I know it's a struggle in your heart but try to start thinking with your head and ignore what you're heart is saying for awhile. Crack will take them to places unimaginable!! You will know when it's time and I think you are almost there

IPT

4 years, but it only took 2 months after our business ties were severed. WHat made me finally make the break (and on some levels I am still not fully away emotionslly but going on 4 months NC)? Just the straw that broke the camles back. Said she'd back and never came nback, no call, no nothing. Same she always did. For some reason this time though it just became clear that she was just never going to change no matter hwo many promises she made or how many times she told me she knew she needed too. Nothing in particular about that time was different except I was at the end of my rope. I just wanted more out a relationship/partner than she was capable of (at least at that time).