Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Holding Your Own

Trust yourself. Trust what you know.

Sometimes, it is hard to stand in our own truth and trust what we know, especially when others would try to convince us otherwise.

In these cases, others may be dealing with issues of guilt and shame. They may have their own agenda. They may be immersed in denial. They would like us to believe that we do not know what we know; they would like us not to trust ourselves; they would prefer to engage us in their nonsense.

We don't have to forfeit our truth or our power to others. That is codependency.

Believing lies is dangerous. When we stop trusting our truth, when we repress our instincts, when we tell ourselves there must be something wrong with us for feeling what we feel or believing what we believe, we deal a deadly blow to our self and our health.

When we discount that important part of ourselves that knows what is the truth, we cut ourselves off from our center. We feel crazy. We get into shame, fear, and confusion. We can't get our bearings when we allow someone to pull the rug from under us.

This does not mean that we are never wrong. But we are not always wrong.

Be open. Stand in our truth. Trust what you know. And refuse to buy into denial, nonsense, bullying, or coercion that would like to take you off course.

Ask to be shown the truth, clearly - not by the person trying to manipulate or convince you, but by yourself, your Higher Power, and the Universe.

Today, I will trust my truth, my instincts, and my ability to ground myself in reality. I will not allow myself to be swayed by bullying, manipulating, games, dishonesty, or people with peculiar agendas.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

It took me so long to trust my instinct. For some reason I needed to find "proof" and even when I did, it didn't change anything, it just validated what I already knew.

I learned that my instinct almost never lied to me. If I felt there was something wrong, there usually was. Recovery helped me to validate my instinct, my truth, and I no longer had to play Codie Detective to find evidence of what I already knew.

Once I could stand in my own truth, what I knew in my heart, I could begin healing and moving ahead to take back my life. It no longer meant long confrontations and arguments, it no longer mattered why or how or when...it no longer mattered because I knew what I knew and could now take that knowledge and learn and grow.

Hugs

imallright

This was a tough one for me and when I finally came to understand this concept it was HUGE. I remember coming to this site and reading about others who were doing the same things that I was doing.... searching for evidence when I KNEW the truth and even when I found what I was looking for STILL not confronting the issue and/or allowing myself to be told that what I KNEW was really not true.

The weirdest part was that I didn't even understand or know that I wasn't trusting myself. I truly just thought I must be wrong. Eventually some how, I guess with direction from God I hit bottom and started to say... no more. Then I found things like SR... quite by accident... or so I thought... now I know that I was guided here... and the lights started to come on.

Today I will trust what I know and I will try to walk in the light.

Thanks for the reminder, Ann.

Ann

I'd like to add, that I spent many years searching for HIS truth because it got lost in the lies somewhere. Maybe that's why I needed to find proof, so I could point out HIS truth to him and have him face it. He never did that, he denied it or made up excuses or lied but never acknowledged the truth. Instead he half convinced me that I was the one that was crazy. And you know what? He was right, I WAS crazy trying to control that which was not mine to control.

That is when I began looking for MY truth. Acknowledging to myself that my life had become insane and unmanageable. Accepting that I could not change him, no matter what his truth might be. And then taking action to decide what I could live with and what I could not...that was the greatest discovery of MY truth that I had made.

My truth told me who I was, what my dreams in life were, and that I could find help and change if I was willing enough to begin living in my truth and finding a better path.

When I became honest with myself, I was ready to begin my recovery, and today I am grateful for those who went before me who showed me a better path.

Hugs

NeedingHelp7

Wow!!! I needed to hear this today. My therapist asked me yesterday if I trust my feelings and instincts about AH. I told her "most of the time." I feel alot of fear about him. He's a crazy maker more than anything and I won't get into the insanity over everything he does and says, everything he doesn't do, or doesn't say. I can't stand to have a conversation with him only to hear his lies. I keep my distance. He still tries to engage me in conversation only to lie to me over and over. It's a game to him, but to me it's pathetic. Enough was enough long ago.

Thanks for posting the confirmation Ann

kwhims420

I have been meditating on this for a week...powerful and a good reminder that there are things i do know, sometimes it takes self conversation... recently hearing something that i already knew but when it was confirmed i felt myself go down...then i begin checking in with myself to get myself accountable...you knew that he was not going to do that..( there was a time i would believe and hang on to be let down in the end).and answer myself yes i knew that. and i was instantly lifted if only slightly and led to more self examination, and self care. I looked this up tonight, to put somewhere, because i want it all around me..and found it here, and read you all's thoughts on it. Thanks so much...peace...Kim

Ann

Gosh, I hadn't read this in years and yet it remains as important and poignant today as it did then.

We know what we know, sometimes we just don't know how to handle what we know. Just acknowledging that "we know" is a good beginning, and then start living in our own truth.

Over the years what I need to know for my recovery changes, as my life changes I find healing and peace and also the ability to absorb new information to help me stay on a good path.

Thanks for resurrecting this Kim, it's good for me and good for the newcomers too.

Anaya

I'm so glad I came to this forum to find this gem of a share this morning. It is so helpful and good to hear of others' thoughts on this as well.

Copied part of Ann's response with this paragraph that speaks volumes:

Wishing all a peace filled day.

nonnie6

I am new at this "trusting" and "knowing" what I know, but I have to agree...when it finally hit me that my son was using, manipulating, lying to me and YES I was allowing him to make me and my world CRAZY!!...it was like someone flipped a switch!! I have been allowing his crazy in my life for years and years!! That is a shame!! Can't go back and change it now...but I can change today!! It's almost like someone lifted a veil from my face...I can see the damage his addiction has caused my whole family!!! I am to blame for this also...I simply did not know what to do. I was so confused and hurt and worried and depressed over him that I just kept trying and trying and trying to save him!! It is a great thing to finally see the truth but it is also a very sad thing. Thanks for this post. Reading it has truly helped me.

Ann

Nonnie, when we know better, we do better. You aren't to blame for handling something badly that you never had to handle before. This all doesn't come with a manual, we just have to learn as we go. And believe me when I say that I was a very slow learner.

Clarity is such a gift, those "aha" moments when recovery speaks directly to us,

Hugs