Been awhile - unfortunate bad news
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Been awhile - unfortunate bad news
Hey guys. It's been awhile since I've been here and I'm sorry to say that bad news brings me back.
I was doing so good. I hadn't been in contact with my exAGF since June 09 and silly me I'm thinking maybe we can at least be friends again. I was so very wrong. Of course, I was under the impression that she was still successful in her recovery (or so she said and mistake #1 for me was believing her). We started talking again a couple of weeks ago. I stayed friends with her son and I had changed my cell phone number, etc. because when I first split from her she wasn't respecting my boundaries. Her son was the only one with my new information and true to his word he never gave it to her. I did, like an idiot.
Anyway a week ago mistake #2 occurs. She's living with her mom again and so is her son. I go over to their house because me and her son we basically hang out. At some point during the evening I fell asleep. About 3am her son wakes me up and asks me where my car is and I tell him it's in the driveway. He says it's not there (panic). She's stolen my car and I'm freaking out furthermore she's taken the $40 dollars I had in my coat pocket. Wait for mistake #3 I forgot my purse in my car (hidden under the passenger seat). Everything I own is in there including my debit card. She cleans out my bank account $300. I was DEVASTATED and so was her son. She'd been lying to him too and he is by far her biggest fan but we're very close. I'm crying hysterically and he's crying for me.
He agrees to take me to find my car, we find it after driving around her favorite spot for about 15 minutes. She's sitting in the car (doing cocaine) and there are two other men in the car with her, one of which was sitting behind the driver's seat of my brand new car! It took everything in me not to reach into that car and rip her heart out of her chest like she did me. How do I explain this to my mother (who gets half my pay check to pay my car note which was due that week). My mom trusted me never to talk to her again not even on a friendship level. I know she'd be even more upset than I was if she knew the truth. So I let her believe I blew $300 in one night. She was hurt and disappointed but not nearly as hysterical as she would have been if she knew the truth. I can't explain how well I know my mother but just take my word for it.
I decided not to press charges for the sake of her son and I know a lot of you will disagree with my decision but I feel I was taught an expensive and invaluable lesson. This is what I deserve for trusting a long-term drug user. This is what I deserve for being so careless and naive but it doesn't make the pain any less and every time I think about it, the wound opens up anew like it just happened yesterday. I know that at the very least you all can understand my pain and I needed so very much to tell someone about it because it's eating me up inside. I fear what I might do if I see her on the street at any given point. I've never been so hurt and enraged in all my life.
I was doing so good. I hadn't been in contact with my exAGF since June 09 and silly me I'm thinking maybe we can at least be friends again. I was so very wrong. Of course, I was under the impression that she was still successful in her recovery (or so she said and mistake #1 for me was believing her). We started talking again a couple of weeks ago. I stayed friends with her son and I had changed my cell phone number, etc. because when I first split from her she wasn't respecting my boundaries. Her son was the only one with my new information and true to his word he never gave it to her. I did, like an idiot.
Anyway a week ago mistake #2 occurs. She's living with her mom again and so is her son. I go over to their house because me and her son we basically hang out. At some point during the evening I fell asleep. About 3am her son wakes me up and asks me where my car is and I tell him it's in the driveway. He says it's not there (panic). She's stolen my car and I'm freaking out furthermore she's taken the $40 dollars I had in my coat pocket. Wait for mistake #3 I forgot my purse in my car (hidden under the passenger seat). Everything I own is in there including my debit card. She cleans out my bank account $300. I was DEVASTATED and so was her son. She'd been lying to him too and he is by far her biggest fan but we're very close. I'm crying hysterically and he's crying for me.
He agrees to take me to find my car, we find it after driving around her favorite spot for about 15 minutes. She's sitting in the car (doing cocaine) and there are two other men in the car with her, one of which was sitting behind the driver's seat of my brand new car! It took everything in me not to reach into that car and rip her heart out of her chest like she did me. How do I explain this to my mother (who gets half my pay check to pay my car note which was due that week). My mom trusted me never to talk to her again not even on a friendship level. I know she'd be even more upset than I was if she knew the truth. So I let her believe I blew $300 in one night. She was hurt and disappointed but not nearly as hysterical as she would have been if she knew the truth. I can't explain how well I know my mother but just take my word for it.
I decided not to press charges for the sake of her son and I know a lot of you will disagree with my decision but I feel I was taught an expensive and invaluable lesson. This is what I deserve for trusting a long-term drug user. This is what I deserve for being so careless and naive but it doesn't make the pain any less and every time I think about it, the wound opens up anew like it just happened yesterday. I know that at the very least you all can understand my pain and I needed so very much to tell someone about it because it's eating me up inside. I fear what I might do if I see her on the street at any given point. I've never been so hurt and enraged in all my life.
Last edited by newblue82; 10-21-2009 at 08:35 AM. Reason: grammar
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Oh gosh New, I'm so sorry. I can hear the pain in your writing and I recognize it. I also hear the devasting betrayal and know it well as do so many of us here.
Don't beat yourself up just walk away from this with the lesson okay. Something good did come out of this. 1. You realized she was a liar, 2. Her son realized that he had also been betrayed and will learn something, 3. You found her, 4. You got your car and property back quickly so it wasn't wrecked, abandoned, stolen (by somebody else) or just plain tore up.
I am one of those that keep going back and keep believing in the impossible and it's hard not to just want to cream myself for all MY bad choices in the name of compassion or love. I alot of ways, we are just as stubborn as they are.
Walk away while you're angry and don't try and rationalize anything that's happened. If you were to bring charges, you would just drag out your dealings with her. There is no justice for relational and emotional betrayal.
Don't beat yourself up just walk away from this with the lesson okay. Something good did come out of this. 1. You realized she was a liar, 2. Her son realized that he had also been betrayed and will learn something, 3. You found her, 4. You got your car and property back quickly so it wasn't wrecked, abandoned, stolen (by somebody else) or just plain tore up.
I am one of those that keep going back and keep believing in the impossible and it's hard not to just want to cream myself for all MY bad choices in the name of compassion or love. I alot of ways, we are just as stubborn as they are.
Walk away while you're angry and don't try and rationalize anything that's happened. If you were to bring charges, you would just drag out your dealings with her. There is no justice for relational and emotional betrayal.
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Thank you, MrsMagoo. What you said was both encouraging and comforting. It's really such a joy to be able to talk to others who've been through this. I find my other friends just don't understand that for the most part both the enabler and the user are addicts just in different ways.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Like you, I learn my lessons the hard way, but once learned I am a little wiser and ready to move ahead.
You can't change what happened. But you can change your direction now that you know how bad it is.
Time to brush yourself off, lick your wounds and decide what you need to do to avoid walking back into the darkness of addiction.
Meetings helped me, helped many of us. Maybe give them a try and see if they help you too.
Hugs
You can't change what happened. But you can change your direction now that you know how bad it is.
Time to brush yourself off, lick your wounds and decide what you need to do to avoid walking back into the darkness of addiction.
Meetings helped me, helped many of us. Maybe give them a try and see if they help you too.
Hugs
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
sorry all of this happened, good to hear from you. lesson learned and you got your car back in tact. could have been a lot worst, i forgot how many cars i've lost to someone elses addiction. what happened happened and you are able to continue to move forward and i think thats a good thing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
The reason why friends and family are common targets for crime is because we usually don't press charges.
Been there too and walked away, so I am not ragging on you.
Sounds like you walked away with a valuable lesson.
How old is the kid? Can you hang together, elsewhere?
Been there too and walked away, so I am not ragging on you.
Sounds like you walked away with a valuable lesson.
How old is the kid? Can you hang together, elsewhere?
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Basically, I figured I wrote her a $340 check to stay out of my life. Trying to turn this negative into a positive. It's getting better and again I'm so thankful to hear from you guys. Her son and I are the same age but the other day I had a talk with him. I told him the only way I can successfully distance myself from her all over again is to keep to myself. I hate to leave him but I know if we stay friends she'll try to wiggle her way back into my life and I don't want to risk that. The betrayal is overwhelming but I'm starting to realize how fortunate I am that things weren't worse.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
I am so sorry that, once again, a good-hearted, trusting person has been taken advantage of.
However, I think once some time has passed you're going to realize that even though it was a costly lesson, it was indeed a stepping stone for your recovery.
Oh how I wish I wouldn't have trusted and re-trusted so many times in my life, but we live through it, and hopefully learn In God We Trust and that's it! Too bad addicts turn us into such suspicious people huh?
I do think you did the right thing breaking off the relationship with the son, as much as it hurts to so. Isn't it sad what we are forced to do.
I'm happy your Mom believed you.
Hugs, Devastated
However, I think once some time has passed you're going to realize that even though it was a costly lesson, it was indeed a stepping stone for your recovery.
Oh how I wish I wouldn't have trusted and re-trusted so many times in my life, but we live through it, and hopefully learn In God We Trust and that's it! Too bad addicts turn us into such suspicious people huh?
I do think you did the right thing breaking off the relationship with the son, as much as it hurts to so. Isn't it sad what we are forced to do.
I'm happy your Mom believed you.
Hugs, Devastated
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
It is a shame that you can't remain friends with your girlfriend's son. He is another casualty unfortunately.
I'm glad you're able to look at your stolen money as a small price to pay for having your eyes really opened to the extent addicts go will take advantage of and victimize the people who love them most. All that matters is getting high and the ruin left in the wake of feeding that addiction is not even remotely important.
Run for your life! You will find someone that can appreciate and reciprocate your compassion and loving nature without taking advantage of you.
I'm glad you're able to look at your stolen money as a small price to pay for having your eyes really opened to the extent addicts go will take advantage of and victimize the people who love them most. All that matters is getting high and the ruin left in the wake of feeding that addiction is not even remotely important.
Run for your life! You will find someone that can appreciate and reciprocate your compassion and loving nature without taking advantage of you.
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Now that's the truth, Devastated. I damn sure don't want to be this person. How can one person warp another so badly that you begin to lose faith in a person's integrity? It may sound cheesy but it's like she's stolen my innocence. Like a little kid who's been told there is no Santa Clause or Easter Bunny. A part of me can see the benefit of being wiser or "street smart" but part of me hates growing up so to speak. And it's such an ugly lesson to learn in such a painful way. I see people differently, I see their potential to hurt me. But I guess that's human nature. Yeah but, no doubt, MrsMagoo I once heard that God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need, to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, so you can become the person you're suppose to be. Don't worry about the people you lose in the past because there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Originally Posted by newblue82 
I once heard that God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need, to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, so you can become the person you're suppose to be. Don't worry about the people you lose in the past because there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Hmmm?
My mom use to say that before we are born we chose what we want to be, i.e., caretaker, rescuer, etc., shoot, I do not remember asking to be a CODIE! I'm sure He misunderstood me at that time.
You sweet thang, you just take care of yourself. Whether you know it or not, you have just taken one big step forward towards recovery!
You're young and have a whole "fun" life ahead of you! Wish it were me knowing what I know now.
Look on the bright side, you learned at an earlier age than most of us!
Hugs, Devastated
p.s. off the subject....Mr. Dev and I were in Louisiana once. We went on a gambling boat that was tied up to the dock. Well, we did some gambling, but we couldn't win a thing. We looked at each other and said, "let's get out of here!" We went outside and found we were in the middle of the water!! Yikes, didn't even feel the boat moving!
Hugs again
You sweet thang, you just take care of yourself. Whether you know it or not, you have just taken one big step forward towards recovery!
You're young and have a whole "fun" life ahead of you! Wish it were me knowing what I know now.
Look on the bright side, you learned at an earlier age than most of us!
Hugs, Devastated
p.s. off the subject....Mr. Dev and I were in Louisiana once. We went on a gambling boat that was tied up to the dock. Well, we did some gambling, but we couldn't win a thing. We looked at each other and said, "let's get out of here!" We went outside and found we were in the middle of the water!! Yikes, didn't even feel the boat moving!
Hugs again
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
LOL... I hear those boats are pretty sweet! Never had the pleasure of being on one though. Louisiana is such a gorgeous state when it comes to the night life and such. Hope you enjoyed yourself.
I agree that I'm seeing things early on. I mean if I could go close to 5 months not talking to her then, there's really no reason why I can't go even longer now and she hadn't done anything nearly as deceptive back then. I just get so much positive feedback from so many people and you guys are great! You're really helping me to put things into perspective and making me see things in a whole new light. I really appreciate that! I missed you guys! LOL
I agree that I'm seeing things early on. I mean if I could go close to 5 months not talking to her then, there's really no reason why I can't go even longer now and she hadn't done anything nearly as deceptive back then. I just get so much positive feedback from so many people and you guys are great! You're really helping me to put things into perspective and making me see things in a whole new light. I really appreciate that! I missed you guys! LOL
Last edited by newblue82; 10-23-2009 at 09:27 PM. Reason: grammar
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Hi Newblue82
I do believe that boat was in St. Charles, NO? yes, we had a great time. We drove from California to Florida that year. Glad we had a great time because, naturally, we came back to complete chaos that lasted for years!
All I can tell you, Newblue82, is this, too, shall pass. And when it does, remember you learned one of life's valuable lessons!
By the way, don't fret, there's always me!! LOL
Hugs, Devastated
All I can tell you, Newblue82, is this, too, shall pass. And when it does, remember you learned one of life's valuable lessons!
By the way, don't fret, there's always me!! LOL
Hugs, Devastated
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