Hopeful Still

I honestly thought I was trapped in a nightmare that was just too complicated to free myself from. Married to an alcoholic who is also addicted to prescription pain killers who lies, steals, cheats, and deceives over and over and over. Job loss after job loss after job loss. Waiting and waiting for things to "get better." Worrying about my two kids and how to do what is best for them.

I was finally strong enough to stand up and do what is best for them and for me as well. I left. I moved into an apartment with my kids on a salary that wasn't meant for a single mom with two kids while I wait for my soon-to-be-ex- AH to "give me what he can," which means after he has gotten his drugs and bought his alcohol, he'll share what he has left. I am struggling, worrying about money constantly, borrowing from my parents, and I am sick about it.

But I did it. I left. I am moving on with my life. I decided that enough is enough. I will never ride his rollercoaster and "wait for things to get better." Things will never get better with him driving the bus. My only hope is that he gets the help he needs so that he will learn to love himself and stop self-medicating his bipolar disorder with alcohol and pills. Maybe things could get better for him in his relationship with his children. But things will never get better between him and me. I am done. I have washed my hands of him. I will not allow him to break my heart anymore.

So I sit here in my apartment. My kids are in bed, and I am contemplating how my life will go from here. It will take time, but I will heal. It will take time, but hopefully I will learn to trust again. It will take time, but perhaps I will find love again ... this time an honest love that isn't based on lies and selfishness.

I did it. And so can you. It may take you one more week, one more month, or one more year. But you can do it. You will know when you have had enough and when it is time for you to get off the rollercoaster. I did it. If it's what you want, you can do it too.

bookwyrm

Jadmack25

Congratulations on reclaiming yourself and your life from another persons handling.
Now I wish you a happy, healthy and love filled future and that all you wish for yourself and your children will come true for you.

God bless

Hopeful Still

I appreciate the encouraging words. As many of you know, the process of divorce and separation is a rollercoaster in and of itself without the disease of addiction complicating matters further! I have my ups and downs, but support and love from others makes it easier to deal with! God bless all of you!!!

Cowgirl1265

Kudos to you for taking hold of your life and your destiny! I think we all know the rollercoaster you speak of. Enjoy your serenity, it is well deserved.

Dwo18702

You are my hero! I wish I had the stregnth to what you did 25 years ago!

JMFburns

Hopefull Still,

Congrats, I know it isn't easy but you took the first step and I believe you will keep stepping forward.

I don't know where you live, but seek out and use whatever help is available . . . food shelves, Loaves & Fishes, whatever. Don't be worried or ashamed, you're working to take care of yourself and your kids and it might be difficult for a while. Best of luck to you.

Startingover2

Very inspiring. I am in the same situation and although things are still hard because we have a child together...I know we are sooooooo much better off.

suki44883

These lyrics from The Eagles song Already Gone have meant a lot to me in many different scenarios...

So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key

No one says it will be easy, but it can be done. You are solid proof of that.

Congratulations!

Hopeful Still

Living with addiction really is like living with chains. It is so very hard to find the key to unlock them. Just have faith that you will find the key you need when the time is right for you! The addict cannot change until the time is right for them; we cannot break free from the chains of their disease until we are ready, either. God bless all.

Cucumber2Pickle

This is such a wonderful thing to hear right now. Im literally just now leaving my alcohalic boyfriend and all I can think of is...how am I going to make it through this? Your words have helped me . Thank you

Hopeful Still

I remember reading posts on this website and thinking, "How will I ever get out of this nightmare?" Cucumber, you will be fine. I will be, too. I'm scared to death right now ... I won't lie. But at the same time I feel empowered. I am in charge of my own destiny now. Not riding his bus anymore! (His bus sucks!!!)

Love,
Becky

NewMe11109

Awesome post. A real inspiration!

grateful2b

Becky..very inspiring..thank you and blessings for you and your family...