Oh the dirty secrets...
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Oh the dirty secrets...
Lately, as my separation from my STBX progresses, all sorts of dirty secrets have come to light making me feel excessively icky and weirded out.
I found out today in a conversation with my parents that over a year ago, my STBX had gone to their house after a job interview in the area, and opened a bottle of 18 year old whiskey my father was saving for a business associate of his. STBX proceeded to polish off most of the booze and told my mother to let my father know that he'd opened the bottle.
I was also told that while we visited from Toronto, STBX hid bottles of Jack Daniels in my parents' closet, so he could sneak booze in. I had no clue...
My father then admitted to me that he'd thought of purchasing a gun and shooting my STBX just so I could be free of him. Geez.
I thought I'd hit the drama quota for the day, but nooooo...
Later today, I find out while in conversation with STBX's mother (who lives in Vegas) that the entire story STBX had told me, about how his dad wasn't really his dad, was all hogwash. When we met, STBX told me that his mother had had an affair with some French politician but that we couldn't talk about it with her because she was "too fragile" and that the rest of the family didn't know so we couldn't mention it to them either. How convenient.
He'd also told me his mom had been a world-renowed neurosurgeon, and that his sister was a award-winning cardiologist. Also false. They're both nurses!
He'd told me that he had a brother named Misha who died when he was young, and that his mother was so distraught over it that we couldn't mention it to her....False!
He'd told me that he had robbed a bank and had been some superstar criminal that the FBI had finally caught, and this is why he had to change his name. I've heard him tell his son over and over about how even though he was a super smart criminal, he finally got caught, which that goes to show you that everyone gets caught, so don't break the law...blah blah blah. All FALSE!
Also, he neglected to tell me that I was not in fact his FIRST wife, but his second....I've just seen pictures of his first wedding when he was 19, in some big church with the bride wearing a big white gown, etc etc.
Honestly now. :wtf2 Who does this sort of stuff? I'm just sitting here somewhat stunned. I mean, when I meet someone, I don't automatically start questioning everything the person says and I don't ask someone "Are you a lying schizophrenic?".
I...have no more words.
I found out today in a conversation with my parents that over a year ago, my STBX had gone to their house after a job interview in the area, and opened a bottle of 18 year old whiskey my father was saving for a business associate of his. STBX proceeded to polish off most of the booze and told my mother to let my father know that he'd opened the bottle.
I was also told that while we visited from Toronto, STBX hid bottles of Jack Daniels in my parents' closet, so he could sneak booze in. I had no clue...My father then admitted to me that he'd thought of purchasing a gun and shooting my STBX just so I could be free of him. Geez.
I thought I'd hit the drama quota for the day, but nooooo...
Later today, I find out while in conversation with STBX's mother (who lives in Vegas) that the entire story STBX had told me, about how his dad wasn't really his dad, was all hogwash. When we met, STBX told me that his mother had had an affair with some French politician but that we couldn't talk about it with her because she was "too fragile" and that the rest of the family didn't know so we couldn't mention it to them either. How convenient.
He'd also told me his mom had been a world-renowed neurosurgeon, and that his sister was a award-winning cardiologist. Also false. They're both nurses!
He'd told me that he had a brother named Misha who died when he was young, and that his mother was so distraught over it that we couldn't mention it to her....False!
He'd told me that he had robbed a bank and had been some superstar criminal that the FBI had finally caught, and this is why he had to change his name. I've heard him tell his son over and over about how even though he was a super smart criminal, he finally got caught, which that goes to show you that everyone gets caught, so don't break the law...blah blah blah. All FALSE!
Also, he neglected to tell me that I was not in fact his FIRST wife, but his second....I've just seen pictures of his first wedding when he was 19, in some big church with the bride wearing a big white gown, etc etc.
Honestly now. :wtf2 Who does this sort of stuff? I'm just sitting here somewhat stunned. I mean, when I meet someone, I don't automatically start questioning everything the person says and I don't ask someone "Are you a lying schizophrenic?".
I...have no more words.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
My axw told similar tall tales, always about some obscure relative, never really about her self. Stuff like "there are a lot of medical professionals in my family".......her mom the hypo has had lots of surgeries. Does that qualify?
I think it's incredibly lowwwwwwww self esteem. Not that that makes it any less damaging or bazaar.
Oh well, soon it will just be a bad memory.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
I think it's incredibly lowwwwwwww self esteem. Not that that makes it any less damaging or bazaar.
Oh well, soon it will just be a bad memory.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Originally Posted by imtheidiot 
Honestly now. :wtf2 Who does this sort of stuff? I'm just sitting here somewhat stunned. I mean, when I meet someone, I don't automatically start questioning everything the person says and I don't ask someone "Are you a lying schizophrenic?".
I...have no more words.
I...have no more words.
This man suffers from a personality disorder.
I will tell you how my little old German mother tells me..... "You better find out who you are dating... if that means you have to snoop to find out... then do it."
Of course, she isn't saying be some detective and going overboard with it.. but to be cautious and be more aware of those red flags. If a man says don't talk to my family about yada, yada, more than likely he's a manipulative pig that is lying.
This is truly horrible and I'm sorry you had to go through this experience.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Wow!! And you call yourself imtheidiot for what? Believing his stories at first?
Trust me, you are not an idiot, as your ex is a master as a liar and has probably fooled many, many people with his c**p.
Hearing these things from your parents must have been a shock, but reading your past posts nothing they said should be surprising.
Thank God you are separated and you are cutting loose from him because he is certainly a pathological liar, and has caused you enough pain already.
Don't kick yourself over his past behavior and way out lies, but make sure you have all the necessary legal stuff sorted, and let your attorney know of the above lies, and the acts he did at your parents place.
Hope you are out of this wacky situation very soon.
God bless
Trust me, you are not an idiot, as your ex is a master as a liar and has probably fooled many, many people with his c**p.
Hearing these things from your parents must have been a shock, but reading your past posts nothing they said should be surprising.
Thank God you are separated and you are cutting loose from him because he is certainly a pathological liar, and has caused you enough pain already.
Don't kick yourself over his past behavior and way out lies, but make sure you have all the necessary legal stuff sorted, and let your attorney know of the above lies, and the acts he did at your parents place.
Hope you are out of this wacky situation very soon.
God bless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by Jadmack25
Wow!! And you call yourself imtheidiot for what? Believing his stories at first?
Trust me, you are not an idiot, as your ex is a master as a liar and has probably fooled many, many people with his c**p.
Don't kick yourself over his past behavior and way out lies, but make sure you have all the necessary legal stuff sorted, and let your attorney know of the above lies, and the acts he did at your parents place.
Trust me, you are not an idiot, as your ex is a master as a liar and has probably fooled many, many people with his c**p.
Don't kick yourself over his past behavior and way out lies, but make sure you have all the necessary legal stuff sorted, and let your attorney know of the above lies, and the acts he did at your parents place.
What gets me right now is that when I see him or speak to him, he looks and acts completely normal, and yet I KNOW things about him that are just plain madness. It's insidious this way, because he plays the "I'm normal" card perfectly...If he was frothing at the mouth and slamming his head on the floor it would be easier to accept that there's something wrong with him, much like with his drinking. It's not the falling over drunk kind of alcoholism; it's the highly functional kind that's much more easily disproved and argued away.
This has caused me so much inner ICK that I've decided to move out ahead of schedule, despite the extra cost I'll have to absorb. I've told him as much and he actually said he agreed because he apparently still loves me, wants me and finds me hot, so it's better that I leave early. Of course, he'll still expect me to pay my half of rent and utilities (but not food) for that month. Nice huh?
I just really need to get away from this.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Quote
((Of course, he'll still expect me to pay my half of rent and utilities (but not food) for that month. Nice huh?)))
No, not nice but understandable coming from him.
I would move out, and NOT pay a damn thing that he "expects", after all you expected him to be honest, trustworthy and faithful and he sure wasn't any of them.
It is hearing about HIS insane behavior that has upset you enough to have to move out now, and that causes you a lot of unexpected inconvenience and money, so I would not pay him a cent.
Hope you get peace and calm from now on.
God bless
((Of course, he'll still expect me to pay my half of rent and utilities (but not food) for that month. Nice huh?)))No, not nice but understandable coming from him.
I would move out, and NOT pay a damn thing that he "expects", after all you expected him to be honest, trustworthy and faithful and he sure wasn't any of them.
It is hearing about HIS insane behavior that has upset you enough to have to move out now, and that causes you a lot of unexpected inconvenience and money, so I would not pay him a cent.
Hope you get peace and calm from now on.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Alcoholism can lead to delusional/lying behavior; grandiosity, grandiosity of others.
I heard of one guy that stormed sunday parisioners in churches and proclaimed he was Jesus and is back on earth. If he believed it then call it "delusion" if it were a lie, than call it par for the course alcoholism.
I heard of one guy that stormed sunday parisioners in churches and proclaimed he was Jesus and is back on earth. If he believed it then call it "delusion" if it were a lie, than call it par for the course alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
imtheidiot - Seriously, you and I could spend all night comparing stories! You are so NOT alone!! I spent 3 years with a guy like this and stayed anyway!!....because I thought I could FIX him!! LOL!! How is that for idiocy?? You're doing just fine. But I know how it feels...kinda this nauseous-punch-in-the-stomach-can't-catch-my-breath feeling? Yeah. Been there.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by Jadmack25
Quote((Of course, he'll still expect me to pay my half of rent and utilities (but not food) for that month. Nice huh?)))
No, not nice but understandable coming from him.
I would move out, and NOT pay a damn thing that he "expects", after all you expected him to be honest, trustworthy and faithful and he sure wasn't any of them.
It is hearing about HIS insane behavior that has upset you enough to have to move out now, and that causes you a lot of unexpected inconvenience and money, so I would not pay him a cent.
Hope you get peace and calm from now on.
God bless
((Of course, he'll still expect me to pay my half of rent and utilities (but not food) for that month. Nice huh?)))No, not nice but understandable coming from him.
I would move out, and NOT pay a damn thing that he "expects", after all you expected him to be honest, trustworthy and faithful and he sure wasn't any of them.
It is hearing about HIS insane behavior that has upset you enough to have to move out now, and that causes you a lot of unexpected inconvenience and money, so I would not pay him a cent.
Hope you get peace and calm from now on.
God bless
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
He- can I wish y'all the best...
Can't imagine what it must be like to date one of us (addicts). And yet I have... seems a lifetime ago, when my man and me were a factor on the local scene, and our presence was most likely determined by free bottles (and no, we ain't talking wine...).
I figure there's a separate heaven for the wives/husbands... But don't get me wrong, y'all oughtta take care of y'all selves first and foremost, & that's what I truly believe... for starters ain't nobody any good if they're not taking care of themselves first. And I'm not no codie expert (he- the word means codefendant to me I swear) but how can you do for others if you don't understand what's going on with you...
Just a bunch of thoughts from the mind of a second generation alcoholic/guardian of a young drug addict. Yeah, codie people, I figure y'all'll jump on me... just outta mercy let me stand over here first, if y'all'll please...
Can't imagine what it must be like to date one of us (addicts). And yet I have... seems a lifetime ago, when my man and me were a factor on the local scene, and our presence was most likely determined by free bottles (and no, we ain't talking wine...).
I figure there's a separate heaven for the wives/husbands... But don't get me wrong, y'all oughtta take care of y'all selves first and foremost, & that's what I truly believe... for starters ain't nobody any good if they're not taking care of themselves first. And I'm not no codie expert (he- the word means codefendant to me I swear) but how can you do for others if you don't understand what's going on with you...
Just a bunch of thoughts from the mind of a second generation alcoholic/guardian of a young drug addict. Yeah, codie people, I figure y'all'll jump on me... just outta mercy let me stand over here first, if y'all'll please...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I just really need to get away from this.
You will be so much happier with this ICK behind you. You didn't create this: you wanted to believe he was a good person. So he isn't. It isn't a reflection on you. Lesson learned...you can scrape that ick off your shoe soles with a stick and move on.
I remember my ex telling me he thought I was still "hot." I thought I was going to vomit.
Hang in there, lady. Can't wait 'til we can talk you into changing your name. You're no idiot...you just wanted to believe something that didn't turn out to be true. It's not fatal and in fact will make you stronger once you've put him far, far in your rear view mirror.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wild West, USA
Posts: 407
Originally Posted by MissFixit
Of course he seems normal. How would he fool anyone if he seemed crazy?
When some false accusations blew up in her face, and she was removed from our dorm floor, this girl's mother had this to say to a former roommate: "Dee likes to create chaos." Yeah.
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