Chenowth

I have been hauling around AD's clothes and stuff in the back of my car for three plus weeks waiting for her to call to arrange a time to pick them up.

On my way home yesterday, I drove past a Salvation Army donation truck in the parking lot of a grocery store.

I realized that I had not gotten rid of her clothes before (as I had threatened) because I was hanging on to them to have some measure of control over her.

If I have her clothes then she will have to call me. The reality is that she is not going to call.

I flipped a u-turn and drove back to the truck and donated them.

This morning I woke up feeling lighter, and less burdened.

I feel one step closer to knowing that I REALLY have the ablily to be less of a control freak and enabler.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, insights, advice and prayers, without which I would not have been able to this.

ItsmeAlice

That's awesome!!! They say let go or be dragged...you've been hanging on via those clothes for a while now and you finally released your grip and that's wonderful!

Do something special for yourself to celebrate a job well done!!

Alice

Ann

That was a kind thing to do, for yourself, for the Salvation Army and for your daughter too as it will show her that the world will not wait for her. If she really needs clothes, she can go to the Salvation Army and they will provide some for her...funny how that goes full circle, and bless the Salvation Army for doing all they do.

Big hugs because I know that took courage.

Chenowth

Yep...I released my grip and didn't fall to my death! What a concept! I will have to do it again!

The best part is that Salvation Army has great programs and that it will help someone else makes me smile.

URMYEVERYTHING

I had the similiar experience when I had to kick RABF out of the house. I told him that night that if he didn't get everything, some things were being thrown out and some things were being donated. I stuck to it and did it the very next day. That was 60 days ago... he's still in rehab. He asked me 1 or 2 times for something and I simply told him he had his opportunity to get it when I told him. I'm not a storage facility for his belongings on when he feels he's ready to get them.

Good for you... I can completely relate to the feeling of burden being lifted.

marle

When my daughter was active, she had many clothes in a storage unit along with a lot of other sentimental things. Her boyfriend did not pay the rent and she lost everything. She also left what little she had left at a motel that she and bf did not pay rent at and when they left in the middle of the night, she also lost those things. When she went to rehab all she had left was a garbage bag of clothes that smelled like oil because they were in the trunk of his old car. I so wanted to pay the rent on the storage and get her good things, but I let it go. She picked up some nice things at the Salvation Army to wear while she was living at the halfway house and when she came home and got a job she slowly replaced some of the clothes she had lost. It was a lesson for her. She told me that it didn't bother her as much as it bothered me until she got clean. But it will live on in her memory and maybe be the thing that stops her from picking up again. You just never know. Hugs, Marle

URMYEVERYTHING

This is the key phrase on dealing with addicts.... throwing out their things and/or holding on to them is more so for us and the struggle we are having within us to let this person go. My RABF said the same thing. He didn't care about his clothes and belongings when he left and he wasn't angry with me when I made the decision to throw/donate them as well. He's recovering now and slowly getting his clothes and belongings built back up.