Do.I.call.about.bills?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Do.I.call.about.bills?
Good morning all!
My AH has been gone since last Thursday. Not even a week. His Discover card is due tomorrow the 21st. Car insurance is due and the cellphone. I refuse to pay for his discover as everthing he charged is his. I'm not going to pay his insurance as he is not living at home. and the cellphone the same thing.
I need to contact him today about the discover card and other bills and child support.
Do I call him? What do I say?
Do I text him? What do I say in the text? I don't want to be that money is all I care about.
The truck is in my name so if he doesn't want to pay the insurance I will just call the cops and report it stolen. I'll tell him that I will report it stolen before I actually do it to give him a chance to give me the plates and I'll give him a bill of sale. I told him I want the plates of it and I will sell him the truck for $1. The Discover is in his name only and I don't have a problem not paying it. It would be his credit but i want to give him the chance to pay it. The cellphone - He still needs to pay his portion of the bill as I'm not going support his phone. If he doesn't pay, I'm glad his contract is up in December so I can just cancel his phone. Child support will be tough - he works under the table so I don't think I can go to court. How can I prove he is working.
I think my head is heading towards the right direction. Looking ahead to see what i have to do.
He probably isn't ready to talk to me yet. That's okay but i need to know about these bills and what he wants to do with them. Most likely he drank the money away but that's his problem.
Does anyone have any experience or advice about how to handle this?
Thanks so much!
My AH has been gone since last Thursday. Not even a week. His Discover card is due tomorrow the 21st. Car insurance is due and the cellphone. I refuse to pay for his discover as everthing he charged is his. I'm not going to pay his insurance as he is not living at home. and the cellphone the same thing.
I need to contact him today about the discover card and other bills and child support.
Do I call him? What do I say?
Do I text him? What do I say in the text? I don't want to be that money is all I care about.
The truck is in my name so if he doesn't want to pay the insurance I will just call the cops and report it stolen. I'll tell him that I will report it stolen before I actually do it to give him a chance to give me the plates and I'll give him a bill of sale. I told him I want the plates of it and I will sell him the truck for $1. The Discover is in his name only and I don't have a problem not paying it. It would be his credit but i want to give him the chance to pay it. The cellphone - He still needs to pay his portion of the bill as I'm not going support his phone. If he doesn't pay, I'm glad his contract is up in December so I can just cancel his phone. Child support will be tough - he works under the table so I don't think I can go to court. How can I prove he is working.
I think my head is heading towards the right direction. Looking ahead to see what i have to do.
He probably isn't ready to talk to me yet. That's okay but i need to know about these bills and what he wants to do with them. Most likely he drank the money away but that's his problem.
Does anyone have any experience or advice about how to handle this?
Thanks so much!
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
With the most respect I can muster, please stop looking for reasons to contact him. You have already gone thru the list of things you think you need to talk to him about, and decided what to do if he blows it off. Paying bills is part of being a grown up. The consequences of not paying bills is also part of being a grown up, albeit an irresponsible one. You are not his mother, or his financial consultant.. Just take care of you.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
In my situation, the first month of seperation - I paid the bills as usual. He put his money into the joint account and I paid the bills as they were due.
After the first month of seperation, I took him his bills. I dropped them off at his place of work.
At that stage of our seperation, I sought legal council.
IMHO, if you are newly seperated and giving each other space; then you continue to pay your family bills out of your family account. Until you have legally seperated, the financial secretary of the family keeps her role as the bill payer (as long as both parties are contributing to the family budget).
Some members of this forum have given their partners deadlines for seperating cell phone accounts, car insurance, titles, etc....If they refuse to seperate accounts, then you contact your provider and have them terminated.
Mine gave me plenty of time after our divorce to get my own car insurance and cell phone plan. We tried to conduct ourselves as business managers ending a business deal. Very civil and businesslike. A lawyer helps you understand your rights.
After the first month of seperation, I took him his bills. I dropped them off at his place of work.
At that stage of our seperation, I sought legal council.
IMHO, if you are newly seperated and giving each other space; then you continue to pay your family bills out of your family account. Until you have legally seperated, the financial secretary of the family keeps her role as the bill payer (as long as both parties are contributing to the family budget).
Some members of this forum have given their partners deadlines for seperating cell phone accounts, car insurance, titles, etc....If they refuse to seperate accounts, then you contact your provider and have them terminated.
Mine gave me plenty of time after our divorce to get my own car insurance and cell phone plan. We tried to conduct ourselves as business managers ending a business deal. Very civil and businesslike. A lawyer helps you understand your rights.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
I really don't mind paying the bills if I had the money. The only ones I'm concerned about are the cellphone, his credit card and the car insurance. If I pay these then I honestly can't put food on the table and put gas in the car to get to work. Without him giving me money I cannot afford to pay them. I've always paid them because when he lived here he would give me money the weeks he worked so everything would be paid up. Without that money I can't pay those three bills. That's $250 that I don't have to put out.
This is not a reason to contact him. I'm thinking of feeding the kids and getting to work to pay the mortgage. If these bills weren't due then I wouldn't try to contact him till he's ready to contact me. He hasn't talked with me about anything since he left I don't know what the game plan is. I cannot pay the cellphone because all cellphones will be turned off. If I don't pay the insurance then my insurance on my car will be cancelled so I know the consequences about them needing to be paid. We don't have a house phone so I can't cancel cellphone plan. But if he doesn't give me money to pay those two or three then I have no money for food or gas. And money is very tight now that he is not here. We have no money in savings so what to do. I probably will call him about it because I need to get to work and feed the kids.
He is not contributing to the family account nor has he given me money to help with the kids. I don't think it's fair he gets away scot free and I'm stuck with all the bills. I can handle the house and normal bills but if he isn't living here then I shouldn't have to pay the insurance, part of the cellphone that is his and his credit cards. Now I'm ready to cry because honestly I don't know what to do about it.
How can we make an agreement if he won't talk with me? He blames me for his drinking for 20 years still till this day and he's out spending his money on booze and driving my truck that's insured. The truck is in my name. God forbid he does a hit and run while drunk and they come after me because it's in my name. How am I going to prove I wasn't driving. I already told him that if he is to not come back as he was packing that I need the plates of the truck and I'll give him a bill of sale for him to register and insure it.
I'm not a vindictive person and don't want to do anything mean to him or hurt him. Yes, i have checked who he's called but other than that I have done nothing to him.
Wouldn't you try and feed your kids over paying someone's bills that aren't living with you anymore? He never took responsibility before so I guess why should he now.
I guess I answered my own question and make the call or text and ask him for the money to pay them.
This is not a reason to contact him. I'm thinking of feeding the kids and getting to work to pay the mortgage. If these bills weren't due then I wouldn't try to contact him till he's ready to contact me. He hasn't talked with me about anything since he left I don't know what the game plan is. I cannot pay the cellphone because all cellphones will be turned off. If I don't pay the insurance then my insurance on my car will be cancelled so I know the consequences about them needing to be paid. We don't have a house phone so I can't cancel cellphone plan. But if he doesn't give me money to pay those two or three then I have no money for food or gas. And money is very tight now that he is not here. We have no money in savings so what to do. I probably will call him about it because I need to get to work and feed the kids.
He is not contributing to the family account nor has he given me money to help with the kids. I don't think it's fair he gets away scot free and I'm stuck with all the bills. I can handle the house and normal bills but if he isn't living here then I shouldn't have to pay the insurance, part of the cellphone that is his and his credit cards. Now I'm ready to cry because honestly I don't know what to do about it.
How can we make an agreement if he won't talk with me? He blames me for his drinking for 20 years still till this day and he's out spending his money on booze and driving my truck that's insured. The truck is in my name. God forbid he does a hit and run while drunk and they come after me because it's in my name. How am I going to prove I wasn't driving. I already told him that if he is to not come back as he was packing that I need the plates of the truck and I'll give him a bill of sale for him to register and insure it.
I'm not a vindictive person and don't want to do anything mean to him or hurt him. Yes, i have checked who he's called but other than that I have done nothing to him.
Wouldn't you try and feed your kids over paying someone's bills that aren't living with you anymore? He never took responsibility before so I guess why should he now.
I guess I answered my own question and make the call or text and ask him for the money to pay them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
dear smaked
I'm not making excuses to contact with him. when i post here it helps me not call him. This is a legitimate reason to call him. I'm not calling him to beg him to come home. I'm not calling him begging him to quit drinking. I'm going to contact him because I know the kids need to eat and I'm not having him taking advantage of me even when he's not living here. He took me for granted when he was living here while drinking and not working everyday but not anymore. I think he took it as a free ride. Well the free ride ended when he chose to drink instead of stoppng drinking and being with his family. Sorry but I know I would pay what i needed to if i were the one to leave. I'm not taking care of him anymore so, no, this is not an excuse to talk with him. I'd rather not talk with him right now even though i get the urges. what's that going to accomplish until he's ready to talk. nothing.
I'm not making excuses to contact with him. when i post here it helps me not call him. This is a legitimate reason to call him. I'm not calling him to beg him to come home. I'm not calling him begging him to quit drinking. I'm going to contact him because I know the kids need to eat and I'm not having him taking advantage of me even when he's not living here. He took me for granted when he was living here while drinking and not working everyday but not anymore. I think he took it as a free ride. Well the free ride ended when he chose to drink instead of stoppng drinking and being with his family. Sorry but I know I would pay what i needed to if i were the one to leave. I'm not taking care of him anymore so, no, this is not an excuse to talk with him. I'd rather not talk with him right now even though i get the urges. what's that going to accomplish until he's ready to talk. nothing.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Yes, minimal contact is necessary. You need to give him notice.
A simple business text:
Your cellphone is due. Your insurance is due. Your discover bill is due. I need __________dollars to have these paid by Friday.
If you don't get any money, then you won't have any money to pay his bills. End of crisis.
You do need legal council concerning the vehicle. That is why I sought a lawyers advice. My A was still driving drunk. I did not want to be attached to the legal fall out from a DUI or vehicular homicide if he was driving a vehicle in our names.
A simple business text:
Your cellphone is due. Your insurance is due. Your discover bill is due. I need __________dollars to have these paid by Friday.
If you don't get any money, then you won't have any money to pay his bills. End of crisis.
You do need legal council concerning the vehicle. That is why I sought a lawyers advice. My A was still driving drunk. I did not want to be attached to the legal fall out from a DUI or vehicular homicide if he was driving a vehicle in our names.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
In the future when the Discover bill comes, do not open it and write "no longer at this address" on the envelope and put it back out for the mailman to take. It's in his name - he doesn't live there - let him handle it.
As long as your name is on the truck you are liable. I worry about worse than a hit and run - if he injures (or kills) someone, they can sue you. I think you need to contact a lawyer to get some advice about how to handle that part of it.
Separation/divorce from an active alcoholic is not going to be easy and you'll probably end up with some marks on your credit as well, but as long as you keep taking the next right step forward, it will work out. Maybe get yourself a new separate cell phone plan and cancel the old one - will there be penalties, yep, but that could be one of things that you have to do to break the connection.
Just some thoughts. Good luck.
As long as your name is on the truck you are liable. I worry about worse than a hit and run - if he injures (or kills) someone, they can sue you. I think you need to contact a lawyer to get some advice about how to handle that part of it.
Separation/divorce from an active alcoholic is not going to be easy and you'll probably end up with some marks on your credit as well, but as long as you keep taking the next right step forward, it will work out. Maybe get yourself a new separate cell phone plan and cancel the old one - will there be penalties, yep, but that could be one of things that you have to do to break the connection.
Just some thoughts. Good luck.
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