justsomegirl

I posted this in the wrong catagory originally....



Its been a while since I have been here...I find I come here when I am feeling lonely. My husband is doing really well these days and i find I am the one who is now not doing so well. I drink more and more often and just tonight I actually rumaged around the house looking for any alcohal or drugs. I am NOT a drug user. I was out of wine and wanted something to numb me...to make me go to bed for the night. I was looking for weed, nothing hard core but I shocked myself when I stopped and realized what I was doing.

I did buy Codependant no more...great book. I also started a journal as so many people suggested. I wonder if this has happened to others...once my hausband got his act together, I stopped worrying about him and started looking at me...at what I have been through and how I feel and it sucks! My life sucks. He has gone back to University making all kinds of new fancy University friends and he has no time for me...i think he has forgotten all about me. Geezz... I am still whining!!! I think he was right...I can never be happy. I think I might be in a slump, possibly hormaonal. Hopefully this passes and I am embarresed for myself in the morning. Thanks for letting me vent!

ItsmeAlice

This will pass but try not to be embarrassed about it. At some point in time you hit the anger portion of the greiving process and you feel it well up in different ways. I still find myself feeling bitter on occasion that my EX seemed to walk away with his life and happy drinking life intact, and I've struggled since we split. I try not to dwell on the feeling, but I don't beat myself up over it.

In the end I have to focus on what I have and the goals I have for my life. I think the only way to make that bitter feeling go away is to be happy in my own skin. I'm working on it.

Hang in there!!

Alice

Daisy30

You are off to a good start reading co-dependent no more. You may want to try and go to some al-anon meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps.

Free108

justsomegirl, from what I understand, what you're going through is not unusual, so don't be embarrassed! Be kind to yourself and try to do something every day that's all about you and your future. I know, easier said than done some days. Since my abf left, I've also had to look at myself instead of being so focused on him and I'm quite horrified, to be quite honest, but also trying to be nice to myself. But I suppose that this has to be the start of something good for me - you know, people are always talking about the benefits of hitting rock bottom!

ItsmeAlice, my ex has also walked away with his happy drinking life intact, and I'm struggling too. It's a hard pill to swallow.

Daisy30

I am not an A, but I am sure these two things are contrary

veryregretful

My AH left last Thursday with his clothes and blaming me, blah, blah, blah. I hope I didn't hijack this thread but when does the sadness, crying, missing him end and is the next step for my feelings anger. I think I can deal with anger easier than the crying, missing him moments. Thank you

incitingsilence

Yep familiar justsomegirl...
But then you are more than just some girl...find that for you

I learned pretty quick there wasn’t going to be any control. It didn’t take long either for me to see that as I was so hell bent on finding my husband help that I needed it.
God I used his using so well not to have to look in my own mirror.

For whatever the reason I starting using not to long after he stopped ( well the first time ) Actually is was like breathing again for the first time…

I had resentment that drove me in some ways….and damn while others are…
Well lets see most get angry when the ones they love use, mostly for reason that make sense to them, be it what they take as personal which isn’t…or the fear driven death of…but me yeah I was worried, I knew my husband thrived in the extreme, but I was more so pissed with that look of high on his face, and damn I! I know that look and I can so be there…just give me a minute…

I had a past I swore I learned from but it seems I didn’t quite remember all the bad…and then when I did, but not in terms of the lessons I had, I used that as fuel…

I know I up and stopped drugs one day, just stopped that is it for reason that in the moment made sense …I never though did heal from then and so a lot of the path I took makes total sense to me from my reactions to the using to the choices I made…Especially now since I did the work, and found all the why’s and how’s of me…

Journaling was my biggest tool, maybe my only one except for the boundaries I set…
In the words I found I could surely write of the same pain over and over and even better in so many different ways. I started looking for the repeat, and the contradictions. I tend to like the way the words to paper become real and much more permanent….One big tip with journaling, never ever erase anything you write, be open and honest because in the end if you aren’t you hurt you the most.

Just keep working on you. Find your hows and whys and free yourself. It isn’t uncommon in stressful situations to want to seek out an escape, but there are much more healthier ways and the fact that you ran to alcohol and are looking for a buzz in what you said of nothing hard core…well damn is that really normal cause think about it high is high…

Be good to you!


And to very regretful well it will all end when you allow it to. It tends to only work that way. So maybe switch up your thinking from when will it end, to what you can do as the work on you that will help it to end...