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Join Date: Oct 2009
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information needed
i am 22 years l and have a step dad who is in the hospital because his spleen ruptured and comes to find out he needs to quit drinking as he came to the hospital at 4 am and he had a blood alcohol level of .31. so at this point his family and us are all talking about how he need to go through rehab and are nervous that he isn't going to want to get the help that he needs. I'm scared and confused and would like some insight of what to expect and how to handle things. I am a very defensive person and i know that i will want to defend myself in everything that he tries to do and i want to help and not make the situation worse. Please help thank you any advise or information is appreciated. 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Keep it simple dodge!
Remember, he does have the right to decide for himself if he wants rehab or not.
All you have to decide is how to take care of yourself. I have 3 A brothers -- one of them had a serious hospitalization after a drunken fight. While he was in the hospital, the social worker had a chat w/ him abut alcoholism. Boy that made him angry. I had a chat- well no, I guess I just said "I'm really worried about you, I love you and I'd love to see you get yourself into AA or get some kind of help." Oooh boy was he pissed at me! That was pretty much the end of the visit. he continued to drink for going on 24 years....after his second DUI he has been making some progress in AA, but he's also relapsed a few times so..........all that to say:
You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.
I found it very hard to accept that my brother made the choices he did and I caused myself a lot of pain and used up a lot of valuable energy that would have been better sepnt on myself and my own problems!
You can lovingly share your concern, and offer him whatever alternatives you and your family can offer him and tell him you love him and that you sincrely hope he chooses recovery...and then you have to let it go and try to manage your expectations. he will do what he will do, and it will be a long struggle for him that he has to commit to, no one can do it for him.
When you say defend yourself in everything he tries to do what do you mean? Will he try to come live with you but not choose recovery? Just say what you are willing to do do to help. Like, I will drive you to AA meetings, if you need a ride."
And then just be very clear in your mind about what you are willing to do because you don't want to enable his disease by giving him a crash pad where he continues to drink, or lending him money, etc....
peace-
b
Remember, he does have the right to decide for himself if he wants rehab or not.
All you have to decide is how to take care of yourself. I have 3 A brothers -- one of them had a serious hospitalization after a drunken fight. While he was in the hospital, the social worker had a chat w/ him abut alcoholism. Boy that made him angry. I had a chat- well no, I guess I just said "I'm really worried about you, I love you and I'd love to see you get yourself into AA or get some kind of help." Oooh boy was he pissed at me! That was pretty much the end of the visit. he continued to drink for going on 24 years....after his second DUI he has been making some progress in AA, but he's also relapsed a few times so..........all that to say:
You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.
I found it very hard to accept that my brother made the choices he did and I caused myself a lot of pain and used up a lot of valuable energy that would have been better sepnt on myself and my own problems!
You can lovingly share your concern, and offer him whatever alternatives you and your family can offer him and tell him you love him and that you sincrely hope he chooses recovery...and then you have to let it go and try to manage your expectations. he will do what he will do, and it will be a long struggle for him that he has to commit to, no one can do it for him.
When you say defend yourself in everything he tries to do what do you mean? Will he try to come live with you but not choose recovery? Just say what you are willing to do do to help. Like, I will drive you to AA meetings, if you need a ride."
And then just be very clear in your mind about what you are willing to do because you don't want to enable his disease by giving him a crash pad where he continues to drink, or lending him money, etc....
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
It sounds like he needs a medically supervised detox to start off with. Encourage him to speak with his doctors on the best route to go and offer him support by letting him know that you will support him if he chooses recovery.
My personal opinion is this.... he should be in control over what treatment is best for him. Let him be worried about this. The family, including yourself, should be asking each other questions of what your boundaries are and what it is you will no longer accept if he continues to drink.
Hope this helps. Welcome to SR.
My personal opinion is this.... he should be in control over what treatment is best for him. Let him be worried about this. The family, including yourself, should be asking each other questions of what your boundaries are and what it is you will no longer accept if he continues to drink.
Hope this helps. Welcome to SR.
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