what about when you're done with trying to have a relationship?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
what about when you're done with trying to have a relationship?
OK, I'm drunk. I'm so drunk I can hardly hit the right keys.
Up till today I had 48 days without a drink. It's gone.
I have a woman living with me now, that I thought would help me stay sober so I let her move in four weeks ago and she is driving me insane. I'm going to be honest here, because I have no one else to tell this to tonight, and have been keeping it a secret for too long now. It won't be a secret after Monday, because I've decided to start a 16 week out patient program to get on track with my life.
On second thought, I'm going to back off here and at least express the truth instead of deleting this post. I'm going to start with my own sobriety come Monday, then I'm going to find out how to reverse my decision to be around this lady. We are not romantically involved, she is renting a room from me, but she wants alot more than I can give her, so she stabs me with the fact that I'm not attracted to her, she tries to make it out that "we" have a future, which is not even on my mind at all. She was once a close friend, now she thinks because I let her move in that it is more than it is. I'm not attracted to her that way!!!!!! I'm sick inside and don't know what to do, for she has no where else to go. So I went and got drunk, which I always do when confronted with situations where I don't know what to do.
That's where I am tonight.
Up till today I had 48 days without a drink. It's gone.
I have a woman living with me now, that I thought would help me stay sober so I let her move in four weeks ago and she is driving me insane. I'm going to be honest here, because I have no one else to tell this to tonight, and have been keeping it a secret for too long now. It won't be a secret after Monday, because I've decided to start a 16 week out patient program to get on track with my life.
On second thought, I'm going to back off here and at least express the truth instead of deleting this post. I'm going to start with my own sobriety come Monday, then I'm going to find out how to reverse my decision to be around this lady. We are not romantically involved, she is renting a room from me, but she wants alot more than I can give her, so she stabs me with the fact that I'm not attracted to her, she tries to make it out that "we" have a future, which is not even on my mind at all. She was once a close friend, now she thinks because I let her move in that it is more than it is. I'm not attracted to her that way!!!!!! I'm sick inside and don't know what to do, for she has no where else to go. So I went and got drunk, which I always do when confronted with situations where I don't know what to do.
That's where I am tonight.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
FS,Sorry to hear about losing the 48... glad to hear about the program. Don't run away from it now....
I know nothing at all about relationships, but you've got all my virtual hugs and I hope things get to looking better...soon.
Hang in there,
-TB
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Yeah i had a few of those so drunk i couldn't hit the right keys!!!!
The outpatient thing sounds a positive move, so well done for that...hopefully you will learn some tools to help with your sobriety:-)
Don't worry too much about your days gone, if you aren't sober and your life is still unmaneagable who gives a **** if is 48 or 4800?!
When you start outpatient you can tell the lady that you have been advised to be alone in this period of you working on yourself, which won't be a lie as they will imply this anyway and then give her a few weeks notice in order to find somewhere else...yeah it won't end well i am sure but that doesn't sound like a bad thing....stop taking in strays...for now;-)
Bad firestorm
The outpatient thing sounds a positive move, so well done for that...hopefully you will learn some tools to help with your sobriety:-)
Don't worry too much about your days gone, if you aren't sober and your life is still unmaneagable who gives a **** if is 48 or 4800?!
When you start outpatient you can tell the lady that you have been advised to be alone in this period of you working on yourself, which won't be a lie as they will imply this anyway and then give her a few weeks notice in order to find somewhere else...yeah it won't end well i am sure but that doesn't sound like a bad thing....stop taking in strays...for now;-)
Bad firestorm
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Sorry your hurting D. I tried to fill the hole in my life with men, strays, booze, drugs, and anything else that could distract me. I think you have an idea now where a different path starts. That better life is waiting for you friend.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: oregon
Posts: 9
firestorm
hi fire, sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds like your thinking of solutions though so this isnt the end of the world. I am 48 days sober , and I know how your probably beating yourself up. What we have to learn is when things are bugging us we cant drink it away, we cant take it out on ourselves because thats how we ended up in our nightmare. It sounds like the lady might of took advantage of your situation you just have to be totally honest and you will feel good about yourself for that and then you can work on yourself, instead of hurting yourself. Good luck !
jeff
jeff
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hey FS, sorry to hear that things are tough. You have some good advice on what to do next & how to move forward. I know its tough but you can do this.
Its 3 am & I am watching a movie & surfing here at the same time as my distraction. Working pretty good right now. Check out that out patient program & get back on track. We are all pulling for you.
Take Care,
NB
Its 3 am & I am watching a movie & surfing here at the same time as my distraction. Working pretty good right now. Check out that out patient program & get back on track. We are all pulling for you.
Take Care,
NB
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
((firestorm))
Good plan 4 the OP treatment.
Lot's of good advice here that's been offered.
Love the honestly. U R a good man, working on U. U could of just had a casual fling and made this situation worse 4 both of U. Hope the hangover isn't so bad, keep that as a reminder.
Stay strong.
Good plan 4 the OP treatment.
Lot's of good advice here that's been offered.
Love the honestly. U R a good man, working on U. U could of just had a casual fling and made this situation worse 4 both of U. Hope the hangover isn't so bad, keep that as a reminder.
Stay strong.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
To be honest Firestorm, This woman is not someone you need in your life right now. She is causing tension and stress, and may not have your best interests in mind. Getting sober is hard, and you need all your energy focused on recovery. Good luck with the inpatient program.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 257
Originally Posted by 51anna 
To be honest Firestorm, This woman is not someone you need in your life right now. She is causing tension and stress, and may not have your best interests in mind. Getting sober is hard, and you need all your energy focused on recovery. Good luck with the inpatient program.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
There is a very good reason why they don't encourage any big changes the first year of sobriety! I took a new job two months into sobriety and it was a mistake. I think that we often feel we are "okay" long before we really are.
When I look back at my first six months, I was the ultimate dry drunk. I didn't even know what "dry drunk" meant at the time. Now, reading my diary from a year ago today the warning flags were all over the place.
I know you haven't asked for advice regarding this lady in your house, but I would have to echo what others have said: it sounds like it is not at all good for your sobriety.
Great idea to begin an outpatient program: it might help you figure out what to do about this situation.
When I look back at my first six months, I was the ultimate dry drunk. I didn't even know what "dry drunk" meant at the time. Now, reading my diary from a year ago today the warning flags were all over the place.
I know you haven't asked for advice regarding this lady in your house, but I would have to echo what others have said: it sounds like it is not at all good for your sobriety.
Great idea to begin an outpatient program: it might help you figure out what to do about this situation.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
I'm sorry to hear that you drank. I've done that too many times when I was really stressed out. But as I always found out, the drinking only made the stress worse.
So you drank. Forgive yourself for your relapse and start over again. Learn from it and move forward again. You CAN do this.
So you drank. Forgive yourself for your relapse and start over again. Learn from it and move forward again. You CAN do this.
...
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Her life is not your concern, yours is. She is an adult, probably at least semi intelligent and resourceful, and can figure something else out.
That being said, you and I both know you're the only one here to blame for the choice to get drunk and I'm glad you have a better path laid out for you come Monday. Good luck, friend!
That being said, you and I both know you're the only one here to blame for the choice to get drunk and I'm glad you have a better path laid out for you come Monday. Good luck, friend!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
My head is really pounding this morning, and I feel as sick as ever. I know I shouldn't have drank over this person, and I need to learn different ways of coping with stress in my life, so I'm glad that tomorrow I have an opportunity to begin learning new coping skills for these types of situations. I made a mistake last night by going out and that just added to the mistake of being around this lady who is now residing with me. She loves to argue and I just had enough yesterday, so I left and got stupid. Now, she's the same but I feel like hell. That's not too bright on my part.
Thanks for all your help, I know I can do this, and I am trying as hard as I can, but I need help. Thanks again.
Thanks for all your help, I know I can do this, and I am trying as hard as I can, but I need help. Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Traveling in Europe
Posts: 415
Glad to hear your sobering up... I know when I drank I struggled to stay away from it the next morning. No I couldn't be an alcoholic hahahahaha.... anyway man you know that you can't drink anything away. Just take it from here and make sure to get the help you need
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hey firestorm. I'm sorry that you're going through this.
Relationships are such a killer. I know you say you're not involved but this situation is affecting you. Boundary issues??? Whether it may be that she doesn't respect yours or you haven't laid down the law for her?
Maybe you're concerned about hurting her feelings?
I'm going to share with you where I'm at when it comes to other people. If it helps and I hope it does, great.
While trying to figure out how to conduct myself with others there is one thing I keep in mind as well and that's how THEY are treating me. Are they respecting my space? My boundaries? Are they doing it after I've told them how I feel? If all the answers there are "no" then this is how I proceed........... I quit worrying about how they feel. I let go of the fact that they may get upset when I tell them "you've crossed my line, YOU'RE DONE!!!" And just pull the plug. Rip it like a band-aid. I know that sounds a little dramatic, however sometimes I feel people need to just get it and there's no being nice about it any more. It's either them or me. And it's going to be me.
I'm so glad you're going to get a plan in motion for yourself. I do hope you're going to do that OP thing. Once you get the coping skills to deal with this stuff life will get better.
Good luck!! Let us know how it all goes.
Relationships are such a killer. I know you say you're not involved but this situation is affecting you. Boundary issues??? Whether it may be that she doesn't respect yours or you haven't laid down the law for her?
Maybe you're concerned about hurting her feelings?
I'm going to share with you where I'm at when it comes to other people. If it helps and I hope it does, great.
While trying to figure out how to conduct myself with others there is one thing I keep in mind as well and that's how THEY are treating me. Are they respecting my space? My boundaries? Are they doing it after I've told them how I feel? If all the answers there are "no" then this is how I proceed........... I quit worrying about how they feel. I let go of the fact that they may get upset when I tell them "you've crossed my line, YOU'RE DONE!!!" And just pull the plug. Rip it like a band-aid. I know that sounds a little dramatic, however sometimes I feel people need to just get it and there's no being nice about it any more. It's either them or me. And it's going to be me.
I'm so glad you're going to get a plan in motion for yourself. I do hope you're going to do that OP thing. Once you get the coping skills to deal with this stuff life will get better.
Good luck!! Let us know how it all goes.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Firestorm,
Sorry to hear you're back drinking. I know it's been a struggle for you. If nothing else, it may confirm some ideas you have about being an alcoholic. You're sincerely trying to not drink, and ending up drunk. Have you considered that it's not the situation with the roommate making you drink, but a mental obsession? I know when I was struggling to get sober (and I struggled for a couple of years like you are), I always found some circumstance in my life that was the 'cause' of my relapse. And really, the cause was that I was an alcoholic. My sickness manifests in rationalization and justification. I make up a lie, I tell others about it, I hear myself telling them, and then I believe it.
My guess is, your situation has nothing whatsoever to do with your drinking, even though it may seem like it does.
This, my friend, was the single biggest deterrent to my sobriety. I always thought that I knew what I needed to do to stay sober. It was when I gave up on knowing what I thought I needed, that I became willing to follow directions from people that had recovered. I started working in the BB with a sponsor on the very first day I didn't drink (that's today for you), and I didn't pause until I'd had a spiritual awakening that removed the obsession to drink. Actually, I still haven't paused.
And the funniest thing happened. I started to cope with stress and life in a completely different way.
Sorry to hear you're back drinking. I know it's been a struggle for you. If nothing else, it may confirm some ideas you have about being an alcoholic. You're sincerely trying to not drink, and ending up drunk. Have you considered that it's not the situation with the roommate making you drink, but a mental obsession? I know when I was struggling to get sober (and I struggled for a couple of years like you are), I always found some circumstance in my life that was the 'cause' of my relapse. And really, the cause was that I was an alcoholic. My sickness manifests in rationalization and justification. I make up a lie, I tell others about it, I hear myself telling them, and then I believe it.
My guess is, your situation has nothing whatsoever to do with your drinking, even though it may seem like it does.
Originally Posted by firestorm090
...and I need to learn different ways of coping with stress in my life.
And the funniest thing happened. I started to cope with stress and life in a completely different way.
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