Momsrainbow

Dogs got me up to say-papa is gone again. Found a note. Went for smokes (that is 10 miles from home) and stop to see if helper got the parts for saw and boat. Don't worry all is well.

A joke right? He has been gone for 2.5 hrs. I know there are no parts waiting anywhere-other than possibly the boat shop and they are closed until Tuesday.

I am sure he has not gone back to drugs but may be back to cooking them. A possiblity. How long does it take to cook meth? He is up to something and it cannot be good.

Another night of parole violation. No respect for the terms of his parole.

I am fine, just biding my time to see how long it takes for him to get caught running the roads. Blood pressure is fine. Going to take all the dogs and go back to bed. Poor big dogs all at the window looking for him. Darn good thing he never had children!

IPT

sorry ..... seems like you are keeping your cool and mind where it needs to be though. That is no easy task so I applaud you.

laurie6781

If I were you I would let his PO know. Yes it will be 'he said she said' but the PO has the option of putting an 'ankle monitor' on him and then if he chooses to violate his parole he will for sure be caught and I would not have my sleep disturbed by his 'comings and goings'.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Momsrainbow

Istarted to feel really bad yesterday and feel horrible today. Just like when I ended up in intensive care in 2007 thanks to AH and my stress. BAD HEART. Naturally he is gone all day. The phone keeps ringing with no numbers I know so I unplugged them. He shows up and I tell him I feel bad-he says to make up my mind whether I want to go to the dr. or er or whatever. I told him he could jump for this friends for a hangnail but could not bother with me. Well, I went to lay down and got up with a mind set-time to go to the er. You don't have to guess-he is gone again. Which means gone for the night. Too late to call anyone tonight so I guess I will wait it out until the am. Just way too much stress with this RAH who cannot understand why I am upset.

Time to get the keys back for the rent house-technically still in trust because I have not tranferred the deed. Key to grams house-it is still in trust. Just a mess of legal things have to be done and I imagine it is not going to be pleasant.

Just had to vent!!!!! Thanks for putting up with me.

peaceteach

I am saying a prayer for you, Mom's Rainbow. I know that my health improved when I got out of the addictive situation I was living in and also started putting all that attention on myself, taking care of ME. I wish you could find a way to have this man out of your home and life, because I think you have suffered enough, both physically and emotionally.

Momsrainbow

Blank him, blank his friggin friends, blank them all. This is flat it-done!!!!! I have been in bed-sick-major sick and he pops in and out. He had an appt. with the court appointed mental health person this am and no clean jeans-tough! He knows I was sick and he also knows how to do laundry-he had laundry duty once in prison. He gets home says all went well, you need to get out of the house-lets go for a ride. Well, since I feel a prisoner in this house for 3 years, I said ok. Little did I know one of his friends was going along and we were going 40 miles to his lady friends house. Then off to another so called friend (a drug dealer he knew yrs. ago) What am I stupid? Even if he was telling the truth there is no way he is either not looking to do drugs or deal them. He just has to wheel and deal in something.

This old gal has had it. Just flat broke and the phone and internet will go next week-so be it-a relief from all his phone calls he gets at all hrs. for whatever reason.

Yes, the truck is still an issue. I want my truck-I don't care if it sits in the yard and I make a giant planter out of it. He has signed the title, I have a receipt and to send him off with a royal bang- I AM GOING TO "SIGN IT" over to my policeman friend and see what he thinks of it. Being a petty bitch, yes I am! Enough is just enough!

This is not a life I want or deserve and I am going to get what little I can find and be at peace. My heart just will not stand much more of this. Sorry, I simply cannot control the stress level he has put me on.

Hopefully, he will go quietly. This is a tiny town and the law and I have not talked about him at all. Just my cop friend said recently, I am always here for you, you are my baby sister (we just kind of adopted each other 20 yrs ago) and when I ran into the police chief-he put his arm around me and says, just remember I am with you and luv ya. Who could ask for more. Plus my attorney who is now a judge-one of the most powerful people in the county-well my poor AH-will not have him on his side because of me. No I am not setting him up for anything, he will do that all by himself.

Well, here's hoping if and when he shows back up all goes quietly. He said he was going out in the yard and going to burn wire for scrap-duh-that did it the truck and him were gone. He is a fast sneaky devil.

Hopefully what patience and trying to think the right way out of this mess will work.

Ann

Sounds like you've reached your "enough" point Moms, do you have a plan of what will help you? He's doing what he's doing and you can't change that, even though your health is affected.

What helped me, when trying to control the outcome did not, was to go to meetings and surround myself with support. Maybe give it a try and see if they don't help you too.

Nothing changes until WE change, and that's when the real recovery begins.

Hugs

teke

i agree with the others, mom, you and your health is more important than him and his behavior. i have serious lasting health issues stemming from the stress of living with addiction for so long. please take care of you. you can't change him or his behavior but you can change you and your life. you taking a stand for your life may just be what it takes for him to want to do the same.

i understand you think maybe he's not using but i was always told "if you hang around the barbar shop, you are bound to eventually get a hair cut". imo, sounds like if he's not using now, it probably won't be long before he does. you both are in my prayers.

devastated

I sure can relate to your stress. Been there once or twice myself in the past 35 years.

Sounds to me like you are on the right path here when you said "this is not a life, etc." Boy you got that right!

Just have to reach that point where peace and quite outweigh chaos and crisis!! That's when you know you have arrived!

He's going to continue doing what he wants to do regardless of how you feel. Typical addict behavior! This is why you have to take care of you, yourself, 'cause you can't count on him.

Go for it!

Hugs Devastated

Momsrainbow

Amazing what happens when you just sit back and wait, and I did it calmly. Calm and at peace. I got out of the house in the pouring rain twice yesterday. To town! Once with a lady down the road just to go look at the Dollar Tree and then the man who owns the apts. on the highway came by and said I see him in the truck zipping up and down the highway, come on you need to get out of the house. He has two brand new cook stoves and I can have one. Offerred me the money to pay the phone bill but I said no. I just cannot borrow money or take money. Just a short ride but was nice.

Then low and behold guess who shows up. AH, says my cop friend pulled him over then caught him at his brothers house in the back property where he had been caught with the meth lab. before. 3 hours of questions by the police and friend even called for backup from the next town. Geeze, sounded like my cop friend must have know what I was thinking. And I did not even have to call him. AH had a convicted felon in the truck and that just did not sit well at all. Threatened to pull his parole for numerous parole violations. Shook the truck down, drug test on the spot. And I did not have to do a thing. Poor AH knows he has to go and I don't feel bad about it-just peace. Heck with worrying about bills, work to be done-it will all happen somehow. AND I HAVE THE TRUCK-yes a big deal for me, I can get around again!!!!! Oh and the four big dogs-well they won't have a thing to do with him either-just look at him and walk away!!!!!! Lady down the road is taking me to church Sunday.

Guess I will call my cop friend tonight and thank him. Life is getting better already!!!!!! Seems like the dark cloud is lifting and the sun will shine again.

Oh, and there are not any meetings anywhere close. I called around to check.

Momsrainbow

Cop friend called at 6 this am. AH was already gone, on foot! He no longer has the truck keys. Friend wanted to know if I had heard about him pulling AH & convicted felon over and I said yes. He told me his side of the story and I told AH side-not the same. Asked why I had not called him and told him I had called him for 7 yrs. and did not want to be like the boy who cried wolf. Told him I had no proof of anything just a gut feeling and he said he had the same. The police and county are keeping track of him. I did provide some names that I did not know and he said to be careful-bad bad people.

Friend said we will just wait it out, that AH will do himself in just like he has always done. Whatever happens will happen.

AH says he stayed out all night because of me. I did yell and scream once and only once. Just not my fault!!!!!!!!!!!! WE are at 9+ parole violations of hrs. to be home. Felon was beating on the front window at 2 am to tell AH he is back in town.. Sounds like the drugs were now in town.

At least the blood pressure is not sky high, the stress is not too bad and have major support. I just imagine I will be having a lot of mixed feelings, sadness because AH could not find his way, a love lost and a marriage about done.

rayofsunshine

Momsrainbow, you sound alot calmer and at peace. Just know HP is going
to work this out. AH will get to suffer the consequences of his choices, all on his own, without any help from you. HP will work your bills out, too, and take care of you. Glad you were able to get out of the house and have such good friends your way.


It is a sad time, and you will grieve. I grieved over the sadness of AH not finding his way... he had so many opportunities for change... 3 rehabs then prison. The person we fell in love with changing into the addict never to return. Just know that there are days full of peace ahead for you. It will be ok, it'll take time. Remember, you are worth being treated good! Don't settle for less!

URMYEVERYTHING

This is usually how it goes with an addict. But with us, there isn't a chance to just wait and see what happens. We will go crazy.

Seems like your HP is working for you. It will all resolve Moms.

Keep your head up. Your time is coming as well.