tigger11

This is a poem I wrote about my AH's anger 2 months ago. At the time, I didn't realize it was an alcoholic, or an ancoholic's anger. Sharing.

Your anger

Without a word, you leave
and abandon me
to sleep

Your anger
is a black hole that draws me
into its depths

I am alone until you return
from its depths
a day, a week, a month, six,
more this time?

I never know
when it’ll appear
how strong it’ll be
how long it will last
or how much you’ll deny it

“I’m not angry”
you’ll say
suggesting I’m using
the wrong word
to define it
rendering the emotional abyss
and my ability to define it
invalid

You say;
“it’s not you”
but with every sigh
every silent moment
every curse
you make it obvious
that it is

On tiptoe
I try not to rile you
with words, actions,
expressions, sounds

Do I deserve this?
Am I so bad, or so wrong?

If I change
will it stop?
Tell me what to change
for eventually
the dark hole will
swallow me