kv816

Okay, I'm having a rough night and just need to get these things off my chest. The whole quacking thread a few weeks ago really helped so I'm hoping this will too. Anyway.

I DON'T miss....

getting hung up on just because he didn't like me standing up for myself, my job, my kids, my friends, my family, my dogs, my cats, my LIFE

I DON'T miss.....

having to listen to him call me a liar and a b!tch and a cheat

I DON'T MISS.........

having to turn my cell phone ringer off at night to avoid a fight with his jealousy every time it rang

I DON'T MISS.....

the stale, yeasty smell of beer on his breath

the "woe is me" stories defending why he drinks, yells, screams, loses his temper

going to bed at 8:00 just because HE said I needed to

Jadmack25

I don't miss any of those yukkies either.

Nor do I miss, being told what a "bad" driver I am.
From he who has had a few DUI's, crunched a few cars, or forgotten where he parked.

I don't miss collecting 48 stubby bottles from around his bed, and many more throughout his flat.

Sure don't miss the why, what, how, and why don't you, comments and nit picking act of past dry drunk days.

I sometimes wondered why I actually hadn't murdered him.
My HP working overtime I guess.

God bless

kv816

Gypsy Feet

I don't miss worrying about him way more than I ever cared about myself

I don't miss watching him drink around friends and family, and changing from a quiet, respectful guy, to a loud obnoxious, impossible to understand, raging maniac, to a slobbering, puking on him self, falling all over the place drunk.

I don't miss living in a house where the only communication between us for weeks on end was hostile stares.

I don't miss checking his computer in the morning to see what sex sites he was on

I dont miss trying to leave for work quietly so I wouldnt wake him pass out in his computer chair

thanks for the reminder.

Still Waters

I don't miss never knowing if the debit card will work this time, or did he change the pin numbers again?

I don't miss finding the doorknob missing cause he got tired of us locking the door at night when he told us not to.

I don't miss hearing him being hateful to my child when he thought I was sleeping.

Free108

I don't miss:
Waiting all day for him to wake up.
Airing the alcohol fumes out of the bedroom every afternoon.
Being scared of what kind of mood he would be in at work.
Looking forward to his first drink of the evening because I knew he would be nicer.
Waiting for him all the time - he's always late for everything.

abcdefg

I don't miss Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I never knew who would show up.

I don't miss being accused of something completely imaginary and then being walked out on for it.

I don't miss the humiliation of him standing me up for weddings, family dinners, professional events, and other times I needed my partner.

I don't miss listening to him criticize and ridicule other people -- often sober alcoholics working a program of recovery.

I do NOT miss his selfish, self-centered and self-seeking mood swings.

I don't miss being awakened in the middle of the night or early morning so he can glare at me because I was breathing on him in my sleep.

I do not miss spending all that energy on just trying to get along and it didn't work because I didn't cause it, couldn't cure it and couldn't control it.

I don't miss wondering when he was ever going to speak to me again and then worrying about what he was going to say when he did.

I don't miss having to cater to his every emotional whim.

Thank you for this thread. I feel a lot of gratitude for the fact of being happy, joyous and free today.

bookwyrm

Great thread!

I don't miss the fear of coming home at night, wondering what mood he will be in.

I don't miss being the cause of everything and the one to blame if anything ever went wrong.

I don't miss being shamed and verbally abused by him.

I don't miss being tethered to the house because he couldn't stand his own company.

I don't miss having to clean up after him when both of us worked full time.

I don't miss the nasty comments about other people.

I don't miss being made responsible for his moods and his entertainment.

And I really don't miss the constant smell of stale beer and cigarettes!

peaceteach

I am so happy to say that, after 5 years of him out of my home, I almost can't remember what I DON'T miss - haha. Thanks for the pleasant feeling I have just now for realizing how great MY life is these days.

kv816

Thanks peaceteach.....I am working towards being able to say the same thing in 5 years and you're proof it can be done!!! My dreams used to be about where I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing. Now I have to hope for things by remembering the things I don't want. I will not do this again.

nodaybut2day

Funny, I had just finished writing myself a "No more" list, so this thread is particularly relevant.

I won't miss being pressured for sex and even when I give in, being told that I "used to be" so much better, so much more excited/horny.

I won't miss cleaning up the empties, the spills on the floor from when he stumbled around.

I won't miss washing out stinky beer stains in my glasses.

I won't miss the cigarettes butts strewn all over my balcony, or the smell of smoke on his breath (or AROUND MY BABY GIRL!).

I wont' miss stressing out at the grocery store that he's going to ask me to buy him beer, and the subsequent resulting fight when I refuse and he tells me I'm being stupid or controlling.

I won't miss being blamed for everything that's going wrong in my marriage.

I won't miss hearing him cuss and yell all the time.

I won't miss having to listen to his narcissistic comments about how AMAZING of a husband and father he is, and about how my stepson and I just don't appreciate him for how great he is.

I wont' miss him yelling at his son for the silliest things and turning everything into an opportunity to "discipline him" (meaning to control and manipulate him).

I won't miss wondering if there was still money left in my bank account or if he stole money from me again somehow.

I won't miss receiving letters and calls from collections agencies due to the bills he neglected or refused to pay, so he could buy himself what he "deserved".

I won't miss the constant arguments about everything and nothing.

I won't miss having to act as a buffer between him and my family, and pretending for all I'm worth that I'm happy with him.

I won't miss having to coddle him at my own damn birthday party, because he's unhappy that people are only speaking French.

I won't miss having to listen to him tell me about the horrible French, Jews, Chinese, Vietnamese or how the entire human race is filth, or about the near apocalyptic future that we need to prepare our children for (yes, I know, MAJOR dillusions here).

I won't miss the excessive spending on clothing, junk food, videogames and DVDs.

I won't miss watching him sit on his butt for days on end playing mindless violent videogames.

I won't miss being the maid and cleaning up after both of us, while he sits on his butt, justifying his laziness with this or that lame excuse.

Finally, I won't miss wishing he was a better father to his children. I accept that he'll never be.

Zak68

Funny thing is I sent something like this to the AW yesterday. We are separated.

I told her I don't miss wondering how many days that weekend she would be drunk
I don't miss spending a ton of time looking for hidden stashes of vodka.
I don't miss having to warn the kids not to touch any glass of "water" they see around the house and NEVER drink out of anything mom drinks out of.
I don't miss wasting my nights calming her down only to have her explode the next day.
I don't miss wasting evenings with her and her addiction when I could have been spending quality time with my kids.


She said, she appreciated my being honest. She doesn't miss the old her at all and is glad she is on track to heal. I told her too bad it was so late. She sucked me dry of caring for her as a wife. I want her to heal as there is a woman in there that needs saving but that spark between us is gone.

kv816

right on! A few more things I had forgotten.

chrisea

Nor do I miss, being told what a "bad" driver I am.

Recently I bought a gps & realized that not only does it get me to where I want to go, ~ it does this in a calm, nonjudgemental voice. It's like having someone sitting beside you, giving directions, without the hassle (top end ones tell you which lane to get into, & the street name)

It's the latest addition, with my AAA road service & cell phone. It only uses your credit/debit card one time, there was no overdraft fees.

Dadtrying

I wish I could say these things.

I still live it.

But at least I can see what I won't miss when I am there.

veryregretful

My AH left last night and as I read through these posts I'm have already not missed

- wondering how he will come home
- talking nasty to the children
- lies
- blaming me
- leaving his tools and belongings everywhere

and it hasn't even been 24 hours. lol

i love this thread. i already feel a calmness i haven't felt in a long time. i guess you could call it that. don't know what else.

i don't miss the anxiety i've had for years
i definately won't miss the sleepness nights i've had. soon i know i'll finally be able to sleep through the night and not be exhausted the next day.
i don't miss not being a family. having someone here because it's warm and there's food with no contribution to the family.


thanks everyone

wanting

The #1 thing I don't miss is urine. In the bed, in the closet, in the sink, all over the bathroom floor.

There's also all the narcissistic B.S. that I don't miss too. And the blame, lies, cheating, manipulation, and just general insanity.

And, this may just be personal to my AH, but I don't miss "music quiz." I don't care who sings this song, I don't care that you know who sings this song, I am bored, please shut up.

Cowgirl1265

Good timing for this, I have been feeling very lonely the past few days and wondering if the right thing to do is work on reconciliation. You know, it is still possible, someday, but I don't really see him making changes so I just have to live in the now and now worry about that.

I won't miss:

- Him screaming at the dogs every time they drank water (because one threw up after drinking too much once several years ago)
- The nasty comments about everyone in the world being a jerk and nothing is his fault
- The inability to be pleasant to visitors, resulting in nobody, my parents including, wanting to come to my home
- Dealing with a hypochondriac who conveniently became sick anytime anything was expected of him
- Cleaning up after him/doing ALL of the housework and yardwork despite both of us working full time
- Not having to worry about forgetting to close all of the room doors in the house because "one of the cats might scratch something"
- Not having to deal with his ex or his stepson because he was incapable of talking to them. Not my problem anymore.
- Not having my checking account bounce constantly because he would ignore me telling him that "we don't have extra money this week, please don't go buy anything without checking first"
- His complete inability to take any adult responsibilty in our lives and then complain because he didn't think I treated him as an "equal"
- Yelling and screaming at the kids
- Constantly having three televisions in the house on at once, all the time
- Stalking around the house angrily looking for someone to blame for his problems
- being called 15 minutes after I leave the house to go riding or do something with a friend and being asked when I'm coming home

OK, that's enough venting. I need to go write a gratitude list now.

TakingCharge999

I dont miss

being called fat the funny thing is that nowadays i look better than ever because i am no longer stressed!

having a stumbling drunk interrupting my sleep by the hour

listening to sexist "comedy" with his friends in the car and feeling non existant. acting as if im asleep not to make waves.

overhearing any of his lies you dont know how great i feel when i walk out of my cubicle and out the door from my office. i DONT have to listen! yay!!

being told how good looking other women are. WTF was i thinking?

jekyll and hyde. i dont miss hyde. and thanks to hyde i dont miss jekyll either. its a scam.

being told "i dont give a damn about what you do" in our last "conversation"

demi god attitude

gothic metal all day and all night .ultraviolent movies and screensavers.

BuffaloGal

That sick, angry feeling I got when I sat down in front of the computer. I very rarely checked the history-- that made me feel worse-- but sitting there imagining what was probably on it was almost as bad.

After he moved out, I was mainly relieved not to be in the house with his lurking, creepy, guilty computer anymore. (His alcoholism contributed to our breakup, but his pornography addiction was the last straw.)