Step 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 17
Step 1
My thoughts on Step 1. Today is my first day working the AlAnon program.
One other member said sometimes it helps to read the steps in separate parts and that really helped me with step 1!!! I can easily see that my life is unmanageable because of my ABF's drinking, however the other part of step - admitting I am powerless when it comes to whether he will decide to drink or not (he is 11 days sober right now) -- is a huge challenge for me. I guess like many here, I learned to become a complete control freak because I was the one who has had to hold things together...the house, finances, the baby, the relationship...and that has spilled over to me trying to micro-manage his drinking too, being on high alert for the next incident or late night. It is SO hard to try to not control his behavior, but over the past two days I've done the following things in an effort to accept I am powerless and in an effort to try and stop certain co-d behavior I have engaged in:
(1) Last night when ABF was on the fence about going to an AA meeting, I said I believed he should go, but it was his choice and he should do what he wanted. Also, when he left w/o saying a word leaving me to wonder where he was going, rather than calling and exploding asking if he was at a bar or really at the meeting I sent a text simply saying "please let me know where you are. thank you." (Know I should prob not have sent it at all, but baby steps....)
(2) When he was pressing me as to whether we are going to split up, I said firmly that for the past 14 mos I have not even give one thought to my needs because I have been so busy working about the drinking, and from now on I am putting my feelings and needs first, and will answer the question when I am ready to.
Overall, I think I may be on step 1 for a long long time because I am used to being the one managing everything, but I hope I am on the right track. I am looking forward to the freedom that so many of you have found in step 1!!!
Thanks for listening
One other member said sometimes it helps to read the steps in separate parts and that really helped me with step 1!!! I can easily see that my life is unmanageable because of my ABF's drinking, however the other part of step - admitting I am powerless when it comes to whether he will decide to drink or not (he is 11 days sober right now) -- is a huge challenge for me. I guess like many here, I learned to become a complete control freak because I was the one who has had to hold things together...the house, finances, the baby, the relationship...and that has spilled over to me trying to micro-manage his drinking too, being on high alert for the next incident or late night. It is SO hard to try to not control his behavior, but over the past two days I've done the following things in an effort to accept I am powerless and in an effort to try and stop certain co-d behavior I have engaged in:
(1) Last night when ABF was on the fence about going to an AA meeting, I said I believed he should go, but it was his choice and he should do what he wanted. Also, when he left w/o saying a word leaving me to wonder where he was going, rather than calling and exploding asking if he was at a bar or really at the meeting I sent a text simply saying "please let me know where you are. thank you." (Know I should prob not have sent it at all, but baby steps....)
(2) When he was pressing me as to whether we are going to split up, I said firmly that for the past 14 mos I have not even give one thought to my needs because I have been so busy working about the drinking, and from now on I am putting my feelings and needs first, and will answer the question when I am ready to.
Overall, I think I may be on step 1 for a long long time because I am used to being the one managing everything, but I hope I am on the right track. I am looking forward to the freedom that so many of you have found in step 1!!!
Thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 534
I feel like I've gone through 1,2,3 over and over again, because I kept realizing more and more things I was powerless over. It wasn't just the alcohol. It was all of his behavior, all of his feelings, all that he decided about the relationship. I finally feel like I'm getting it.
Congratulations to you!
Congratulations to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
Hi there
Thanks for sharing your first day into the program. You are a lot further ahead than I was when I first started. I'd say you have already taken quite a few baby steps. What I have come to realize is that his drug of choice was vodka....my drug of choice was him. And just like an alcoholic taking their first steps towards sobriety I was also trying to withdraw from my drug of choice....controlling him and his drinking. That's how my life became unmanageable because it was something beyond my control in the first place.
Congrats on your first meeting....I love going and plan on going the rest of my life as I believe it will help me in all areas of my life and in all that life can throw at you....I too am taking baby steps....but somehow they are starting to feel like bigger baby steps. I also know how easy it is for me to relapse and go back to my familiar roll as controller hence another reason to keep going and keep working at it.
Wish you the best
Maggie
Thanks for sharing your first day into the program. You are a lot further ahead than I was when I first started. I'd say you have already taken quite a few baby steps. What I have come to realize is that his drug of choice was vodka....my drug of choice was him. And just like an alcoholic taking their first steps towards sobriety I was also trying to withdraw from my drug of choice....controlling him and his drinking. That's how my life became unmanageable because it was something beyond my control in the first place.
Congrats on your first meeting....I love going and plan on going the rest of my life as I believe it will help me in all areas of my life and in all that life can throw at you....I too am taking baby steps....but somehow they are starting to feel like bigger baby steps. I also know how easy it is for me to relapse and go back to my familiar roll as controller hence another reason to keep going and keep working at it.
Wish you the best
Maggie
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