Bro in rehab - parents crazy... ??
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1
Bro in rehab - parents crazy... ??
I am new - my 53 year old bro entered rehab yesterday - sis (55) and I (45) have washed our hands from him - after driving him around for errands, almost employing him, etc. Last April 80 year old father (great dad) entered hospital very sick for 20 days - 3 days in bro living with parents stole credit card numbers and charged items for someone he is involved with out of state.
Mom got threatening calls of coming to shoot her and him...after lies, long story "he didn't know who they were"....after hearing this, sis and I put 2 and 2 together and went to police, did a restraining order, got mom to sign and him out of house...while still dealing with dad that had not yet awaken from surgery. Long long story short - bro has been back with parents living and parents are sooo mad at sis and I for the restraining order since that is now following him and cannot get an apartment (also has 4+ DUI's, 18 mo. prison, and "felon" next to his name)....I finally told parents I am not playing this game anymore...he did enter reahab and we agreed to go to family counseling there....parents are still blaming my sister and I for all that we did "wrong" - we only were looking out for our parents and could care less about bro. As last resort I will participate in counseling at the rehab center if need be. Parents are ready to attend one session and take off to AZ for the winter.... ??? are they crazy?? Any shed of light on this situation would be helpful....why are the "good" kids blamed?
Mom got threatening calls of coming to shoot her and him...after lies, long story "he didn't know who they were"....after hearing this, sis and I put 2 and 2 together and went to police, did a restraining order, got mom to sign and him out of house...while still dealing with dad that had not yet awaken from surgery. Long long story short - bro has been back with parents living and parents are sooo mad at sis and I for the restraining order since that is now following him and cannot get an apartment (also has 4+ DUI's, 18 mo. prison, and "felon" next to his name)....I finally told parents I am not playing this game anymore...he did enter reahab and we agreed to go to family counseling there....parents are still blaming my sister and I for all that we did "wrong" - we only were looking out for our parents and could care less about bro. As last resort I will participate in counseling at the rehab center if need be. Parents are ready to attend one session and take off to AZ for the winter.... ??? are they crazy?? Any shed of light on this situation would be helpful....why are the "good" kids blamed?
Only stepping forward
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Hi hatebro, glad you could join us.
I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. Please try to kick back, take a deep breath and relax. In my honest opinion, I don't think you did anything wrong.
I've been in a similar situation with xabf in the past. I, like you, was the wrong one. No one could ever really say why so I was always left to decide on my own.
Xabf always, always blamed the cops for his 4 DUI's, open container, driving on suspended, yadayadayada. I believe the term his sister used to describe the cops was "heartless". You see, he has always been a drinker. For as far back as anyone can remember. And he's always been a momma's boy....he did anything and everything for that woman. She's the only topic I've ever heard him discuss that brought tears to his eyes. Anyway. She died of a heart attack two years ago and he took it pretty hard. Went out binge drinking....every night. And he got caught. Bailed out, arrested for DUI a few weeks later. Bailed out, arrested again a few months later. He didn't have a drinking problem.....he was mourning the loss of his mother. And the cops should have accepted that and let him go. Now here he was being punished for mourning.
What he always wanted, was a handout. EVERYONE should have been willing to help him; to look the other way at every little or big issue, problem or whatever. Produce answers, not deal consequences.
And everyone who dealt those consequences was cold hearted, worthless, "bad".
Hang in there, you've done the right thing. Keep coming back and listening to others share. You'll find the peace you need for your mind and life.
I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. Please try to kick back, take a deep breath and relax. In my honest opinion, I don't think you did anything wrong.
I've been in a similar situation with xabf in the past. I, like you, was the wrong one. No one could ever really say why so I was always left to decide on my own.
Xabf always, always blamed the cops for his 4 DUI's, open container, driving on suspended, yadayadayada. I believe the term his sister used to describe the cops was "heartless". You see, he has always been a drinker. For as far back as anyone can remember. And he's always been a momma's boy....he did anything and everything for that woman. She's the only topic I've ever heard him discuss that brought tears to his eyes. Anyway. She died of a heart attack two years ago and he took it pretty hard. Went out binge drinking....every night. And he got caught. Bailed out, arrested for DUI a few weeks later. Bailed out, arrested again a few months later. He didn't have a drinking problem.....he was mourning the loss of his mother. And the cops should have accepted that and let him go. Now here he was being punished for mourning.
What he always wanted, was a handout. EVERYONE should have been willing to help him; to look the other way at every little or big issue, problem or whatever. Produce answers, not deal consequences.
And everyone who dealt those consequences was cold hearted, worthless, "bad".
Hang in there, you've done the right thing. Keep coming back and listening to others share. You'll find the peace you need for your mind and life.
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