Stellar

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. I didnt know he was an
alcoholic in the beginning, of course. That little secret slithered its way into
my life rather slowly. We have been through so much hell with when he was
drinking... but he wanted to get treatment on his own. He has been in treatment
for alcoholism for the past 3 months. He is allowed to be off restriction, and
get overnites once a week. This past weekend he got to stay 2 nights. There
have been a few times he stayed over and I could just tell by the look on his
face he wanted to drink. He's never asked if we could, he says sometimes its
hard bc he thinks abt it a lot when he's home.
He made suggestions on saturday night, and I said "No" he was crabby and quiet
all night, and it makes for a bad evening, when all I want to do is be with him
and for us to be happy together. So I said ok to it on sunday night. I bought a
12pk and we drank. I said "Never Again" but somehow I am worried that I messed up his whole recovery. Hes there, and hes ok, but in my mind, I feel so worried and so guilty. No one except my best friend knows that we drank. I feel like Im
a letdown. Im scared what if on his next overnight he wants to drink again? And
if I say "No" is he going to be all crabby and we will have another lousy night.
I don't know what to think or say or do at this point. I love my boyfriend very
much. I know what I did was wrong. I want him to get better, but I need advice
on pretty much everything I wrote. Please help me!

trapeze

Why do you feel like you need to sign up for this? You haven't been with him long. Why not let go until he has his life together? If he gets his life together, you can start over.

He is not in a place in his life to start an adult, giving relationship. Do not be concerned about his recovery - he owns that. What are you doing to and for yourself?

Pelican

Hi April,

Are you still attending Alanon meetings?

Let's say this is your daughter in 25 years. You pay to put her into rehab and get her life straightened out. You want her to be responsible. She gets a weekend pass and hooks up with her boyfriend and he buys her beer to make her happy. How would you respond?

Your boyfriend is in rehab to learn how to respond to life. Life as it happens. He needs to learn how to cope without turning to alcohol.

He has one weekend home from rehab and gets crabby because he is bored and wants a drink. Get a hobby.

What are you going to do with your life? Continue sacrificing your sobriety to make someone else feel comfortable with themself?