Debbie

You know I tend to post when things are crappy. When I am having problems or some big crisis comes up.

Well, I do have a crisis but its bothering me that its going to affect me and I guess that is what its all about ME. Hubby may go to jail because of the car crashing in May. I feel bad about the whole thing and I really don't want to see him go. But I am thinking about how its going to be a pain in the butt for me. To take care of the dogs, do the chores that he does and how I am going to be inconvenienced and about being alone, I hate being alone. I was feeling selfish about feeling that way but the more I think about it he needs to take the consequences of what happened.

With this whole thing happening, he had not been drinking. I probably shouldn't say that. Because every time I do, he picks up the bottle, almost like he is reading my mind and that I am so happy he hasn't had a drink that he does it "show me". He hasn't done meetings or anything. But just not drinking is good enough for me now.

We've been getting along better and I just feel a bit too comfortable. Perhaps like its the calm before the storm. I know I have every right to feel happy (I haven't felt real happy lately but this weekend I was and it almost felt foreign to me).

So I suppose this isn't a bitch/vent session. Just felt like telling you all where I am at in my life right now.

Thanks for listening to this rambling that probably didn't make much sense.

Many hugs,
Debbie

PS......So busy at work that I don't get to respond too much to the posts but I read most of them and you are all in my thoughts and prayers!!

LongStrangeTrip

Hey, as I always say, you have to let it out somewhere and this place is probably better than most because we can all identify.

I know if I was in your shoes and things were that bad that my husband was wrecking a car, I'd be so angry at him that I'd not only be angry that he wasn't going to be here to do what he does daily; picking kids up from school, yard work and what not, I'd also be a little glad for the rest, because I wouldn't have to be worrying about him.
I know, sounds odd to some but then again, maybe not.

This just also pretty much solidifies that I will stick to my guns as far as him using my truck when he goes out to do DJ gigs.

Debbie

Never ever let them use your car, although I did not have a choice - he kind of "stole" it!! (Real long story - back in May ugh - I was a mess). Although it did get me a new one but I do miss my "Bessie"

I was angry at first but then I thought what can I do? What's done is done and there is nothing to change what he did. That is my philosophy lately. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I guess I am not used to things going well. How weird is that?

MissyBelle

Wrecked cars? Hahahaha! We were at three and counting when he got clean. The kicker is, although I know he was under the influence of something-or-other every time, only ONCE did he get as much as a ticket and that was for open alcohol in the car which he promptly got thrown out of court. (Don't ask, it ended up being called "defective equipment" and came with a huge fine.) I used to wish that some cop would delight in carrying him off to jail for a while, but I found most of them are sports fans. Craziness is everywhere.

Ann

Isn't it wonderful when we get to share the consequences for THEIR actions? .

Here's my suggestion - since his meals will be paid for if he goes to jail, take his share of the grocery money and order in, or treat yourself somehow. Get a dog sitter who will help with the chores.

And if you really don't want to be alone, invite someone to stay with you or visit someone while he is gone.

Just make some really great plans that are all about YOU and what you would like to do, and do it.

My husband travels a lot with his work, and one thing I have found is that when he is not here there is very little housework that needs doing. We're the tidy ones.

I'm glad things are going well right now and maybe this "incident" will be the eye-opener he needed.

Hugs
Ann

Gabe

You are never alone, you have US!! I agree with Ann, if this happens, take some steps to make it a positive experience. Plan some "girls" nights, do things that you like to do, pamper yourself, etc. You will get through it. Alone doesn't have to mean lonely. Sometimes it's nice to have time to read quietly or to have total control over the remote. And hey, you won't have to worry about the toilet seat being up for a while.
Peace,
Gabe

JT

Deb,

It bites!!

Altho it sounds like he doing what it takes to do the right thing by you right now...you had a happy weekend and that is a gift.

You have your pup and yes, like Ann said the house will be clean. You can eat whatever you want, and watch whatever you want...no football on the tube.

Don't count your chickens yet. There have been alot of times I thought the Beav would go to jail and he didn't. There is no room. Maybe he will get home monitoring....yuck yuck or work release!

Love ya Deb!
JT

Debbie

Hey Guys

I know I will survive. I've done it before but its just so tiring. He may get that sentence that we both can enjoy which really wouldn't be bad for him. Prison in the comfort of your own home. They used to do it with voice print phone calls, they might be updated now with ankle bracelets, who knows. Oh did I mention you have to pay money to be on house arrest besides the fines. I guess that is to maintain the people visiting the house and the phone calls they make.

So I will not count my chickens yet. Time will tell and we won't know until the end of October. Its all just a big pain in the butt.

Oh well, thanks for all the ideas and I know you guys will keep me company

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

Daffodil

Consider yourself HUGGED!

I am sure you may think this is insane BUT my spouse has never been taken care of by himself in 43 years except for a total of 2 weeks...family members tease him that he can find the refrig but nothing inside it...

I am the prototaltype(?) for PRE -Al-Anon.....I could get him a cup of coffee before he even knew he wanted one.....

There are times when alone is a wonderful dream in my life...I could actualy read an entire book without stopping every other page.....sersiouly Deb, maybe you could think of what you'd do if given this free time to do ANYTHING in the world you wanted to do....then scale that down to what you can do for real.

I used to dream of long vacations, which for me right now are not an option, so with the help of my sponsor, I have learned to take minute vacations....sometimes I can even squeeze out a whole hour. Believe it or not, I now really enjoy minute vacations even more than one long one.

Living with the disease of alcoholism is like standing in the hallways of life for what seems like forever.. (we won't know til the end of Oct.) For me that would be one h--- of a long hallway. I have learned I can have a whole lot of vacations during that length of time...the choice is up to me...Just an option availiable to you to think about...

Take care! Love and prayers from one who cares, ~~A~~

Debbie

Well Daffodil, the only time I have ever been alone is when he was in the hospital and jail and they were only a couple weeks at a time. I don't know I guess its the opposite. I have become quite resourceful and independent (to a point) over the years. I guess its the lonliness I think I will feel. And even though he is a big jerk at times I do love him and I will miss him.

I think I am going to get pretty crafty if he goes. I have all these projects that I want to do and never seem to find the time to do them. And I have thought of a few other things to do also. Now that I have the new car, I will be driving all over creation

Thanks for the support and the hugs

Many hugs back!
Debbie

JT

Daf...I would never have thought that of you. But seeing the recovery you have displayed I am sure it is a choice you have made and that is cool. Very Cool!

Deb...you are in my thoughts. I know you will keep us posted!

Hugs,
JT

Debbie

What heck ever happened to me posting happy things? I used to do that. I am a firm believer in that, sharing the happy along with the said and the crises.

Oh well, you know I will keep you posted.

Hugs to you all.

Love,
Deb

JT

Quote:

I am a firm believer in that, sharing the happy along with the sad and the crises.

You can be happy tomorrow!