For Sale: Horse Blinders. Heavily used.

Old 10-12-2009, 09:08 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Illinois
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For Sale: Horse Blinders. Heavily used.

Looking to sell one pair of horse blinders. I used them heavily for the last 5-6 years. Great for ignoring the obvious. Guaranteed to not let you see the big picture.

Naw, I can't let any of you use them. I will just burn them because I am done with them!

I am done not looking around me and seeing the rest of my life. I am done looking ahead and not seeing the train wreck around me. From this day forward I am living life and the AW can work on her own life. I have a good one to start living and it is without her.

The AW got out of inpatient about 2 weeks ago. She and her mom are living just down the road in a rental and I live with the kids in our home. She asked I don't file for divorce until after the new year or 6 months as that is how long her out-patient will be. Being the nice guy I am I agreed. Things have been tense, we both care about each other but the past is such a mess we are having issues letting it go.

This weekend we went to my sons football game together. Sat near each other, shared a blanket, no hand holding, no arms around each other, no leaning, just two friends at a game. Saturday I went to her place and had dinner there with all of them. Sunday my daughter had cheer and a tailgate for the families afterwards. My AW was stressing about her schedule and wouldn't see me for about 10 days (up and out at 6:30, home at 9 pm). I didn't react the way she wanted (silent rejoicing was not what she was hoping for I guess) and got upset. Some more things in the next hour led her to sitting in the car while I did the tailgate with my daughter. Got home and she just went nuts. Started moving all her stuff out, etc.

I told her after finding out about the affiar the trust was broken but not gone. I felt she didn't try to rebuild it and now I don't trust her at all. If she wants there to be an us she needs to work hard on that. She asked how, I said I don't know but it's in her lap. She said she is working on healing and doesn't have time for us. I said that's fine, she's done that for years, ignored us.

I do want her to heal and had hope when she got out that this time would be different. Just the enabler in me. Deep down I know I will always wonder if she is lying. I will never get over that and I won't live the rest of my life with her waiting for the bomb to go off. It is time to take off these horse blinders! It is time to see the world around me and be happy and healthy!

I will miss her but I will not miss the drama. I will not miss the doubting. I will not miss the mood swings. I will not miss comprimising my values for the sake of marriage or love.

Life is mine to live and I plan on living it!

Thank you all for your support over the years. I hope you all find what you need to be happy and healthy in life, we all deserve it.
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