need help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: springhill floridda
Posts: 43
need help
I am married to a binging crack addict and have been for 6 years. He has stolen from me and has at times been gone for up to 3 days. I always say thats it im done if ya do it again i am out of here and then i forgive him and stay. Am I an enabler by staying with him. He has nowhere else to go he has burnt all his bridges. I am a newly recovering opiate addict (see my story on substance abuse under "acoogle") anyway he is also on the oxy's but i have a problem with both but the crack is the worst to me.I am so scared that he is going to die either by a heart attack or getting killed because he rips off the dealers sometimes when the money runs out. He goes months sometimes without doing it ( i think). My biggest question is am i enabling him, should i stay because we have a 9 yr old wonderful daughter and I dont want this to affect her. He does not do it at home i would kill him but I have to make up lies as to where he is at when he is not at home like he usually is. Please help with some advice. I have never tried anything like crack and never will so I hav no idea how the cravings are.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: springhill floridda
Posts: 43
No im not. I did all by my self cold turkey and I really feel strong. I was going to go to NA meetings but just havent yet.M aybe in fooling myself to think I dont need the meetings I dont know but I honestly feel good I have my daughter to help keep me busy and to keep my mind off other things.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Here are a few things that helped me tremendously in my life.
First of all, I had to have a strong program of recovery for myself from my addictions/alcoholism. Without my own recovery, it really doesn't make any difference what else is going on in my life. Eventually I'll use again.
A good starter book is "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It was a real eye opener for me in my own codependency.
Counseling/therapy. I have done this off and on throughout the years, and both of my daughters (now grown) have also been in counseling.
Addiction affects the whole family, and although you don't want this to affect your 9 year old daughter, I can guarantee it already has.
My 31 year old daughter is an active addict/alcoholic now, and also makes extremely poor choices in men.
You have the chance to stop the cycle now, both with your own addiction, and raising a child in an environment where there is still active addiction with the other parent.
The choice is yours.
:ghug2 :ghug2
First of all, I had to have a strong program of recovery for myself from my addictions/alcoholism. Without my own recovery, it really doesn't make any difference what else is going on in my life. Eventually I'll use again.
A good starter book is "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It was a real eye opener for me in my own codependency.
Counseling/therapy. I have done this off and on throughout the years, and both of my daughters (now grown) have also been in counseling.
Addiction affects the whole family, and although you don't want this to affect your 9 year old daughter, I can guarantee it already has.
My 31 year old daughter is an active addict/alcoholic now, and also makes extremely poor choices in men.
You have the chance to stop the cycle now, both with your own addiction, and raising a child in an environment where there is still active addiction with the other parent.
The choice is yours.
:ghug2 :ghug2
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Given your own very recent sobriety, it must be very challenging for you to live with someone who is an active addict.
Your own very recent sobriety and your precious nine year old daughter are two excellent reasons to keep the focus on you and your own recovery.
His lifestyle will, sooner or later, impact his health and maybe even his freedom or life. Only he can decide when he's done. Only you can decide your own boundaries for yourself and if continuing to live with an active addict is the best choice you can make for you and your daughter, under the circumstances.
Your own very recent sobriety and your precious nine year old daughter are two excellent reasons to keep the focus on you and your own recovery.
His lifestyle will, sooner or later, impact his health and maybe even his freedom or life. Only he can decide when he's done. Only you can decide your own boundaries for yourself and if continuing to live with an active addict is the best choice you can make for you and your daughter, under the circumstances.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Clearfield
Posts: 52
Hello acoogle,
He will continue to steal from you, not being at home for days, becausse that is what
we do. We are liars, theft, and a cheater. If we don't get help for our addiction, it's
always jails, instituation, and death. Be very careful of the word never. What are you
doing for your recovery? Until he decides to get help with his recovery there's little
that you can do. Recovery teaches us how to be honest with ourselves. If were
unable to do that, then we will lie to others. (Not Good) Your in an unhealthy
relationship, not to mention a dangerous one. Stealing from dealer is putting you
and your daughter in a dangerous situation. Your only responsible for your daughter
and yourself. That is his choice. Just like you have a choice. Please don't do this
to yourself.
He will continue to steal from you, not being at home for days, becausse that is what
we do. We are liars, theft, and a cheater. If we don't get help for our addiction, it's
always jails, instituation, and death. Be very careful of the word never. What are you
doing for your recovery? Until he decides to get help with his recovery there's little
that you can do. Recovery teaches us how to be honest with ourselves. If were
unable to do that, then we will lie to others. (Not Good) Your in an unhealthy
relationship, not to mention a dangerous one. Stealing from dealer is putting you
and your daughter in a dangerous situation. Your only responsible for your daughter
and yourself. That is his choice. Just like you have a choice. Please don't do this
to yourself.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I am working on getting myself to A.A. with some help from some people here on SR. I think it would be a good idea for you to give N.A. a try.
If you are supporting your husband in any way that allows him to continue to drink and drug, then yes, you probably are enabling. It is very difficult for us to know exactly when we are enabling, and when we are clearly not. It's a very muddy picture and hard to separate the sickness from the healthy behaviors.
Keep reading around here on SR and posting questions. We are all here to support you. I hope this helps.
If you are supporting your husband in any way that allows him to continue to drink and drug, then yes, you probably are enabling. It is very difficult for us to know exactly when we are enabling, and when we are clearly not. It's a very muddy picture and hard to separate the sickness from the healthy behaviors.
Keep reading around here on SR and posting questions. We are all here to support you. I hope this helps.
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