whyamistaying

It is so much easier to apply what little I have learned so far from Al Anon to other relationships than my AH.

I wanted to share something that I feel that due to my readings and books and Al Anon meetings has helped me not be a reactionary.

AH went to his Mother's house. I don't know what he has said to her (I have said nothing), but basically she thinks we are getting a divorce and doesn't want me to get property. His Mother and a few other famliy members said I was a thief and that when AH gets his license he needs to transfer items to them.

Now, when AH came home mad, not about what they called me, but about how they would try to take property from him, I didn't even engage. I told him that stinked. That he should call his sponsor.

Inside I was really hurt because I am not a thief. But I am not making phone calls. I am not getting involved in a discussion. Because you know what, I can't control them. I can only control myself.

The old me would have had anxiety about it, many talks, some harsh words, more harsh words, screaming....

But, here is the clincher....I can apply detachment to AH's mother much easier than I can to AH. That seems crazy to me.

bookwyrm

I know exactly what you mean! Detachment from my in-laws and even detachment from some of the crazies at work was/is so much easier than detaching from STBXAH. I guess because I have/had much more invested in him - emotionally and self validation that made it so much harder to detach. But the practice with them helped me with him eventually! You can do it too.

transformyself

This is great news! How exciting!
And this isn't a surprise
you've learned a new skill and are practicing. Would you expect to ski down a mountain immediatly or stay on the bunny hill for a little while?

Congratulations!

Cowgirl1265

Its wonderful to learn how to be free of the anxiety and need to control. You're doing great!