bremerbua

My RAW called me on Monday to tell me that she is not coming back to the states. The reason she gave is the support that she needs is in her hometown. I believed that be code for "I want a divorce." So, I aksed her if she wanted me to file for divorce. She told me that she would have to do that herself; we were married in her country. She slipped in a couple of statements that made it clear that she wanted the marriage/relationship to be over. In otherwords, she didn't want to pursue options that might make our marriage work. She wants to be free.

This was the first quasi-normal conversation we’ve had since she returned from rehab. It was easy and natural despite the subject matter. I believe that had to do with the fact that she was no longer trying to hide anything.

I don’t think she is being completely honest with me. She seems to be in a hurry to end the marriage. She has made a major decision like this so soon after rehab (I believe she had her decision made a month ago). Everything I’ve read about alcohol recovery discourages making these kinds of decisions early on and urges a one step at a time approach. A decision to end a marriage seems pretty major to me, especially so early into recovery. Something just doesn’t ring true. Then again, it really doesn’t matter anymore. This will no longer be a problem for me.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for your insight and support. This site has been extremely helpful to me. I will continue to visit this site, because there are life lessons to be learned that transcend alcoholism and its related carnage.

trapeze

Good luck with your new beginning.

transformyself

I"m sorry. And congratulations.

I bet end of this saga embarks you an a fantastical journey. I"m reminded of something my BIL says to me, some sort of ancient Taoist text:

How do we know the dead do not regret having clung to life?

nodaybut2day

bremerbua...I'm sort of at the same place you are right now.

I wish you peace and calm as this new phase of your life begins.

GiveLove

Wishing you joy in exploring these new horizons, bremerbua. It's painful, I'm sure, but many joyful lives were born of painful events...mine is one, I can say.

TakingCharge999

bremerbua, I have learned its great to be confused. When you realize your gut tells a different story and their words and actions do not match either, it is easier to let it all go in a huge package called Past Madness.

All the best and know you are not alone in your path...

wanting

This happened to me too. "R"AH was in a hurry too and wanted to be free. In my situation, there was a reason for it - an affair. I sort of wish I had just let him go and not gone digging. I would have saved myself months of pointless "why why whys" and denial and magical thinking. And my divorce would be over already instead of just beginning!

bremerbua

Thank you all for your encouragement and good wishes.

It occured to me this morning that had this ended the way I believed I wanted to when I began posting here, I wouldn't have the peace of mind I've enjoyed the last two days.
Go figure!

Cowgirl1265

And there it is, isn't it?

I wish you a peaceful and bright journey ahead, Bremerbua.

Pelican

(((Bremerbua)))

Peace and hugs to you friend!

Learn2Live

I'm so sorry Bremerbua.

I know this has been a difficult time for you. I want you to know that often, the events that seem to be the WORST thing that could happen turn out to be the BEST for you in the long run. We are all here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. :ghug2