sb0804

Well after a month in rehab my AW is getting out of rehab on Friday. To be honest I have felt a real sense of relief and freedom since she has been gone. For the first time in years I have been able to concentrate on myself and the kids without wondering when the next "episode" was going to take place. It truly is what I needed.

But, now I am starting to get a creeping sense of dread because I know that she is coming back. My deepest hope is that the rehab has helped her recover but deep down inside I have this feeling that things will be back to what they were. Is this a normal feeling that others have experienced when someone returns from rehab? Are we so conditioned to feel dread when we are around the alcoholic that we become numb to feelings of hope?

intheknow

I know exactly how you feel about her coming home.

My AH is coming home next friday - early - because he didn't have to go thru detox. He had not drank for a week before he went, so he is coming home a week early.

I am so upset - and dread is the word I use as well - because my life was finally at peace. And the feeling that this isn't the last time is stuck in my head.

Trying2Fly

I completely relate to this. I think a lot of the feelings have to do with trust and the fact that an alcoholic betrays our trust again...and again...and again. I am struggling with the same thing right now, too. I don't know how I'm going to react when my sister comes back from rehab in 30 days. Know that you are not alone, and I think this is a common reaction.

Still Waters

Oh yes, I think it's perfectly normal. That short episode of sanity and peace in the home is a very revealing thing. We're talking about years of dealing with insanity and are expected to believe that after 30 days things will be all bunnies and unicorns.

It doesn't work that way. But - please, don't buy worry before you have to. I know it's difficult, but really, you'll know when you know. And who knows, maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised.

harleyd101

Isn't amazing how much peace can be found when the alcoholic is in a treatment center, or jail for that matter?? I sleep good, I eat, and I take care of myself. Then...the bomb drops, and out they come!! Four times in rehab, four times relapsing. After the 2nd time, I didn't take his calls or go and visit him. Just didn't want to. Dreaded the day he got out. Went to get him with evil (and I mean EVIL) thoughts in my head!!! Still didn't leave!!! So, you are not alone in these feelings, I know I've had them many times!!! Good luck and big hugs!!!

squirt

I can relate too. Last year when my AH was gone to rehab I can't say that I missed him. It was frankly, the best 4 weeks I'd had at home for years. I was calm, got along with the kids, was able to get the normal chores done around the house, all without chaos and resentment! Yes, I was a bit nervous when he came home. I was, however, hopeful yet cautious after being burned so many times before. Things went well initially. We were supportive of his recovery. He seemed a bit like the "old" person I used to know. Not to be a downer or discouraging, but unfortunately it didn't last. I do hope things can go better for your family. And yes, I think your feelings are perfectly normal! Good luck!

trapeze

I just got off the phone with my AH, 11 days in rehab, scheduled to get out in another 10 but may extend. I am so conflicted it is hard to put into words, but I believe the other posters have captured it. Are there success stories? It just seems there are so many disappointments.

I really miss the guy I married 17 years ago, but I know that a month of rehab won't bring him back. Yes, I know I'm not supposed to look back, but sometimes it just makes me so sad. I almost miss the anger.

intheknow

Seems you drew the straw I was hoping for...and extended rehab. I wanted AH to stay, possibly a year, maybe a lifetime. He is a good cook, I'm sure they could have used him.

Seriously, I feel so torn. We just got off the phone. He is all rainbows and glitter, I am doom and gloom. I am saying expect nothing, he is saying but I have changed so much and I can't wait to show you. I am saying..."Do I really have to pick you up from the airport? Can I send a proxy?"

The plan A was for him to go back to his parents when he got out. But, according to his Mom, Boy Wonder is getting out early because he did so remarkably well and wasn't that sick to begin with. Enabler? You betcha. When he was in high school she found a bag of pot in the pocket of his jean jacket. Did she freak? Did she ground him for life? Nope, she put it in the middle of the table, and when she made breakfast that morning he simply picked it up, put it in his pocket and went to school. And she went about her day, putting away his laundry, making his bed and making him something fresh baked for afterschool.

So now we need to come up with plan B. We do own a little house down the street that our oldest child rents from us, and could easily be a duplex with separate entrances. Heck, we make the payment on it anyway, so it's not like it's going to cost us anymore than what we are paying (her rent does not cover the payment, I know, separate issue! One at a time here...)

AlwaysGrowing

It is a long road to treatment and a long road back. Be positive, don't push, the first say 6 weeks they are back in reality dealing with friends. Where have you been? Who to tell the full story, who gets I'm better now,,,,

You might find bottles around the house still. Maybe asking her if you guys want to clean out the house together.

Bottom line is if she wants to stay sober she will go to any lengths. But let her be a basketcase for a day or so while she deals with feeling/emotions that have been stuffed for a long time. I call them RAW emotions as they sure come out that way.

clbhm

To the OP,
I recently picked up my girlfriend from a month-long treatment. I was nice to not have to worry about things quite as intensely while she was away, but I started going to Al-Anon while she was gone and have and continue to gain A LOT from it. Try it. Go to 6 meetings before you make up your mind about it. I ended up finding a great men's group and a couple of other groups that I enjoy very much.

When it came time to go pick my girl up I was nervous and excited. I found that after just a few minutes the positivity that came with her from treatment really permeated the car and we have had a great time with each other since. Now, she knew going in to treatment that a half-way house was next since it was only a 28-day treatment program. Everyone that we spoke with (counselors and other alcoholics and addicts) suggested a half-way house after treatment and the more I got used to the idea myself the more sense it made. We are fortunate to have a good one in our city not far from our house. She is there now. There will be ample visitation and it is much more like a real life than treatment, but a way to ease back in to daily life than just "welcome home from treatment, time to do the dishes".


Enjoy your time with her and let good things build from good things.