harleyd101

When will it end!!?? My mom comes over with chicken noodle soup (God bless her) cause I'm sick as a dog, and the XABF comes up! I never realized until this moment in time how codependent she is!! She has been with my dad, and I'll be damned if she didn't just make excuses for my ex!! My XABF decided to call my sister a few days ago, since he can't call me anymore (blocked!). Told her he is taking a buyout from Chrysler, and going to work (can you believe this one!) on an oil rig in Texas in December. My sister also called a union rep at Chrysler (her friends husband) and he said what I said- No new buyouts on the table. I believe he got fired. I told this to my mom, and she says (without missing a beat!) "why would he lie"? (O.K., i just started cracking up at the absolute absurdity of this statement!!!) She then said that he told my sister he has the paperwork to prove it, cause she didn't buy it either!! As I sat there with her, and I do love her very much (I see where I got my codie behavior from!) I realized that she has been doing this for him for years!! My next questions (couldn't help myself guys, you all understand!) was "was he drunk"? She said NNNOOOOOOO, as if that was an outrageous question!!!! He called a lot of people that day, heck, all last week to make sure I got that messege. He was really messed up when one person decided to share the info w/me.

I inturpreted the whole situation as this: He got fired for drinking on the job ($37.00/hour job for that matter), wanted to scare me into getting a hold of him (threat of leaving the state and off the block he goes!), and it was just another ploy to get me to call him. He told my sister that "I don't have to move (as IF I was going to anyway, thanks for the permission to stay!) because he would be leaving"! Wow, I didn't bite for those of you that are wondering. I didn't do a thing, not one thing. I didn't panic, didn't take the block off the phone, and I didn't call him! Wonder what he will pull out of his ass next!!!! LOL!!!

I think I am getting stronger, and all I could think was if he does leave, then I will feel better about living here. Problem solved!!! Me and the kids don't have to go anywhere!!!

Whew, thanks for letting me get that off my chest! I feel sooo much better!!!

TakingCharge999

UGH

My mom realized xabf got the shakes and a number of things... well she never mentioned anything to me well until I was out of the relation... I mean.. SHE COULD HAVE GIVEN ME A WARNING but no...

They are not perfect harley, better not to talk about ex's at all with anyone that is not

/ A SR member
/ An AA or alanon member

No one else gets anything.... even if they are very close family!

transformyself

All good, all of these realizations. You're in a fantastic place!

I gave birth to all of my kids at home. I tried explaining my reasons to my family, but they continued to berate me, try to brow beat and fear bait me. It didn't help but really made me mad.

I learned to say to my family, "Oh this again. Ok. We'll talk for 5 minutes and if we haven't changed each others mind, I'm leaving." That produced more grumbling and huffing and puffing and moody childish tantrums, but I didnt' care. They left me alone.

And, in the end, as commonly happens with home birth, after my oldest guy was born and they all came over to see him, suddenly I was the strongest, smartest woman on earth.

You don't have to engage with your mom about this guy or your decision. You can create boundaries that teach her you know what you're doing and no amoutn of guilt tripping will work. You can explain the rules to her, one time, and then enforce them. She can accept them or not.

I know this sounds cruel, but it can be done with lots of love too. And it's worth it!
From my experience at least..

laurie6781

You did good!!!!

Now enjoy your chicken soup and feel much better very soon!!!!

Love and hugs,